DaveyT

Ok so here I am, drinking agian. I debated whether to admit it online but I realised that I need the accountability, I will not lie to you guys after all the help I have been given. Doign that would just be an insult to all of you who have given your time to reply to me.

I have been sober a good period of time again and I was feeling so much better with it all. Then sadly today I was in the most awful pain. I had tried to do some work in the garden, just basic stuff and afterwards I was in absolute agony. Every muscle was hurting, like they had been injected with boiling water. I put up with it for hours, took some ibuprofen and paracetemol but it wasn't enough. I wanted to scream, but ended up slowly staggering up the road, making the pain so much worse and buying a bottle of wine. I drank it down and the pain was greatly relieved, oh the glorious relief.

But I sit here now feeling terrible that I am drinking again, I know why I did it, just pure physical pain but it doesn't help the guilty feeling.

I'm trying to focus on the positives as much as I can. Remaining abstinent is my only option, but at least I've been increasing the periods between drinking and that's good for my health. An occasional 1 day blip every month is far better than drinking every day. I don't want this situation to continue of course, the goal is life long abstinence but it's at least not damaging my health as it was.

I haven't been counting days but I think it's over a month since I had my last drink (before today), so that's a good thing. My mobility is decreasing by the day due to my disability, the level of pain I was in earlier is down to my own actions of pushing to do garden work, so I learned that lesson at least. It's frustrating though that I cannot do the things I used to.

Being ill sucks.

Dee74

Not trying to be a wise guy Davey - but you didn't think about seeing a Dr?

D

DaveyT

I have a disability that causes pain, doctors are already aware of it. The only option available at this time is opiate painkillers and I don't want to take them because it feels like switching one addiction for another.

I will be heading to a specialist pain clinic soon so hopefully they can give me some non addictive treatment for the pain.

The pain is coming back already, but the shops have shut around me so I have no access to further alcohol. I think i'll be in for an unpleasant night, I can't imagine sleeping if this pain continues to get worse again.

Dee74

I have a disability that causes pain too, so I empathise.
Alcohol was really woeful as pain relief, for me tho, and caused immense damage besides.

I totally flunked out at being my own Dr

I worked out a pain management programme with my GP - not only meds but lifestyle changes and exercise.

It works better than my own attempts at self medication ever did.

I was honest with my Dr about my past.
I never feel high from the meds - they deal with my pain. End of story.

Best of luck with your appointment

D

Received

I was wondering how you were doing.

It's been my experience that meds when taken as prescribed and for relieving pain they don't make one high. They deal with the pain receptors only.

Several years ago I was prescribed certain medications after a very, very serious emergency life saving surgery. At the time, I had not drank for several years and was throwing a fit about taking the drugs for fear I would get addicted. The doctor, bless his heart, brought in a specialist in pain management who explained to me the difference between addiction and dependence. I would become dependent on certain medications, yes, and I would have to be tapered down, yes, but I absolutely must take them in order to heal, in order to have any quality of life.

Anyway, I'm probably not making much sense but thing is, I did heal, they did taper me down and I don't ever remember feeling high.

I really think it's time for you to re-visit your doctor. It makes no sense to me they would make your appointment with a pain management specialist so far out when you are in so much pain.

DaveyT

I've said before, it provides only temporary relief and the pain gets worse after I've used it, I just needed a break from the pain.

[QUOTE=Dee74;3937795]
I totally flunked out at being my own Dr
[quote]

I'm not trying to be this, I'm in contact with doctors and specialists.

My lifestyle, other than alcohol is surprisingly healthy, exercise makes symptoms worse due to the nature of my disability and will sadly become impossible as things go on.

You give me hope here but I'm sure you realise how scared I am to take an addictive substance like opiates when I already have an alcohol addiction. From what I know of opiates people work up a tolerance, which means more of them, which means more tolerance and then you're addicted



I've honestly been great, just today went bad.

Opiates lead to tolerance, i'm just so scared of it, it's a horrible choice, alcohol or opiates. I'm so scared of it.

You made sense, it doesn't dispel the fear though.

In fairness it was just especially bad today and it's my own fault for doing physical activity, I should know better than that. There is also a long waiting list, sadly it's clogged up with people claiming they have a bad back when they're faking it (a nurse told me that). Still I'll get there in the end.

I won't be drinking tomorrow, it's a mistep today that is all, but I felt I had to admit it to you guys because it helps keep me on the right road.

Received

It is scary, Davey, and I understand you being very concerned.

I just want you to be ok and kick the cr@p out of your AV.

Mountainmanbob

DaveyT

The one thing I'm clinging to here is that a failure in sobriety once every month or two is far better than drinking every day. At least this way I'm not damaging my health. It's not great, but it's better than I was before.

I'm coming to a sad realization that maybe i'll have to use the opiate drugs they prescribed, otherwise I'll just end up drinking to kill the pain anyway. At least opiate drugs won't kill my liver and other systems and the doctors will be on top of the amount I'm using as they usually require you see them every 1-3 months for a review.

Maybe it's just time I bite that bullet. As my condition worsens I'll just be facing even more pain anyway.

I'm off to bed, hopefully sleep will come to me despite the pain. Thanks for listening guys.

ToddE1

Davey, Sorry to hear about you continues pain issues and about your slip. It sounds like you're doing OK at least as far as getting back on track. I hope the best for you with your pain management. I agree that damage reduction is a much better alternative than active drinking. It also sounds like you are serious in your attempt to keep with abstinence and I applaud you for that.

I also assume you realize this, but I will say it anyway. Be careful. Every time you go down that rabbit hole, is another chance of not coming back up for a while.

Take care and best to you,
- Todd

Dee74

I never mentioned any particular course of treatment Davey.

For what it's worth tho I am on some opiates when required - like I said, I've never felt the 'pull' from them - never felt high, never upped my dose and never in fact come close to the recommended max dose daily. This has been going on for several years now.

But I'm not you and I'm not your Dr - I would never encourage anyone on any particular treatment just because I'm on it.

It works for me, but thats not necessarily a guarantee for anyone else.

I'm big on seeing Drs... speak with them, tell them your history and hopefully they'll work out the right treatment plan for you.

D

deeker

What do u have in your tool box?

DaveyT

Plenty of stuff but when it comes to the pain there are limited options. I didn't drink because I wanted a drink, I did it to get a little relief from the agony I was in yesterday. Luckily the pain today is more manageable and I'm resting so it shouldn't get worse, that means no alcohol is required.


Dee74

I regularly see doctors because of the condition, there is no problem there, but I don't want the drinking on record. Doctors are recommending painkillers and I've had months to seriously consider it. I've been resisting for a while but after yesterday I think I may have to give in and do as the doctor recommends. I'll keep thinking about it a little more and see after next week.


But hey I don't need to drink today, I've noticed a big improvement in general well being while I've ben abstinent again, so it's definitely the way to go. A slip every now and then is bad and must be eliminated from my future, but it's way better than I was before.

Thanks to everyone for the replies.

Dee74

How do you expect to get the right treatment if your Doctors only know part of the story, tho Davey?

D

DaveyT

Because the condition I have has nothing to do with alcohol. If I can get rid of the pain then it's unlikely I will drink again. So doctors don't need to know. I've had lots of long periods of sobriety in a row, each time I seem to do better and better. If the doctors treat my pain then things will be even easier.

Sasha4

Will this be your first trip to the pain clinic Davey?

I work with pain clinics and they can really help.
They are totally used to seeing people self medicate with drink or drugs because of pain, so I would be to totally up front with them about that. They will appreciate it and you will get a better treatment plan.

There are lots of different things they can do, that are not just about drugs.
Ways that can help you self manage your pain.

There are some new pain drugs coming through too and you might be eligible to join a trial for them.

Have you looked on the internet to see if there are any patient led support groups that you could join?

Patient groups and patient experience are a massive part of the NHS today.
And remember the NHS's mantra.....

'No decision to be made about me without me'

I wish you the best.

DaveyT

It is my first time and odd as it may sound I am really looking forard to it. I know they can help because they're specialists and it will take away the biggest reason for my drinking. I'm looking forward to waking up without being in agony, and maybe being able to do a bit more without having to stop because of pain. All I hear are good things about pain clinics.

Sasha4

I don't think i sounds strange at all Davey.
I understand totally that you want to have the best quality of life possible and be as busy, productive and active has yo can be.

I think its probably important to tell them what you like doing and if your pain prevents you from doing it.

Make sure you ask about all the services they offer as well.

My friend had trigeminal neuralgia and the nurse did a course of acupuncture on her which helped massively.
This was proper medical acupuncture, as used thousands and thousands of years ago.

I hope it goes good for you xx

SolTraveler

I think the Pain Clinic sounds like a great idea. My XAH had a back injury that caused him chronic pain and he got addicted to the pain killers. When you are dealing with chronic pain, you need more options than popping a pill, that is for sure.

RobbyRobot

Glad to hear you felt okay enough to admit to some drinking, Davey. When we're afraid of the truth is when we erode our hopes and our efforts for a better day. Good on you.

I believe you're on the right track to finally manage your pain so as to enjoy a better life without alcohol. I'm sure the clinic will provide several options specific to your needs. I look forward to hearing how it all works out with the clinic.

In the meantime, if you do decide to take a course of standard pain-killer opiates, continue with believing you do so for pain management. As others have generally said, and has been my experience too, taking medication for pain has nothing to do with drug abuse.

Pain medication used wrongly can of course be abused, yes, but used properly, it can successfully be used against pain without worry that it is being abused.

Take it easy, Davey.