major victory today
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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major victory today
Hi all--I have posted elsewhere a couple of times and been creeping the secular forum for a little while now, and am feeling more at home here. I have been reading a lot about AVRT and AVRT-like strategies and putting them into initial practice, particularly since I relapsed on Friday after all hell broke loose last week. That relapse frankly just pissed me off. It brought me to a point where I know that it's not me acting in such an idiotic and self-destructive way, and I felt really ready to empower my better self in this struggle, and all of that resonated to a significant extent with AVRT-type work.
Anyway, an old friend of mine came to visit this week. I haven't seen him in many years...but since I've known him we have always been pretty serious drinking buddies, drinking as long and much as we could (both under the guise of being "beer snobs" to justify it.) Our last episode wound up with buckets of expensive, very high octane beer and me ultimately falling off a bar stool. Good times. Anyway, our lunch got rescheduled a couple of times and wound up getting moved to what is, no exaggeration, perhaps my favorite and most nostalgic pub on this side of the pond. I am not close enough to him to tell him I'm not drinking/get into the whole thing, and this pub is one of his favorite places too so I didn't want to tell him we couldn't go there (I briefly pondered telling him I heard it failed a food inspection or something). It's also hard to feel too self-righteous about such things at only 3 days sober, and so I felt stuck with the situation.
Boy, I argued with myself all morning about it. My AV went absolutely apesh!t, telling me that I should really have a good beer as my "last" drink, instead of that warm wine swill I polished off the other day. Then it told me it didn't matter anyway, since I'm only 3 days in after my last relapse, so it's not like I'll lose any real time. It even tried telling me there might be some romantic potential with this guy, but only if I have a few. It was telling me all kinds of crap, most of which I at least half-believed. I almost called him to cancel, rather than deal with going and being in that space with all those memories and this festival of triggers.
I didn't, though. I made a decision that I simply was not going to drink, that it is just simply over for me, and that's that. I've had a good run, and it's over. And so I went, and I had a fantastic sandwich and lots of water. He had seven pints in two hours, and was clearly too far into his own love affair with alcohol to notice/care what I was doing. He was surprised I didn't order a beer, but didn't press me on it. It was just a non-issue.
It was both a huge relief and something of a revelation. I got a bit of a contact high from him toward the end and it *felt* like I was drunk, which I think could be dangerous if that was a situation I found myself in regularly--but I don't have that many lush friends (I'm a mostly solitary drinker, in the style of more advanced alcoholics) and this was a rare occasion. But it confirmed for me that there is real power in just making the decision and standing down this pathetic destructive impulse that has been calling the shots (and drinking them) for fifteen years. Enough.
Anyway, an old friend of mine came to visit this week. I haven't seen him in many years...but since I've known him we have always been pretty serious drinking buddies, drinking as long and much as we could (both under the guise of being "beer snobs" to justify it.) Our last episode wound up with buckets of expensive, very high octane beer and me ultimately falling off a bar stool. Good times. Anyway, our lunch got rescheduled a couple of times and wound up getting moved to what is, no exaggeration, perhaps my favorite and most nostalgic pub on this side of the pond. I am not close enough to him to tell him I'm not drinking/get into the whole thing, and this pub is one of his favorite places too so I didn't want to tell him we couldn't go there (I briefly pondered telling him I heard it failed a food inspection or something). It's also hard to feel too self-righteous about such things at only 3 days sober, and so I felt stuck with the situation.
Boy, I argued with myself all morning about it. My AV went absolutely apesh!t, telling me that I should really have a good beer as my "last" drink, instead of that warm wine swill I polished off the other day. Then it told me it didn't matter anyway, since I'm only 3 days in after my last relapse, so it's not like I'll lose any real time. It even tried telling me there might be some romantic potential with this guy, but only if I have a few. It was telling me all kinds of crap, most of which I at least half-believed. I almost called him to cancel, rather than deal with going and being in that space with all those memories and this festival of triggers.
I didn't, though. I made a decision that I simply was not going to drink, that it is just simply over for me, and that's that. I've had a good run, and it's over. And so I went, and I had a fantastic sandwich and lots of water. He had seven pints in two hours, and was clearly too far into his own love affair with alcohol to notice/care what I was doing. He was surprised I didn't order a beer, but didn't press me on it. It was just a non-issue.
It was both a huge relief and something of a revelation. I got a bit of a contact high from him toward the end and it *felt* like I was drunk, which I think could be dangerous if that was a situation I found myself in regularly--but I don't have that many lush friends (I'm a mostly solitary drinker, in the style of more advanced alcoholics) and this was a rare occasion. But it confirmed for me that there is real power in just making the decision and standing down this pathetic destructive impulse that has been calling the shots (and drinking them) for fifteen years. Enough.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Gwenny,
hello
yes, whatever hits the spot about what would be helpful.
if this method resonates, then it just mightbe the way for you.
mine changed over time, and that's okay, too.
sounds like more than one revelation, too: interesting how you could see his non-noticing/not-seeing you after a few.
good to see you here.
hello
yes, whatever hits the spot about what would be helpful.
if this method resonates, then it just mightbe the way for you.
mine changed over time, and that's okay, too.
sounds like more than one revelation, too: interesting how you could see his non-noticing/not-seeing you after a few.
good to see you here.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by gwenny 
Hi all--I have posted elsewhere a couple of times and been creeping the secular forum for a little while now, and am feeling more at home here. I have been reading a lot about AVRT and AVRT-like strategies and putting them into initial practice, particularly since I relapsed on Friday after all hell broke loose last week. That relapse frankly just pissed me off. It brought me to a point where I know that it's not me acting in such an idiotic and self-destructive way, and I felt really ready to empower my better self in this struggle, and all of that resonated to a significant extent with AVRT-type work.
...
(I'm a mostly solitary drinker, in the style of more advanced alcoholics)
...
(I'm a mostly solitary drinker, in the style of more advanced alcoholics)
Just saying "I used to drink alcohol." is a great way to kick your Beast when IT's down.
Great post. It sounds like you're 100% over the negative consequences of drinking. The rest of the 'work' (if you can call a slight pause to not follow through on a thought 'work') is all between your ears.
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