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trachemys 04-03-2013 12:22 PM

Fallen
 
and pissed. Really, pissed. As in been drinking for 24 hours.

Everything piled up on me. Being unemployed, getting all my teeth pulled, too much free time, too much pain. Been drunk for over a day now. I mean barely typing this drunk. Wheee.

I don't know why but my insobriety was follow up to an epiphany. I visited the bonsai gardens of the Monastery in Conyers. Bonsaimonk.com - bonsai pots, bonsai tools, bonsai supplies
Long a favorite place of mine and a resource for my bonsai needs. Yep, I grow little trees. Portable forests. It's good for me.

If anyone ever figures out life, I'll buy the book. I was completely in the tank of apathy last night and today got an email from a job prospect that may be the perfect job of my life.

What an effing day in what an effing life. Thank you all for bearing with me.

RobbyRobot 04-03-2013 12:31 PM

Yeah, sorry to hear such news about the drinking. No worries, thou. You can still quit, and stay quit. There are many ways forward!

Begin again.
Move forward.

trachemys 04-03-2013 12:41 PM

Robby, your beaming smile is always a source of motivation. Love you, man. Want to be like you. TRYING to be like you. WILL BE LIKE YOU. I'm so damned tired of being me that I don't know who to shoot.

RobbyRobot 04-03-2013 12:53 PM

You know, saying you're tired of being you just after or while drinking is an awesome start to becoming the YOU you want to be, and then some.

I wasn't smiling like that when I last quit, that's for sure, but I always wanted to be somebody who I would myself like to hang with. It wasn't easy to come to terms with myself; pains and doubts beat me down something awful, but there is always a way forward if we will only take that next right thing to do, and just do it. You CAN ace this, absolutely you can. :)

Thanks for the kind words, trachemys. I'm awesomely glad to be one of the somebodies who inspire you. Salute!

:You_Rock_

tootsl1 04-03-2013 12:58 PM

Can't say much Trachymis, you already know. Feel for you though man. Hang in there, keep the faith. Pm if you want.

trachemys 04-03-2013 12:58 PM

Don't make me cry, man. That ain't fair.

Mrbeagle 04-03-2013 01:04 PM

Trach, we've all fallen but you're not broken. You're still here, and as long as you are, there is the hope that you will get back up and MARCH on. Love ya buddy

Pamel 04-03-2013 01:11 PM

Robby, whoever you are, my antennas are alert when you post LOL!

Mrbeagle!!! So great to see you!

For some good reading try my friend's site: cbtrecovery

He has 10+ years now, and he worked himself to the bone to do it. Lots of helpful stuff here.

Babs1234 04-03-2013 01:14 PM

trach---come on ---you can do it. Let's start over and get a new day behind us. We are all here for you.

Mrbeagle 04-03-2013 01:23 PM

Nice to see you too Pamel! It's been a while, I do hope you're well

legna 04-03-2013 01:23 PM

It's not over my friend. To be honest, I don't believe everyone can do this... but from your first post, I've always believed that you can. Still do.

Northlander 04-03-2013 01:33 PM

Hey Trach

First, thanks for posting.

Second, I really enjoyed your posts in our March thread - funny and insightful.

Third, the job prospect is worth getting sober and staying sober for, and even if this one doesn't work out, you will be prepared for the next one.

Fourth, you can't grow bonsai trees without being a nurturing person. Time to nurture yourself and your sobriety like you do the trees.

The drunkeness will pass, and sober you may want to create a schedule for your free time - volunteering and interning are often gateways to employment. Something to think about.

Virtual hug my buddy. You can do this!

Saskia 04-03-2013 01:50 PM

Trach, I know from my own experience how hard it can be. Keep coming back and you will make this work!

Big hugs!
Sassy

Nonsensical 04-03-2013 01:54 PM

I took my own horrific faceplant St Patty's Day weekend, Brother. I felt like a big pile of Cleveland steamers. Less than 3 weeks later I feel so good I'd pay $10 for a headache.

Moving forward like the turtles; slowly, but inexorably. Be well.

RDBplus3 04-03-2013 02:15 PM

Some of my not-so-long-ago posts describe the HELL I was in after a similar incident. Also describes my TREK back out of HELL. I was Black & Blue & Bloody (in spirit), I felt like people were spitting on me and railing accusations at me, and my self-induced loathing was even worse. But I was NOT DEAD yet! I stood upright and started that trek back out of HELL. Demons were ripping at my flesh, but I continued on. I heard people shouting encouragement in the distance...I think you may have been one of those voices...That Saved My Life!

Listen to us calling you back out of the pit of HELL. Follow our voices. We want to see you in the sunlight again...soon.

Pamel 04-03-2013 02:27 PM


Originally Posted by Mrbeagle (Post 3897199)
Trach, we've all fallen but you're not broken. You're still here, and as long as you are, there is the hope that you will get back up and MARCH on. Love ya buddy

Really good post Mrbeagle. It is so easy to forget we are a group of people with a ..condition.. (I have always had trouble with the disease model; but I DO BELIEVE we have the gene) ... i.e. it has been proven that some of us taste Cilantro like soap! Others do not and love the "damn" stuff. There is an enzyme in the tongue of some of us %? who really do taste cilantro....well... like soap.

It is similar to alcohol, in that we (alcoholics) cannot "process" the stuff the way others do. Hey, if I had to make a choice, I would pick "alcoholic" over a cancer sufferer anytime.... or, as many people have said: "Why was I "chosen" to be an alcoholic?"

Thank goodness I was not "CHOSEN" to have to jump out of the World Trade Center on 9/11 (I saw all that).

We have choice and are still alive!!!

Through the help of all my friends here, and AA, I have a chance to change my life. What a blessing (from whatever you consider to be your "higher power").

...and, even more importantly, my friends here. Love you all, Pamel

fini 04-03-2013 03:58 PM

Trach,
you type better drunk than i do sober!

oh, not meant as encouragement to keep going...

don't let it get too weird.
come back, back to basics.

heath480 04-03-2013 04:06 PM

Sorry to read how you are struggling Trachemys.

Start from day 1 again tomorrow,you need never drink again.

soberlicious 04-03-2013 04:23 PM

trachemys...

I believe in you.

Get up. C'mon. It's time.

xo

trachemys 04-03-2013 05:01 PM

maybe tomorrow


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