It REALLY Has Become Easier

Old 06-24-2013, 04:47 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Only being on day 2, I can imagine. Some beasts might be more powerful than others, but none of them are more powerful than we are. It's just a mind ****. Witching hour is approaching, like I knew it would, and I can feel the itch, but it isn't what I want to do, the beast does. Sometimes my children want to eat chocolate when I say NO. Weak parents might give in, ie's "the drinkers", others stand their ground, ie "me." I like the reference to sweet oblivion by the way.
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Old 06-24-2013, 07:43 PM
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lessgravity,
the trough...sure i slid into that "voice", and yes, that gets less frequent and less severe.
but right from the start what i did was pay attention to what's behind it, what you describe as how much I want that sweet oblivion. and i'd ask why? why do i want oblivion? what do i want to get away from? what is going on with me that i don't want to "be" with? why does oblivion look sweet? why not like a loss?

on and on. those were the things that, in a way, got harder for a while. but eventually even THAT got less intense and much much easier

why do you want oblivion?
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Old 06-24-2013, 07:50 PM
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Nonsensical, you are FANTASTIC.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:21 AM
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Hears The Voice
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Originally Posted by neferkamichael View Post
Nonsensical, you are FANTASTIC.
Indeed. Unless I'm not.
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Old 06-25-2013, 04:24 AM
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Originally Posted by fini View Post
lessgravity,
the trough...sure i slid into that "voice", and yes, that gets less frequent and less severe.
but right from the start what i did was pay attention to what's behind it, what you describe as how much I want that sweet oblivion. and i'd ask why? why do i want oblivion? what do i want to get away from? what is going on with me that i don't want to "be" with? why does oblivion look sweet? why not like a loss?

on and on. those were the things that, in a way, got harder for a while. but eventually even THAT got less intense and much much easier

why do you want oblivion?
All good stuff - I don't want that oblivion, you're right. But my AV still is strong enough to tell me I do. I suppose that's what I mean.
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Old 06-25-2013, 06:45 AM
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Those are all great questions to analyze who is behind the beast, but ultimately can't it just be that we want to numb things for a bit? For me I like to drink a bunch of wine to get numb and unwind. There is no deep meaning behind it, just a pure selfish desire to numb up. Maybe in my case that is all there is to the beast, I guess it is different for each person. What I will say is I know it is a "net-loss" but I do it anyways.
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:25 AM
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Originally Posted by lessgravity View Post
All good stuff - I don't want that oblivion, you're right. But my AV still is strong enough to tell me I do. I suppose that's what I mean.
yes, but i meant something different.
for me, it was not helpful to experience a want and not acknowledge it as a want.
the work in the questions came in after that, in accepting it was a want, temporary though it might be, and then trying to see why i wanted it. what was it supposed to do for me? and after i got a good idea of that, finding other ways of getting to where i wanted to be.
most often, it turns out it's about not being comfortable with what i'm feeling. wanting to get the hell out from where i'm at emotionally.

from there, i can choose to do other things.
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:30 AM
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but ultimately can't it just be that we want to numb things for a bit?

oh sure it can be that.
i wouldn't know what it is for you.
for myself, sometimes it was the opposite: it seemed like it let me experience things more intensely. and seems i wanted/needed that at times.

and i'm not saying it's necessary to ask those questions, or to get those "answers". they don't really address the issue of why i kept drinking.
they just speak to one tool i use that helps when i occasionally hear "the voice".
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:37 AM
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whilst i love reading all these extremely clever and fascinating posts,,what about me???
im a rite thicky ,,,and i would lv to have some posts for thickys please xx
lvs yalls xxx cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
lol
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:39 AM
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Well, if you are looking at it from an AVRT standpoint, then all this "I" want oblivion, "I" want to run from emotions, etc....only means that the beast has gotten a hold of the pronouns. That's when sh*t can get hairy.

IHEN, yes, I believe you are exactly correct....no deep meaning behind it, just a pure selfish desire to numb up. Indeed.

No one ever anywhere is completely comfortable with what they are feeling at all times. So isn't it interesting that some people use that as an excuse to cop a good buzz, yet others don't? Hmmmmmm
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:40 AM
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Uh...Cleo, you're not a thicky. You're not getting off that easily
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:42 AM
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dang xxx
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Old 06-25-2013, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by ivehadenoughnow View Post
Those are all great questions to analyze who is behind the beast, but ultimately can't it just be that we want to numb things for a bit? For me I like to drink a bunch of wine to get numb and unwind. There is no deep meaning behind it, just a pure selfish desire to numb up. Maybe in my case that is all there is to the beast, I guess it is different for each person. What I will say is I know it is a "net-loss" but I do it anyways.
The beast is nothing more than pure selfish desire. That is all it is. IMO

And you sound so much like me 3 months ago. Now the thought of "getting numb to unwind" seems ludicrous. I see it as a brief period of enjoyment (maybe the first 3 hours of drinking are...) but, the price I have to pay for that 3 hours is SHEER hell. Hangover, panic, and not even knowing what the hell I did the night before. Self-hatred in its purest form.... yep sounds like fun.
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Old 06-25-2013, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted by jkb View Post
The beast is nothing more than pure selfish desire. That is all it is. IMO

And you sound so much like me 3 months ago. Now the thought of "getting numb to unwind" seems ludicrous. I see it as a brief period of enjoyment (maybe the first 3 hours of drinking are...) but, the price I have to pay for that 3 hours is SHEER hell. Hangover, panic, and not even knowing what the hell I did the night before. Self-hatred in its purest form.... yep sounds like fun.
That is good to hear actually. Partying seems like fun to me, and I don't think that it is the AV talking, I think it is both of us talking. I really enjoy nice wine with my wife when the kids go down. Difference is she can take it or leave it, I can't. I want the whole bottle, so at some point it goes beyond the enjoyment of the wine, doesn't it? I'm "chasing the numb" to what? Forget the stress of the day? Because I like to feeling of being numb? Maybe a combination of things. I'll be exploring with my therapist next week so hopefully I'll get to the bottom of things.
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Old 07-09-2013, 11:36 PM
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Originally Posted by lessgravity View Post
Did it stay getting easier?

Anyone?
has for me.

not always 100% effortless but that's only when i don't do the 'R' (Recognition) bit right, and that usually falls into place after a few seconds.

in my opinion, monitoring your addictive feelings too closely might be counter-productive - it might be beast tactic to trick you into thinking you're no longer addicted, so can have a drink or three.

i've already posted things about this here so won't bash on, but that did happen to me, any time i felt an urge to measure my addiction, or interact with my AV in any way, it wasn't coming from a healthy place.

fine for the AV to try to get my attention - for me to seek out interactions with it, not so great, i found.

just my experiences there - if i'm never going to drink again. why would it matter how easy or hard it is, how strong or weak my beast is, or how bad or cured my addiction is?

those variables only matter if i'm falling in to the mindset of planning a few drinks in the future...
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