It REALLY Has Become Easier
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 123
Only being on day 2, I can imagine. Some beasts might be more powerful than others, but none of them are more powerful than we are. It's just a mind ****. Witching hour is approaching, like I knew it would, and I can feel the itch, but it isn't what I want to do, the beast does. Sometimes my children want to eat chocolate when I say NO. Weak parents might give in, ie's "the drinkers", others stand their ground, ie "me." I like the reference to sweet oblivion by the way.
lessgravity,
the trough...sure i slid into that "voice", and yes, that gets less frequent and less severe.
but right from the start what i did was pay attention to what's behind it, what you describe as how much I want that sweet oblivion. and i'd ask why? why do i want oblivion? what do i want to get away from? what is going on with me that i don't want to "be" with? why does oblivion look sweet? why not like a loss?
on and on. those were the things that, in a way, got harder for a while. but eventually even THAT got less intense and much much easier
why do you want oblivion?
the trough...sure i slid into that "voice", and yes, that gets less frequent and less severe.
but right from the start what i did was pay attention to what's behind it, what you describe as how much I want that sweet oblivion. and i'd ask why? why do i want oblivion? what do i want to get away from? what is going on with me that i don't want to "be" with? why does oblivion look sweet? why not like a loss?
on and on. those were the things that, in a way, got harder for a while. but eventually even THAT got less intense and much much easier
why do you want oblivion?
lessgravity,
the trough...sure i slid into that "voice", and yes, that gets less frequent and less severe.
but right from the start what i did was pay attention to what's behind it, what you describe as how much I want that sweet oblivion. and i'd ask why? why do i want oblivion? what do i want to get away from? what is going on with me that i don't want to "be" with? why does oblivion look sweet? why not like a loss?
on and on. those were the things that, in a way, got harder for a while. but eventually even THAT got less intense and much much easier
why do you want oblivion?
the trough...sure i slid into that "voice", and yes, that gets less frequent and less severe.
but right from the start what i did was pay attention to what's behind it, what you describe as how much I want that sweet oblivion. and i'd ask why? why do i want oblivion? what do i want to get away from? what is going on with me that i don't want to "be" with? why does oblivion look sweet? why not like a loss?
on and on. those were the things that, in a way, got harder for a while. but eventually even THAT got less intense and much much easier
why do you want oblivion?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 123
Those are all great questions to analyze who is behind the beast, but ultimately can't it just be that we want to numb things for a bit? For me I like to drink a bunch of wine to get numb and unwind. There is no deep meaning behind it, just a pure selfish desire to numb up. Maybe in my case that is all there is to the beast, I guess it is different for each person. What I will say is I know it is a "net-loss" but I do it anyways.
for me, it was not helpful to experience a want and not acknowledge it as a want.
the work in the questions came in after that, in accepting it was a want, temporary though it might be, and then trying to see why i wanted it. what was it supposed to do for me? and after i got a good idea of that, finding other ways of getting to where i wanted to be.
most often, it turns out it's about not being comfortable with what i'm feeling. wanting to get the hell out from where i'm at emotionally.
from there, i can choose to do other things.
but ultimately can't it just be that we want to numb things for a bit?
oh sure it can be that.
i wouldn't know what it is for you.
for myself, sometimes it was the opposite: it seemed like it let me experience things more intensely. and seems i wanted/needed that at times.
and i'm not saying it's necessary to ask those questions, or to get those "answers". they don't really address the issue of why i kept drinking.
they just speak to one tool i use that helps when i occasionally hear "the voice".
oh sure it can be that.
i wouldn't know what it is for you.
for myself, sometimes it was the opposite: it seemed like it let me experience things more intensely. and seems i wanted/needed that at times.
and i'm not saying it's necessary to ask those questions, or to get those "answers". they don't really address the issue of why i kept drinking.
they just speak to one tool i use that helps when i occasionally hear "the voice".
whilst i love reading all these extremely clever and fascinating posts,,what about me???
im a rite thicky ,,,and i would lv to have some posts for thickys please xx
lvs yalls xxx cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
lol
im a rite thicky ,,,and i would lv to have some posts for thickys please xx
lvs yalls xxx cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
lol
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Well, if you are looking at it from an AVRT standpoint, then all this "I" want oblivion, "I" want to run from emotions, etc....only means that the beast has gotten a hold of the pronouns. That's when sh*t can get hairy.
IHEN, yes, I believe you are exactly correct....no deep meaning behind it, just a pure selfish desire to numb up. Indeed.
No one ever anywhere is completely comfortable with what they are feeling at all times. So isn't it interesting that some people use that as an excuse to cop a good buzz, yet others don't? Hmmmmmm
IHEN, yes, I believe you are exactly correct....no deep meaning behind it, just a pure selfish desire to numb up. Indeed.
No one ever anywhere is completely comfortable with what they are feeling at all times. So isn't it interesting that some people use that as an excuse to cop a good buzz, yet others don't? Hmmmmmm
Those are all great questions to analyze who is behind the beast, but ultimately can't it just be that we want to numb things for a bit? For me I like to drink a bunch of wine to get numb and unwind. There is no deep meaning behind it, just a pure selfish desire to numb up. Maybe in my case that is all there is to the beast, I guess it is different for each person. What I will say is I know it is a "net-loss" but I do it anyways.
And you sound so much like me 3 months ago. Now the thought of "getting numb to unwind" seems ludicrous. I see it as a brief period of enjoyment (maybe the first 3 hours of drinking are...) but, the price I have to pay for that 3 hours is SHEER hell. Hangover, panic, and not even knowing what the hell I did the night before. Self-hatred in its purest form.... yep sounds like fun.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 123
The beast is nothing more than pure selfish desire. That is all it is. IMO
And you sound so much like me 3 months ago. Now the thought of "getting numb to unwind" seems ludicrous. I see it as a brief period of enjoyment (maybe the first 3 hours of drinking are...) but, the price I have to pay for that 3 hours is SHEER hell. Hangover, panic, and not even knowing what the hell I did the night before. Self-hatred in its purest form.... yep sounds like fun.
And you sound so much like me 3 months ago. Now the thought of "getting numb to unwind" seems ludicrous. I see it as a brief period of enjoyment (maybe the first 3 hours of drinking are...) but, the price I have to pay for that 3 hours is SHEER hell. Hangover, panic, and not even knowing what the hell I did the night before. Self-hatred in its purest form.... yep sounds like fun.
has for me.
not always 100% effortless but that's only when i don't do the 'R' (Recognition) bit right, and that usually falls into place after a few seconds.
in my opinion, monitoring your addictive feelings too closely might be counter-productive - it might be beast tactic to trick you into thinking you're no longer addicted, so can have a drink or three.
i've already posted things about this here so won't bash on, but that did happen to me, any time i felt an urge to measure my addiction, or interact with my AV in any way, it wasn't coming from a healthy place.
fine for the AV to try to get my attention - for me to seek out interactions with it, not so great, i found.
just my experiences there - if i'm never going to drink again. why would it matter how easy or hard it is, how strong or weak my beast is, or how bad or cured my addiction is?
those variables only matter if i'm falling in to the mindset of planning a few drinks in the future...
not always 100% effortless but that's only when i don't do the 'R' (Recognition) bit right, and that usually falls into place after a few seconds.
in my opinion, monitoring your addictive feelings too closely might be counter-productive - it might be beast tactic to trick you into thinking you're no longer addicted, so can have a drink or three.
i've already posted things about this here so won't bash on, but that did happen to me, any time i felt an urge to measure my addiction, or interact with my AV in any way, it wasn't coming from a healthy place.
fine for the AV to try to get my attention - for me to seek out interactions with it, not so great, i found.
just my experiences there - if i'm never going to drink again. why would it matter how easy or hard it is, how strong or weak my beast is, or how bad or cured my addiction is?
those variables only matter if i'm falling in to the mindset of planning a few drinks in the future...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)