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Funny Things My AV Said Today

Old 04-02-2013, 02:58 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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C'mon...since they've got your lower teeth in the shop you can drink your lunch. Beer's just liquid bread, ain't it?
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Old 04-03-2013, 02:33 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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You have a reason to celebrate Fandy! Just a nice pretty glass of dry brut, all the bubbles and wedge of orange in it. What is going to hurt? Recycling day is this week, only one bottle in and out the door in 24...then you can stop again...
Yeah sure i will after many bottles...because there isn't enough wine ever.....that is my issue, i don't know how to stop.
I drink until i am a sick bloated mess....
With pizza it is different, i eat 2-3 slices and am full, thanks very much, i can't possibly want another..
I could be barfing myself for hours up and my voice suggests that another glass will "calm the stomach"
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Old 04-04-2013, 07:18 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Today, the beast was really trying to take advantage of the fact that I was bored and lonely and lazy.

God, some wine would be great right now. Just have enough to take the edge off. You don't have to buy vodka, just get a little wine. This place isn't going to clean itself - just drink enough to get some energy. Nothing bad can happen if you stay home.

Yeah, like I want to be bored and lonely and lazy and drunk and very likely running to a nearby dive at midnight after running out of alcohol. Not happening. Pizza and a Golden Girls marathon may be happening.
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Old 04-05-2013, 02:14 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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If your wife dies before you, you'd be sad and alone. You'd drink then, right?
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:03 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Nonsensical View Post
If your wife dies before you, you'd be sad and alone. You'd drink then, right?
You have one desperate beast, Non.
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Old 04-05-2013, 11:42 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SoberKnitter View Post
You have one desperate beast, Non.
Good! It's annoying, but HE can be desperate for a while. Bastadge made me feel desperate often enough over the past 3 decades.

We are also doing some estate planning recently, so we are discussing death more than normal. What happens if I die first? what happens if she dies first? what happens if we die simultaneously? The beast stuck his ugly snout into my head during that discussion.
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Old 04-05-2013, 04:07 PM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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I'll give you the option to drink again when you turn 95.
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Old 04-07-2013, 11:10 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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This evening, I was starving.

You know what sounds good? Soup from that Italian place. You could sit at the bar and just have one glass of wine while you wait and one with your soup. Wine is good with soup. You can stop at two. Nothing bad can happen if you just drink a couple. Come on, soup and wine will be a relaxing dinner, and then you can just go home. No harm done.

I started to go sit at the bar and have soup and iced tea just to tick the beast off, but I decided that I didn't even want any of that overpriced soup. I had a delicious veggie sandwich and chips.

I've noticed that the beast is trying to get sneaky by not leading with the suggestion of alcohol. It's also really hung up on wine. I guess it can't find a clever and seemingly harmless way to suggest drinking vodka from the bottle.
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Old 04-08-2013, 07:18 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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We could make it on our own. We could get a little place together. Do some remodeling. Live off your pension and savings. Hang out in the evenings having a few beers...

He really has lost touch.
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Old 04-08-2013, 07:32 AM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Haha! I think your AV may be trying to romance you, non.
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Old 04-08-2013, 07:48 AM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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Too bad he's complete rubbish in the sack.
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:02 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
 
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LMAO...next he'll be sending you flowers, Non.

Funny you said that about the wife dying and what then. When I quit for good this last time, I didn't really know anything about the Beast, etc, but I certainly did understand my capacity for excuses. I did this thing with myself where I went through every single horrible thing I could imagine, so that I could then answer "NO, not even then". I even purposely presented the absolute hands-down worse possible scenario, the idea of the loss of one of my children...so that I could clearly state, "no, not even then". It was my attempt to seal every crack.

The Beast is opportunistic scum and will use even the most unspeakable tragedy to it's benefit. I do not forget that.

ps...I just realized the title of this thread and none of that was "funny". Sorry all...
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Old 04-11-2013, 11:28 AM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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It is early spring where I live and people are sitting outside bars drinking cold beer and my AV would love me to join them but I am watching a DVD instead.
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Old 04-11-2013, 11:49 AM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Harveysmiles View Post
It is early spring where I live and people are sitting outside bars drinking cold beer and my AV would love me to join them but I am watching a DVD instead.
Since the weather is getting nicer, my AV screams about it continually.

Are you telling me you're not going to drink all summer?? Seriously? No way - there's just no way. You at least can drink a few Dos Equis and enjoy the sun! Just stick with beer and it will be fine. Remember how fun and relaxing it is to drink all afternoon?

LOL. "Fun and relaxing" is not at all how I remember those afternoons drinking beer ending.
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Old 04-12-2013, 02:06 AM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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I had one of those icky dreams where my wife is going to leave me but won't tell me why. In my dream my AV said, "it's OK, at least now we can just go get a motel room and a bottle."

That little bugger really might be trying to get into my knickers, eh?
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:31 AM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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I had my first drunk dream last night. I also woke up with a horrible headache so it took me several minutes before I truly realized it was a dream. Oddly, I can't remember the dream except I know it involved a bunch of Budweiser beer and a pile of empty cans.
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Old 04-18-2013, 09:56 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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This morning, out of nowhere:

Why don't you Google the health benefits of moderate drinking?

I might as well Google the health benefits of eating magical beans, since I can't do that either. I love that my beast is so concerned about my health, since drinking trashed my liver and I have broken several bones in drunken falls (including my nose... three times).
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Old 04-18-2013, 11:39 AM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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It wasn't today, but last week I was in Boston while my sister had major brain surgery. The stress was incredible and my AV was telling me, "You know what would knock that stress down, don't you, Carl...a drink."

It was also telling me that if she died from the procedure, a relapse would be justified.

By the way, she came out of surgery fine. And I had no urge to celebrate with drinking.
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Old 04-19-2013, 07:30 AM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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Last night at the grocery store:

Get a couple bottles of wine. Your tolerance has to be way down, so I bet it would be an awesome buzz. No one will know.

The "no one will know" thing is new. Don't know where that came from. I live alone, so it's not like it matters to anyone but me whether or not I sit home alone and get trashed. Maybe my beast is worried about you guys!

It was also funny because I would know. I am someone, whether the beast thinks so or not.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:23 AM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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You could get drunk, sober up and be undetectable when Mrs Non came home if you start RIGHT NOW.
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