Letting the Beast Out
 

I let the beast out on Friday. 'A few beers' led to a blackout and I woke up in my neighbor's bushes. Saturday morning the 'hair of the dog' turned into me waking up on the floor of my office at 3 in the afternoon. Nice bruise on my head. I wonder what I hit it on.

I no longer have any control at all when I drink. None. I cannot predict my actions.

It is not acceptable.

There is only one reasonable conclusion.

I am never drinking again.

Gosh, I was there just a few days ago. I am 2 days sober. I saw a post of yours on the newbie thread. An everyday drinker, and I have two kids. There is no excuse for how I lived my life over the last year and a half.

Beer was my thing too. I woke up with a huge bruise on my arm. I still hurts a lot. I have NO IDEA how I got it. I felt so ashamed and utterly disappointed in myself.

I hope you get back "on the horse." I wonder if I will have relapses, too; I really don't want to be where I was a few days ago, especially when a few days being sober has felt so good.

Working on self-acceptance and reading a few books has helped. So has this site and the people on it.

Hope you feel better about yourself soon.

Seems like the only sane thing to do Nonsensical. I have found life to be so much easier once drinking was off the the list of options. Now I feel I am living life rather than struggling.

I'm sorry Nonsensical. I've been there. I still remember how craptastic i felt at the time. (July 17, 2010....). I'm happy to report it was also my 2nd to last binge.
I was disgusted with wasting 2 beautiful sunny days drinking in a dark room by myself, wallowing in self pity. The last one was shorter and i came to realize they would happen around the same time, every other month? Go figure, it made no sense to me... i'm a slow learner but i finally got it.
March 17 is a great day to start.
Google "kick the drink easily" by Jason Vale...it's a book, you can download a free sample.
Hope you feel better today.

sorry to hear Nonsensical - but if it gets you to a point of knowing that drinking is now irrevocably forever in the past for you, it's in essence a positive event :)

It came as a huge relief when i made that decision Non,
IMHO It's only poison with good advertising,

Bestwishes, M

I'm up. Short night, but I slept most of yesterday. Sleeping it off.

It is somewhat of a relief to have accepted that making my own Big Plan was necessary. I can now guarantee that my drinking will never hurt anyone. If I were to drink I cannot be certain I won't become dangerous.

I don't really feel bad about myself, 1stthingsfirst. I see the positives that Dee pointed out. It's a new day. :)

....oh, and I am never changing my mind.

Having St. Patrick's Day as my sober anniversary is kinda cool, too. :a122:

Awesome! Way cool!!

Great to hear you being real, Non. :)

It got cast into cement for me Nonsensical when I pushed my BP over into the realm of morality, as you did there. I have a friend who lost the life of her husband and infant daughter to a drunk driver. A dozen lives were irrevocably rendered in that split second of horrific and incomprehensible carnage. When I conflated being drunk with risking the lives of others, the goodness or rightness of the plan became complete.

When I think of this, I simply cannot drink again.

Hey Non,
I like to quote another favorite member...she says the alcohol question has been "asked and answered". No need to test the hypothesis again, the answer is and will always be the same. That makes it easy to move on. To truly know the answer is to be able to breathe again. It no longer takes up space in my head. I closed the book on it, put it to bed, stuck a fork in it...if I could think of any other nifty cheesy metaphors I would use them.

Now you have more head space to focus on the truly important things in life like family, carpentry...and BACON. xo

((Non)) - My last relapse was, finally, all the proof that I needed that I couldn't do that any more.

Really glad that you found it out without doing any more damage.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I still think , even though you have a ton of projects, that you should build a coffin for your AV. Who knows.... A little marketing and bam! A new business is born. Every alkie will have to have one! Say a prayer... Put it in.... Throw a piece of paper with the reason why you cannot drink.. Close it up... Put it in the corner.

Might be a silly idea. But it's at least creative!

Was this the dinner party night non?

I'm sorry it happened, but you seem strong in your resolve now, so thats good!

Im sorry I had to laugh at this. Sounds like something I would do :)

Never drinking again and never changing my mind sounds like something I would do too ;)

I never made it that far. I decided to drink on Friday,and it went quite poorly.

Thanks for your posts. Like you my alcoholism appears to have developed to such a point that if I have even a small amount to drink I can loose total control and blackout very quickly and all hell breaks loose. That alcoholism is a progressive illness has become very apparent to me recently. With nasty consequences. I hope you are sober as I type these words. All the best.

Hi Nonsensical. You've suffered a setback, but you now have new resolve. That's how I was after my last binge - I suppose I needed further proof. There wasn't a shadow of a doubt. I couldn't touch the stuff. Picking up again would bring danger & probably death. That was over 5 yrs. ago, and I never looked back. I'm glad you're back on track. We know you can do this.

Just went and apologized to the neighbors. I tried to yesterday but they weren't home. His comment, "We've all been there. I had to quit drinking three and a half years ago. Let me know if you need help." With a knowing little nod.

Looks like I may have picked the right neighbor's bushes to fall down in. D'Oh!

Wow, what a great neighbor, huh?:)

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I'm sorry for the embarrassment, but glad you didn't suffer any lasting damage. :) In fact it sounds like a big win in the long-run. As counter-intutitive as it seems, I think you'll find "never" to be the easiest way to go, Non. It's certainly safest!

wow;
looks like you might have fallen into the path of a real-life sobriety-buddy!

and wow for going and apologizing.