help
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Legna, all you can really do is temper all of your decisions with the knowledge that someone in the throes of addiction isn't in the best state to make very rational choices. As you well know we can often do our best and life still keeps throwing us curve balls. Ask yourself what it really means to act out of loving kindness in this situation and follow your heart.
I hope it all works out and the both of you have a long and happy life together. Sending you both good vibes and best wishes.
I hope it all works out and the both of you have a long and happy life together. Sending you both good vibes and best wishes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 625
There is no shortage of drama inherent in this post and I'd like to make it very clear that I am not posting for drama's sake. Too, there are legal issues here and I don't want to romanticize the situation or glorify the choices that have been made. I'm writing for a number of reasons:
First, to remind anyone who thinks that after a few years of abstinance, that things will get better...that they won't.
Second, to share my journey through this and to hold myself accountable to someone. I've shared here that my recovery is growing through this and while that is true - I've also noted, more recently, that in addition to some of the most spiritual thoughts and emotional breakthroughs I've experienced, I've also had some of the most depraved thoughts that I have ever thought just under the surface. It seems growth is in balance - as the potential increases for what most would call 'good', it also increases for what most would call 'bad'. Typing this to someone keeps me grounded.
Today is Wednesday. Sunday morning toward the end of my Saturday night shift my wife called me at work; there were people outside the house in her car. Rushing home, she texted that they had broken in the house. I got home to find her in the middle of a full blown drug induced psychosis. No one was in the house, nor had anyone been outside.
The episodes have continued.
Monday morning we took her to get an assessment, she had to return the next day at 7am. Monday evening she received a message ordering her to turn herself in the next morning at 8 am to the parole department for a dirty UA. The two locations are more than an hours distance from each other - she couldn't make both. She returned to the counselors on Tuesday morning; I dropped her off...then left so I was not a party to her not turning herself in if that's what she chose to do.
The fact is, as soon as they find her she's going back to prison for life, assuming she lives through this, unless she is in a treatment center when she makes the call. There will still be serious consequences of course, which very likely include some time behind bars, but it is unlikely to be life. I understand that there is no bed available now but that she is prioritized for one, that she is in a safe place and that she has a ride to the detox part of the treatment center when one does become available.
There is a really fine line here that we are walking and it may seem that we are being a bit cavalier with her life. She's facing life imprisonment and after twenty-four years inside, she would rather die than go back and so the risks at this moment seem justified. I haven't seen her for over 30 hours now and my tools for living in the moment instead of all thirty hours at once are faltering a bit.
Anyway, my focus is slipping and I'm not even sure what I'm saying any longer. I know I have to get ready and go to work in two hours for a twelve hour shift. Do me a favor please, find someone you love and give them a hug or call them and tell them you love them, would you? I'll take it personal.
First, to remind anyone who thinks that after a few years of abstinance, that things will get better...that they won't.
Second, to share my journey through this and to hold myself accountable to someone. I've shared here that my recovery is growing through this and while that is true - I've also noted, more recently, that in addition to some of the most spiritual thoughts and emotional breakthroughs I've experienced, I've also had some of the most depraved thoughts that I have ever thought just under the surface. It seems growth is in balance - as the potential increases for what most would call 'good', it also increases for what most would call 'bad'. Typing this to someone keeps me grounded.
Today is Wednesday. Sunday morning toward the end of my Saturday night shift my wife called me at work; there were people outside the house in her car. Rushing home, she texted that they had broken in the house. I got home to find her in the middle of a full blown drug induced psychosis. No one was in the house, nor had anyone been outside.
The episodes have continued.
Monday morning we took her to get an assessment, she had to return the next day at 7am. Monday evening she received a message ordering her to turn herself in the next morning at 8 am to the parole department for a dirty UA. The two locations are more than an hours distance from each other - she couldn't make both. She returned to the counselors on Tuesday morning; I dropped her off...then left so I was not a party to her not turning herself in if that's what she chose to do.
The fact is, as soon as they find her she's going back to prison for life, assuming she lives through this, unless she is in a treatment center when she makes the call. There will still be serious consequences of course, which very likely include some time behind bars, but it is unlikely to be life. I understand that there is no bed available now but that she is prioritized for one, that she is in a safe place and that she has a ride to the detox part of the treatment center when one does become available.
There is a really fine line here that we are walking and it may seem that we are being a bit cavalier with her life. She's facing life imprisonment and after twenty-four years inside, she would rather die than go back and so the risks at this moment seem justified. I haven't seen her for over 30 hours now and my tools for living in the moment instead of all thirty hours at once are faltering a bit.
Anyway, my focus is slipping and I'm not even sure what I'm saying any longer. I know I have to get ready and go to work in two hours for a twelve hour shift. Do me a favor please, find someone you love and give them a hug or call them and tell them you love them, would you? I'll take it personal.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 625
Friday: My wife got into what is called a sobering unit at 6:00am this morning. It is a transitional unit prior to a transfer upstairs to the detox unit. She moves to the detox unit at 6pm when a bed becomes available. They hold her ten days in detox and then she is transfered to a 45-day inpatient treatment center. That was the plan. Here's what happened:
6am she is supposed to be there. She is being brought in by a member of the mental health team on our reservation. We are Native Americans... so soberlicious, the whole 'sort of' response to the Baker/Marchmen acts....we're on a reservation, we're suppose to be sovereign...some things fly - others don't. Sort of. Anywho, I was waiting outside the sobering unit at 6am...okay 5:30am to make sure I wasn't late. They arrived at 8:30am because the driver stopped at her house with my wife to feed the dogs, the chickens and the get the kids off to school. Let me be clear here - this was not a favor to my wife, the woman's full time job with the tribe is to bring people to their medical appointments...she just decided to make a two and a half hour detour for personal reasons.
I give my wife a hug and tell her I love her. I'm informed that she can't call while in the sobering unit but she will be able to when she goes upstairs to detox. Okay, 6pm isn't that far away. She calls at 10am...I can hardly understand her as she's sobbing uncontrollably. 10:30am I get a call from the Emergency Room at the hospital...it's a friend in recovery, my wife has just been brought in. When I get there she's...I don't know what to say, I've seen rough detoxes in my life...she's in trouble. They medicate her and decide against admitting her (there were some legal benefits to not admitting her) and release her back to the sobering unit at 3:30pm with a pharmacy worth of drugs.
She calls me at 3:42pm...they aren't going to allow her to go to the detox because she has a warrant out for her arrest. Her Parole Officer is out until the 18th, the sobering unit can only hold her twelve hours. I called the addiction team... this was their plan after all - they knew our situation and this was their recommendation. Nothing they can do then. I blew up. She didn't report because the addiction team told us they could get her into treatment... now there is nothing they can do? Her response? "Well do you really expect anyone to believe that you didn't know she was using until just a week ago or so?" I hung up.
I've spoken with detox and got them to agree to allow her to move up until Monday morning when her Parole officer returns. At that time, it is our hope he will squash the warrant and allow her to finish the treatment plan. I'm off to a f2f meeting.
6am she is supposed to be there. She is being brought in by a member of the mental health team on our reservation. We are Native Americans... so soberlicious, the whole 'sort of' response to the Baker/Marchmen acts....we're on a reservation, we're suppose to be sovereign...some things fly - others don't. Sort of. Anywho, I was waiting outside the sobering unit at 6am...okay 5:30am to make sure I wasn't late. They arrived at 8:30am because the driver stopped at her house with my wife to feed the dogs, the chickens and the get the kids off to school. Let me be clear here - this was not a favor to my wife, the woman's full time job with the tribe is to bring people to their medical appointments...she just decided to make a two and a half hour detour for personal reasons.
I give my wife a hug and tell her I love her. I'm informed that she can't call while in the sobering unit but she will be able to when she goes upstairs to detox. Okay, 6pm isn't that far away. She calls at 10am...I can hardly understand her as she's sobbing uncontrollably. 10:30am I get a call from the Emergency Room at the hospital...it's a friend in recovery, my wife has just been brought in. When I get there she's...I don't know what to say, I've seen rough detoxes in my life...she's in trouble. They medicate her and decide against admitting her (there were some legal benefits to not admitting her) and release her back to the sobering unit at 3:30pm with a pharmacy worth of drugs.
She calls me at 3:42pm...they aren't going to allow her to go to the detox because she has a warrant out for her arrest. Her Parole Officer is out until the 18th, the sobering unit can only hold her twelve hours. I called the addiction team... this was their plan after all - they knew our situation and this was their recommendation. Nothing they can do then. I blew up. She didn't report because the addiction team told us they could get her into treatment... now there is nothing they can do? Her response? "Well do you really expect anyone to believe that you didn't know she was using until just a week ago or so?" I hung up.
I've spoken with detox and got them to agree to allow her to move up until Monday morning when her Parole officer returns. At that time, it is our hope he will squash the warrant and allow her to finish the treatment plan. I'm off to a f2f meeting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,446
My heart goes out to you both.
OMG. Right now, you and your wife getting through the next couple of days is what is foremost in my mind. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I am filled only with emotions here, and angry as hell on your behalf!
It's good that you were able to calm down enough to speak to the detox center again; going to add my prayers that they allow her to finish the treatment and will then reassess her.
We are all here for you
Vxx
OMG. Right now, you and your wife getting through the next couple of days is what is foremost in my mind. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I am filled only with emotions here, and angry as hell on your behalf!
It's good that you were able to calm down enough to speak to the detox center again; going to add my prayers that they allow her to finish the treatment and will then reassess her.
We are all here for you
Vxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 625
This will be my last update in this thread. Thank you all for the support.
Monday morning I was at my wifes parole officer's office to speak to him and tell him in person where she was and why. We had both left messages on his phone but his recording said that he would be out of the office until the 18th which was Monday. He still wasn't there but another officer told me that her parole officer had been changed and gave me the address to the office where he was.
I went to that office next. I introduced myself, explained the situation and told him that my wife was in detox; that there was a warrant out for her and it would intefer with her ability to get into treatment and that my wife would be calling herself as soon as he detox allowed her to use the phones again. He went to detox himself, talked with my wife and told her that he verified that we had called her old parole officer's office on each of the dates that we had said we did, that it was clear that she was trying to do the right thing and so he would squash the warrant and suggested that afte she had finished detox she go home to await treatment. Just call him as soon as she got out.
She got out of detox today. I picked her up and we went to his office. He called her back 'to talk'. I heard the handcuffs before the door finished closing. She's gone. I don't know where.
Monday morning I was at my wifes parole officer's office to speak to him and tell him in person where she was and why. We had both left messages on his phone but his recording said that he would be out of the office until the 18th which was Monday. He still wasn't there but another officer told me that her parole officer had been changed and gave me the address to the office where he was.
I went to that office next. I introduced myself, explained the situation and told him that my wife was in detox; that there was a warrant out for her and it would intefer with her ability to get into treatment and that my wife would be calling herself as soon as he detox allowed her to use the phones again. He went to detox himself, talked with my wife and told her that he verified that we had called her old parole officer's office on each of the dates that we had said we did, that it was clear that she was trying to do the right thing and so he would squash the warrant and suggested that afte she had finished detox she go home to await treatment. Just call him as soon as she got out.
She got out of detox today. I picked her up and we went to his office. He called her back 'to talk'. I heard the handcuffs before the door finished closing. She's gone. I don't know where.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
I'm sorry your shutting down 
Not everyone is up front and honest. If not on this thread...I hope you still come back for support. Some of us are trustworthy and even some in the system are.
Take a bitter moment and then move on and find support (hug)
PS: most people have no idea what the soventry of native american's mean...there is a huge cultural gap...and I'm sure I'm guilty too...
But my heart goes out to you and your wife. I care about alchoholics and the families they effect...the rest is stuff I have to learn to understand...
Please take care and find any avenue to help you deal.
Nands
Not everyone is up front and honest. If not on this thread...I hope you still come back for support. Some of us are trustworthy and even some in the system are.
Take a bitter moment and then move on and find support (hug)
PS: most people have no idea what the soventry of native american's mean...there is a huge cultural gap...and I'm sure I'm guilty too...
But my heart goes out to you and your wife. I care about alchoholics and the families they effect...the rest is stuff I have to learn to understand...
Please take care and find any avenue to help you deal.
Nands
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Legna , I get so much from your posts I hope you don't stop sharing. I learn a lot about my own recovery, bot as a recovering addict and as a family member to several. In your posts, I find strength. I'm selfish, and hope you return.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 625
Hi all,
I only meant that I was planning on not updating this thread any longer - not that I plan on leaving SR or that I would stop posting. Her journey is no longer one of relapse and return or even relapse and die. It's now relapse and prison. There really are no further positive developments to hope for.
Perhaps I'll start a new thread if something monumental happens. You folks really are the best - thank you.
I only meant that I was planning on not updating this thread any longer - not that I plan on leaving SR or that I would stop posting. Her journey is no longer one of relapse and return or even relapse and die. It's now relapse and prison. There really are no further positive developments to hope for.
Perhaps I'll start a new thread if something monumental happens. You folks really are the best - thank you.
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