Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 23
Hello
Hi, I have been sober for 38 days. I give a lot of the credit to this website and a little to myself for realising what I was doing wasn't working for me. I am struggling to find a method of recovery that can give me the confidence that this thing called sobriety can be long lasting.
I got sober and stayed that way for four years with a trip to rehab and a couple of months actively in AA. After those two months the belief that I could never drink again and my life depended on it kept me that way. I didn't feel like I was "white knuckling it" because the only time I thought about alcohol was when I was thinking about how lucky I was that it was out of my life. The problem with that was that 4 years of sobriety wasn't long enough. I thought I was cured and went back to drinking. BAD decision.
AA isn't really an option for me because I know I can't commit to going to meetings with any regularity for the rest of my life. I feel like I would just be setting myself up for failure. I have been researching other methods but there are so many and I'm a little overwhelmed with the importance of making a good choice. So I haven't really commited to anything. Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated.
I got sober and stayed that way for four years with a trip to rehab and a couple of months actively in AA. After those two months the belief that I could never drink again and my life depended on it kept me that way. I didn't feel like I was "white knuckling it" because the only time I thought about alcohol was when I was thinking about how lucky I was that it was out of my life. The problem with that was that 4 years of sobriety wasn't long enough. I thought I was cured and went back to drinking. BAD decision.
AA isn't really an option for me because I know I can't commit to going to meetings with any regularity for the rest of my life. I feel like I would just be setting myself up for failure. I have been researching other methods but there are so many and I'm a little overwhelmed with the importance of making a good choice. So I haven't really commited to anything. Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hello Lilly, and welcome.
you had a belief, did something that worked, dropped the thing that worked and the belief changed. or, you changed the belief (thought you could now drink again). am i getting that right, more or less?
...other methods but there are so many and I'm a little overwhelmed with the importance of making a good choice. So I haven't really commited to anything
hm...if it were me saying what you're saying there that would have been one of my clever tricks to keep me from doing much of anything.
i don't think it's nearly as important to make "a good choice" as it is to actually DO the stuff the choice suggests you do.
any choice you look at can be used to set yourself up for "failure" or "success".
depends on you more than the method, i think.
people get and stay sober in all kinds of ways.
just some thoughts.
you had a belief, did something that worked, dropped the thing that worked and the belief changed. or, you changed the belief (thought you could now drink again). am i getting that right, more or less?
...other methods but there are so many and I'm a little overwhelmed with the importance of making a good choice. So I haven't really commited to anything
hm...if it were me saying what you're saying there that would have been one of my clever tricks to keep me from doing much of anything.
i don't think it's nearly as important to make "a good choice" as it is to actually DO the stuff the choice suggests you do.
any choice you look at can be used to set yourself up for "failure" or "success".
depends on you more than the method, i think.
people get and stay sober in all kinds of ways.
just some thoughts.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Hi Lilly,
Welcome to SR!
Myself, I don't commit to programs or techniques or meetings or whatever. I really do though commit to myself as a free agent with options, lol.
Seriously.
I think commitments can be greatly misused and abused. To each their own of course though, no problemo. FWIW, I've been doing AA and AVRT freely and as I choose with great success.
Is commitment a tool of recovery? I think not. Commitment is a personal challenge and enjoyment when successful, and is not limited to recovery efforts.
I would suggest there is no downside to commitments when we take ownership for ourselves and not also for generalities of whatever else may be on the day's menu.
Recovery is a choice, and everything following that initial original choice are as well respective choices in themselves. I'm very committed to my happy and successful life, and this then would be sufficient to include my recovery without further commitment to whatever recovery efforts.
Welcome to SR!
Myself, I don't commit to programs or techniques or meetings or whatever. I really do though commit to myself as a free agent with options, lol.
Seriously.
I think commitments can be greatly misused and abused. To each their own of course though, no problemo. FWIW, I've been doing AA and AVRT freely and as I choose with great success.
Is commitment a tool of recovery? I think not. Commitment is a personal challenge and enjoyment when successful, and is not limited to recovery efforts.
I would suggest there is no downside to commitments when we take ownership for ourselves and not also for generalities of whatever else may be on the day's menu.
Recovery is a choice, and everything following that initial original choice are as well respective choices in themselves. I'm very committed to my happy and successful life, and this then would be sufficient to include my recovery without further commitment to whatever recovery efforts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 23
Thanks for the responses. Definitely gives me things to ponder.
I read the intro to AVRT and it seems like a more structured/ detailed method of the belief I had in the beginning of my sober journey that I can never drink again. So I will continue with that. I also like the spiritual aspect of AA so I will continue with that to the best of my ability. If these things get to the point that they aren't working for me I will move on to something else. I guess if I continue on that path I will remain sober for the long term. Just doing what has to be done to keep myself sober.
I read the intro to AVRT and it seems like a more structured/ detailed method of the belief I had in the beginning of my sober journey that I can never drink again. So I will continue with that. I also like the spiritual aspect of AA so I will continue with that to the best of my ability. If these things get to the point that they aren't working for me I will move on to something else. I guess if I continue on that path I will remain sober for the long term. Just doing what has to be done to keep myself sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 300
Hi Lilly,
A quick disclaimer - (I too am trying to make sobriety a permanent feature of my life, but it hasn't been plain sailing as my posts have shown) I am not sober very long so take my views as those of someone who is also a novice.
I've wrestled with so many issues and diversions and red-herrings since I've edged my way towards the realisation that I needed to quit drinking for good, forever, never again. The problems I've had especially have been centred on terms or false dilemmas I've constructed in my own mind about the language of AVRT (which I do think is the 'method' that appeals to me most although I have come to think the very tight focus it has can be supplemented with other facets of other methods without compromising the integrity of its purpose). For me I now know that theoretical discussions aren't worth a s***e if I continue to drink. So in the same way that meditation for example is a practice, I've come to think of sobriety as a practice. Reading and debates are great but I know I've gotta stay sober first and foremost.
There are so many clever and helpful people around here who have myriad experiences to share, and for me reading and discussing with them has brought me to a point where I feel I can move forward with my own practice of sobriety.
A quick disclaimer - (I too am trying to make sobriety a permanent feature of my life, but it hasn't been plain sailing as my posts have shown) I am not sober very long so take my views as those of someone who is also a novice.
I've wrestled with so many issues and diversions and red-herrings since I've edged my way towards the realisation that I needed to quit drinking for good, forever, never again. The problems I've had especially have been centred on terms or false dilemmas I've constructed in my own mind about the language of AVRT (which I do think is the 'method' that appeals to me most although I have come to think the very tight focus it has can be supplemented with other facets of other methods without compromising the integrity of its purpose). For me I now know that theoretical discussions aren't worth a s***e if I continue to drink. So in the same way that meditation for example is a practice, I've come to think of sobriety as a practice. Reading and debates are great but I know I've gotta stay sober first and foremost.
There are so many clever and helpful people around here who have myriad experiences to share, and for me reading and discussing with them has brought me to a point where I feel I can move forward with my own practice of sobriety.
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