My pet ego
My pet ego
I think why AVRT works is because, for me, it's common to recognize my ego on many levels and deal with how much I feed it. And on what diet it thrives.
I have the need for attention like anyone else. I try to be recognized for things or be told I am doing well. My ego needs that. I have learned that the voice that asks for that cannot ask for that all the time. That would be to much.
I cannot expect to be the only one in the room of many to be told good job. I have to shut my ego down and say ... Let others have their time.
Same goes with many of my egos needs. I allow myself to indulge and feed those needs within reason. If I don't life gets out of whack or people really don't want to be around the "egotist"
So I remain humble in just about everything I do.
With my drinking and drugs my ego dominated. I allowed it to consume the conversation.... If there was a conversation at all.
While I knew in other areas of my life I controlled that voice... Ego... I somehow let it loose with drinking. With that I did not require someone else to provide the attention or love or what ever my ego needed. It was me against me.
On the me to me level I was untethered by opinion. Who cares if my drunk AV was an egotist? It felt good to feed. With out provocation. Without thought.
But AVRT helped me see the ego...AV.. In me. See that I treated my drunk ego different from my love ego or my need for attention ego.
I essentially had a pet ego. Daddy's little boy. Who grew. To become a monster!
Getting a monster back into a cage is not easy. But doable. It's in the trickery.
"Here AV! Here boy.... Come to daddy?"
It's not that simplistic yet it is.
I don't drink. Me... Ken does not drink.
You know who does.
I hold the key to the cage. Well I used to. Think I lost it somewhere back there.
Oh well.
I have the need for attention like anyone else. I try to be recognized for things or be told I am doing well. My ego needs that. I have learned that the voice that asks for that cannot ask for that all the time. That would be to much.
I cannot expect to be the only one in the room of many to be told good job. I have to shut my ego down and say ... Let others have their time.
Same goes with many of my egos needs. I allow myself to indulge and feed those needs within reason. If I don't life gets out of whack or people really don't want to be around the "egotist"
So I remain humble in just about everything I do.
With my drinking and drugs my ego dominated. I allowed it to consume the conversation.... If there was a conversation at all.
While I knew in other areas of my life I controlled that voice... Ego... I somehow let it loose with drinking. With that I did not require someone else to provide the attention or love or what ever my ego needed. It was me against me.
On the me to me level I was untethered by opinion. Who cares if my drunk AV was an egotist? It felt good to feed. With out provocation. Without thought.
But AVRT helped me see the ego...AV.. In me. See that I treated my drunk ego different from my love ego or my need for attention ego.
I essentially had a pet ego. Daddy's little boy. Who grew. To become a monster!
Getting a monster back into a cage is not easy. But doable. It's in the trickery.
"Here AV! Here boy.... Come to daddy?"
It's not that simplistic yet it is.
I don't drink. Me... Ken does not drink.
You know who does.
I hold the key to the cage. Well I used to. Think I lost it somewhere back there.
Oh well.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, Ken.
That's a cool post. Very thoughtful, as always.
For me, one of the keys to AVRT is its focus. It doesn't need to be viewed as part of some larger personality or psychological framework. I think the book makes clear the importance of keeping that focus tight. I do apply the techniques to other aspects of my life (I sometimes think of my propensity to procrastinate as "Lazy Voice"), but I realize that's a distortion of AVRT. AVRT—and AV—is tied solely to addiction. I wouldn't want newcomers to think they need to get tangled up in Freudian constructs like ego and id. In fact there's an argument to be made that overcomplicating this stuff serves AV's goals. Once a big plan is made, there's not much to ponder. At least about drinking. And with addiction out of the way, it's a lot easier to start analyzing all those other shadowy corners of the mind.
That's a cool post. Very thoughtful, as always.
For me, one of the keys to AVRT is its focus. It doesn't need to be viewed as part of some larger personality or psychological framework. I think the book makes clear the importance of keeping that focus tight. I do apply the techniques to other aspects of my life (I sometimes think of my propensity to procrastinate as "Lazy Voice"), but I realize that's a distortion of AVRT. AVRT—and AV—is tied solely to addiction. I wouldn't want newcomers to think they need to get tangled up in Freudian constructs like ego and id. In fact there's an argument to be made that overcomplicating this stuff serves AV's goals. Once a big plan is made, there's not much to ponder. At least about drinking. And with addiction out of the way, it's a lot easier to start analyzing all those other shadowy corners of the mind.
Point taken RAA... I agree with you that for the AVRT purist that a tight point of view is the best point of view since addiction and overcoming it requires a certain intensity.
I often indulge in the broader sense of my life. Since addiction bleeds into it so much, for me, I need to blend things.
Good to see you! Been a while. Hope all is well.
I often indulge in the broader sense of my life. Since addiction bleeds into it so much, for me, I need to blend things.
Good to see you! Been a while. Hope all is well.
I have a different viewpoint of addictions now at 31 years clean then I did at a few months clean. So much of what we share is time-sensitive to so many more connecting points in our past, present, and future lives. Like countless stars in the heavens, like synapses in our brains, its all relative to the moment. Here. Now.
Sometimes I think most shares of others need to be taken more for their holistic worth and less for their immediate worth in a thread...
Sometimes I think most shares of others need to be taken more for their holistic worth and less for their immediate worth in a thread...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
I agree, Robby. I have a lot of ways of looking at recovery beyond the AVRT lens; but that stuff isn't AVRT; R&A-VRT.
I love your broader view of life, Ken. I think you and I have a lot of the same instincts; I'm constantly probing my addiction to better understand myself. I was making those distinctions more for the sake of newcomers who might pop in for info on AVRT, whether it's now or many years from now.
I love your broader view of life, Ken. I think you and I have a lot of the same instincts; I'm constantly probing my addiction to better understand myself. I was making those distinctions more for the sake of newcomers who might pop in for info on AVRT, whether it's now or many years from now.
Awesome.
Since this thread is posted in simply the secular forum, and not within the AVRT discussion thread, I feel more relaxed about what is what, and I don't sweat the details much.
Its a beautiful day here in Ottawa.
Since this thread is posted in simply the secular forum, and not within the AVRT discussion thread, I feel more relaxed about what is what, and I don't sweat the details much.
Its a beautiful day here in Ottawa.
I rarely play within the rules, hahaaha.
Seriously though, I'm no one to judge others, and when I share I hope that within my shares is enough openness to clearly show I'm just another guy on a keyboard.
Yeah, I have experiences, so do we all. Growing up as kid, and having to fight against other kids attitudes towards cripples kinda of set the game for me, and there's no turning back now, lol.
I play out-of-the-box. My rule book is there are very few rules, and what rules there are, they are all breakable at some point.
Seriously though, I'm no one to judge others, and when I share I hope that within my shares is enough openness to clearly show I'm just another guy on a keyboard.
Yeah, I have experiences, so do we all. Growing up as kid, and having to fight against other kids attitudes towards cripples kinda of set the game for me, and there's no turning back now, lol.
I play out-of-the-box. My rule book is there are very few rules, and what rules there are, they are all breakable at some point.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I think it's a good point R&A and I think it was accepted by Weas in the spirit it was intended. Yes, it is a post in the secular forum, but it does mention AVRT, so the fact that AVRT as written is solely focused on ending substance addiction, swiftly and permanently, is indeed an important distinction for the newcomer. Not so much for Weas because he gets it already.
I address many of my problems in life in an "AVRTish" manner for sure, I always have. It's kind of just the way I think. My natural AVRTishness has served me well. I also have a tendency to a little kumbayish too though...weird. I'm a dichotomous being, as I think many of us here are.
I address many of my problems in life in an "AVRTish" manner for sure, I always have. It's kind of just the way I think. My natural AVRTishness has served me well. I also have a tendency to a little kumbayish too though...weird. I'm a dichotomous being, as I think many of us here are.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by RobbyRobot
I play out-of-the-box. My rule book is there are very few rules, and what rules there are, they are all breakable at some point
It's interesting for me to learn from those with longer term abstinence to see that addiction, while important, has taken it place side by side other issues.
For the newcomer... And I am still very new.... It stands tall in the line up.
I always learn when I put myself out there.
Thanks.
For the newcomer... And I am still very new.... It stands tall in the line up.
I always learn when I put myself out there.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by weasel1966
I always learn when I put myself out there.
I have the need for attention like anyone else. I try to be recognized for things or be told I am doing well. My ego needs that.
How we percieve the world changes how we think about the world, which changes our feelings and actions .
Annyhoo i'd better stop now before my ego dissapears up a black hole of my own making
M
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