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Old 02-13-2013, 10:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
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On the other side


I am happy to report that I finally made it to the other side. I would like to express my gratitude to all of the participants of this forum. I am not a big poster but I want to post my experience because it may help another person. I spent quite a while in a 'trying to quit' phase, where I was trying to quit but knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn't truly last. I read the RR book (The New Cure for Substance Addiction) and all of the AVRT threads and the ideas appealed to me. I just couldn't incorporate them. I kept reading about people reading the book or even just doing the AVRT flashcards on the RR website and having an "aha" moment. I tried to keep my mind open to it but it didn't quite speak to me, so kept reading and pondering. My drinking was getting worse and more depraved. The one thing I could see was that I couldn't think clearly being drunk or hung over. So I was going for strings of days until I had this feeling that it was inevitable for me to drink again and so then I would. Over and over. Then one day I was embarking a vacation with a few days of not drinking under my belt, which would usually be a perfect excuse for me to postpone the not drinking project until later. I was pondering some things written a thread started by Quinn Leigh (I think that's the name) and something Robby Robot said about this concept of "wanting it enough." Somehow a day or so later I saw myself from outside my body and I realized that in fact *I* didn't want to drink and all of the other feelings to the contrary weren't really me. I felt this incredible relief and I wanted to cry. I knew that *I* was done and the jig for *it* was up. I don't really know how else to explain it but that's how it was for me. So what happened since that day (more than 90 days ago)? Lots of things: vacations, stressful work situations, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, a big family birthday party, airline travel, etc. Guess what I figured out, no one can make me drink but me and *I* decided I'm done so, game over.

So if you are where I was and floundering around and "not getting it," don't worry about it, just don't drink and keep an open mind and keep pondering these concepts. Things that I read in the beginning didn't resonate with me in the beginning but did later. Keep at it.

Now a note on how I found happiness in my life post alcohol. Note that my happiness has nothing to do with my continuing to be a non-drinker. That decision has been made and can't be changed. As a non-drinker I will be happy, not happy or something else, but the drinking issue is behind me. I found happiness by embracing the concept that "life is not fair." Something my mom told me long ago. Drinking brought me a lot of misery but also brought me a lot of good times and fun too. This chapter has ended. At times this may make me feel sad, jealous of others that imbibe, nostalgic, etc. and all I have to do is endure these feelings. They, too, shall pass. And they do! It is up to me to find new avenues of "fun" and so I do.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Deeply felt and beautifully written, Dalia. Congratulations to you.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Great post , thanks
I hope you retain the clarity of perception forevermore ,

Bestwishes, M
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you for sharing this... Stay strong and keep us updated
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:51 AM   #5 (permalink)
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congats on yr 90 days or more,, and what a lovely post i really enjoyed reading it and agreed with it all,,big hugs x cleo x
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:35 AM   #6 (permalink)
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dalia
As a non-drinker I will be happy, not happy or something else, but the drinking issue is behind me.
That's it in a nutshell, isn't it? I'm so happy for you. You did it!

xo
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:27 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dalia View Post
I am happy to report that I finally made it to the other side.

... my continuing to be a non-drinker. That decision has been made and can't be changed. ...
Decades from now, you will still remember this single element of that chapter in your distant past, and that's the only thing that matters.

Since I exited the Recovery Group Movement (RGM), I have saved myself thousands of dollars in one or two dollar meeting donations and gas; I have saved myself tens of thousands of hours (which add up to several solid years) spent unnecessarily "managing a one-day-at-a-time sobriety" with other people who believe they are by themselves powerless over alcohol. And the money and time are only the beginning.

I lost a lot of time as a father and husband with my young family because of the time I DID spend in the RGM before I exited it. How that changed my family's future can never be regained. So I feel very fortunate to have discovered AVRT at the very beginning when it was being developed by Jack Trimpey of Rational Recovery.

I think helping people understand that they can end an addiction without the RGM gives me a sense that the little time I spend here can help some other people in an important way down the road of their own lives.
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Old 02-14-2013, 11:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by GerandTwine
I lost a lot of time as a father and husband with my young family because of the time I DID spend in the RGM before I exited it. How that changed my family's future can never be regained.
I remember growing up as a child that for so many years the focus was on drinking, then for many years the focus was on "recovery". I can tell you in my case, either way the focus was not on the family.

As a child, when a parent is absent.. whether for the drink or for involvement in the RGM, it stills feels the same.

GT, I applaud you for putting the focus back where it should be.
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Old 02-15-2013, 03:53 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Brilliant post Dalia, and it sort of reflects what happened with me. I spent a lot of time studying, thinking about, reading and so on but I wasn't ready. Then I was.
I hope those who are in the pondering stage but 'know' they will relapse if they start too soon, will also experience that tipping point where it becomes reality.
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Old 11-21-2013, 03:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I thought that I would update this thread to report that it has now been more than one year! My life is better in every single aspect. I want to beg people that are on the fence with addition ambivalence to come on over to this side. When you are living life in alcoholic haze you are missing out on your own life. You are not being all that you can be. If you aren't sure, stop drinking for now and keep reading threads with an open mind. For me the moment of clarity came and I will never look back. There have been approaches by the beast and moments along the way where I have had to say "never means NEVER." Nothing and no one can make me drink. Whatever gets thrown at me, I just don't drink.

A word on happiness. I am an infrequent poster but a frequent reader. Through my readings on these boards I think that I have developed a deeper understanding and acceptance of myself and my new life. There is oft repeated advice here I have found to be very helpful - get rid of your boozer friends and embrace new activities that are not focused on bars and drinking. Yes, I can still go to bars but guess what, it's really not that fun. I have re-embraced some old hobbies and found some new hobbies and these activities provide me with enormous satisfaction. Being around like-minded people is very rewarding.

Thank you to SR and all participants on these boards!
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Old 11-21-2013, 06:54 PM   #11 (permalink)
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That's a very satisfying postscript, Dalia. There is no better way to bump a good news post than with more good news. Congratulations on your continued success.
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Old 11-22-2013, 01:50 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks for the update, Dalia! I'm glad to see you're still going strong with your recovery.
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I realized I could probably go on drinking like this for maybe two or three more years, or live for another two or three decades...but not both. Suddenly the choice became crystal clear.
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Old 11-24-2013, 08:35 PM   #13 (permalink)
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What a timely post for me to find right now! I just got back from an AA meeting that my friends and daughter bullied me into going to. I hated it, everything about it, especially the part about being powerless over alcohol. I am NOT powerless over alcohol, I just wasn't ready to quit yet. I agree I have to quit drinking, but I am not going to AA when there are other alternatives out there, as you have proven.
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Old 11-24-2013, 08:48 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Scintillady, welcome to this 12 step free corner of Sober Recovery. You most certainly can quit once you decide to do so, and really, that is where this starts. Are you ready to make your own plan about continuing to use alcohol? Please stick around, keep posting, and believe in yourself. You deserve this!
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Old 11-15-2017, 01:34 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Bumping this thread to report that it has now been five years! I truly do not know where the time has gone. I reported above after one year that my life was better in every aspect. The same is even more true today. Getting rid of alcohol allows you to discover and be who you really are. Of course in life there are ups and downs, disappointments, upsets, etc. You deal with whatever you need to deal with and continue to live. Once you take alcohol off the table it's simply off the table. For good. I treasure my big plan. Over the past few years I have embraced a number of activities including exercise, mindfulness/meditation, and dance. None of this would be possible with alcohol. It has been an amazing journey of self discovery and I feel happy and at peace.

Thank you to the SR community for your guidance in the early days. If you are on the fence about drinking, I want you to know that freedom from alcohol is possible and a new life awaits you. I did it and you can do it too!
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Old 11-22-2017, 02:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Thank you so much for your great original post and for the bump.

You are amazing, truly amazing.
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Old 11-26-2017, 06:12 PM   #17 (permalink)
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It's always great to read updates such as these. Thank you!
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Old 11-27-2017, 10:36 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Great update, Dalia! A bit over five years sober for me, too. Time does fly! And sobriety does keep getting better.
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Old 11-30-2017, 04:09 AM   #19 (permalink)
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It is great to read this thread and. Have similar feelings about my own sobriety (just past 4 years now) I have enabled myself to grow and relearn and rediscover myself and build on that to create my life the way I am happiest.
I am proud to be this side and welcome others to join us in discovery.
The A.C.E. (Abstinent Commitment Effect) truly is a moment of wonder I treasure and my life now doesn't have time to waste in groups drinking or talking about it (SR and Internet connectectedness groups excluded) I'm having too much fun living it, even on my down days I feel free to be me
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Old 11-30-2017, 07:01 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Such an awesome and uplifting thread!! Thank you!!
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