Nonsensical

I was driving by myself in a van we used to own. (Some years ago I had a blackout drunk and literally woke up on the interstate driving this van - worst ever drunk driving episode for me.) Driving along, I noticed the brakes are starting to be less effective. The brakes keep getting weaker and weaker and I can sense they will eventually fail. I am looking for a place to get off the highway, but there isn't any.

Now I am going down a hill. At the bottom of the hill is water - a bay. The road is not complete, so if I don't stop I am going into the water. The brakes are not slowing me down enough. I pump and pump and pump, but I barely slow down. I will be going into the water if i don't try something else.

Near the bottom I manage a fish-tailing 180 degree turn. Now I am facing up the hill and into oncoming traffic. I am sliding backwards, but I am hitting the gas and starting to inch back up the hill. I need to get over into the other lane, where everyone is moving in the same direction, but there is too much traffic.

Suddenly I hear my wife's voice from the back seat. I didn't know she was there. She says my name, but in a fearful, questioning tone. A tone to let me know she is questioning my decision to have turned around and fight the traffic back up this hill.

That's when I woke up.

Sometimes I wonder what my dreams meant. This could not have been more clear.

Ananda

HI!

I have to say that this is a typical dream for all human beings...it's about feeling out of control. For an alchoholic it can mean with alchohol (or drugs), or it can mean our relationships, finances, job or any other life matter.

To me it simply means we are stressed and feel out of control. It's an indicator of how we are feeling at the moment....no less no more.

Just my take

Nands

Bigndfan175

GULP - I had a dream 10 years ago equally harrowing and it's clear as a bell for me. Thanks for sharing

instant

Sounds like you have been at a critical time for you- and I guess you have to make a decision- hows it working out?

bemyself

Wow - brilliantly described! I'm quite envious of you for being able to remember your dreams. This one's clearly a doozy for you: ah, the good ole unconscious, eh?? (I'm a Jung fan :-)

Nonsensical

The slope with doom waiting at the end is my alcohol abuse. The brakes going out is my feeling of helplessness about it. The fish-tail to climb uphill is my recent discovery of rational recovery. The fact that I am going against the traffic is the fact that RR is not as widely accepted as more mainstream treatments. My wife voicing her concern is her skepticism of RR.

I had her read some stuff on the RR website, but she remains unconvinced. From the outside it looks to her like I am doing nothing. I just quit drinking, which I have done before only to start again. She has the conventional mindset - I should be getting counseling and going to meetings. That's what alcoholics do.

We talked about it this morning. I explained that I am more optimistic than I have been in a long long time. I know why, even though I really want to quit drinking, I hear that voice in my head compelling me to drink. I know what he is, why he is, how he works, and what he is after. I finally understand my enemy better than I ever have before. I am not his slave any longer, he is mine.

It was a good talk, but she's been lied to before by a Beast who disguised himself as me and used my lips. It will take time for her to understand things are different this time.