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Old 02-03-2013, 08:25 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by received
You know what IS different, soberlicious? The 5 percent of the time I'm out and about and/or with others, I ROCK IT!

And, the 95 percent of the time I'm alone, I am ME, not IT. I've got more projects going on right now than I have had in 5 years.
Thank you for this, and yes, I have more projects going on as well. My other lifestyle choices were not going to sustain an authentic me. I am learning to selectively rock it too...rocking it 24/7 becomes old hat LOL

Again, none of these changes I'm going through have any bearing on my abstinence...oh, but they could if I hadn't decided on permanent abstinence.

Originally Posted by jkb
Not sure I was ever bored
This is an interesting observation. I have felt the same. My eyes were open to many many lies once I learned to identify and seperate from the AV.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:25 AM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
You do not need to understand all your fears in order to quit. The AV will have you to think that...that until you learn to deal with those fears you must stay drunk in order to cope. The irony is, one can never really learn to deal with fear by continually avoiding it. So round and round I go chasing my tail.

The fact of the matter is that YOU are not "comfortable and numb"...IT is. YOU are rather uncomfortable with being numb at this point.

Seperate.
Absolutely. So obvious when I read it like this and simplified too. I thought I was making myself comfortable by stopping the constant AV battle. I'm only making it comfortable and not only am I making myself uncomfortable I'm also making myself quite ill with it.

I've never managed or even thought of seperating the 2 before.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:35 AM
  # 43 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
I'm only making it comfortable and not only am I making myself uncomfortable I'm also making myself quite ill with it.
You might find "The Relapse Anxiety Grid" on p. 190 to make alot of sense.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:39 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Fallow
The day I woke up with my final hangover I internalized my addiction. The sincere desire to quit was present. It had appeared to be present in the past externally. I never knew there was a difference. Sounds silly but I had to feel it for myself. And I did. My Big Plan was made at that moment without argument.

I made the decision. Drinking is no longer an option. This is a relief like I never felt before. It happened way faster than I ever would have believed.
The same "flipping of the switch" happened to me. It has happened to millions...those in programs and those not. How to get someone to experience that is the million dollar question.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:50 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MyTimeNow View Post
Absolutely. So obvious when I read it like this and simplified too. I thought I was making myself comfortable by stopping the constant AV battle. I'm only making it comfortable and not only am I making myself uncomfortable I'm also making myself quite ill with it.

I've never managed or even thought of seperating the 2 before.
Me too.... after giving in I would always think, "well, atleast now that nagging voice will shut up for a while". I had that thought long before I ever knew what AVRT was. Now, looking at it it seems kind- of stupid. If I am actually bored or aggravated why in the world am I going to pick the most self-destructive behavior I can find to conquer those emotions? That's why I say I am not really sure if I am "bored"... I am still having a hard time sorting out my thoughts and feelings from "it". I think my beast just uses, "hey youre bored" because it knows that is an easy way to get to a drink. I really hope that makes sense.
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:54 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
 
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I really hope that makes sense.
perfect sense
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:54 AM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by jkb View Post
I think my beast just uses, "hey youre bored" because it knows that is an easy way to get to a drink. I really hope that makes sense.
Very much so. Awesome.

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Old 02-03-2013, 09:07 AM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by jkb View Post
I think my beast just uses, "hey youre bored" because it knows that is an easy way to get to a drink. I really hope that makes sense.
Wow! Yes! I'd never thought of this either. Brilliant.

The beast is never going to say hey, you've got time on your hands why not do some decorating or bake a cake...

Thanks jkb.
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:09 AM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fallow View Post
Great thread here I got lots out of this. Thanks MTN. The above quote is my whole reality. I forever externalized my 'desire' to quit whether for a finite period of time or on occasions I would consider quitting forever.

I read RR and enjoyed it but read it as a novel. I could not at that time believe my Big Plan. I didnt believe it because i was still in fear of my AV. All of my being still wanted and accepted the desire to drink sometime in the future. I noticed this at the time and should have continued to explore but I got complacent, and drank again.

France was it for me too. I said to myself, what if you are in Bordeaux... You're not going to taste the wine?! Impossible!

So I kept on drinking in the here and now.

The day I woke up with my final hangover I internalized my addiction. The sincere desire to quit was present. It had appeared to be present in the past externally. I never knew there was a difference. Sounds silly but I had to feel it for myself. And I did. My Big Plan was made at that moment without argument.

I made the decision. Drinking is no longer an option. This is a relief like I never felt before. It happened way faster than I ever would have believed.

Now that Ive walked out of that prison I have the chance to work on how I choose to live.
I am so glad to see you doing so well Fallow :ghug3

The bolded part gives me a lot of inspiration. Thank you.
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:25 AM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Do you have any recommendations meditation wise. I've never meditated or really taken time out to think about my thinking. I wouldn't really know where to start.
To meditate I just sit quitely or go about my business of the day. for me it's a state of mind, quite and contemplative . I do find it hard to tell when i've looked at people going to meditation groups do they know the difference between meditation and people just sitting round in a room being quiet ?

I used to have huge conversations with myself arguments examining ideas, i had the equivalent of other peoples attitudes in my head like a judging pannel, frightening lot of warped charecters they were.... before i learned to ignore them or replace them with people i felt would love and cherish me , some of it i solved, some of it i've learned to let go of .

When i examine a thought and say is this useful to me ? more often than not it was'nt so i just let it go... like a no entry sign on a road you just don't go there ...

I've shifted my focus onto learning how my body feels , staying sober makes you feel nice, over eating good things makes you feel yucky ..

My head is pritty much empty now, no chatter, no worries, no big highs, no big lows .

When i realized i need never drink again if i did'nt want to it was a big part in me moving towards the life i'd like to live .

Bestwishes, M
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:46 AM
  # 51 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by mecanix
To meditate I just sit quitely or go about my business of the day. for me it's a state of mind, quite and contemplative . I do find it hard to tell when i've looked at people going to meditation groups do they know the difference between meditation and people just sitting round in a room being quiet ?
Me too mecanix. No cushion necessary, not for me anyway. The person who explained to me what they did, told me "I can stop anytime, anywhere, during the course of my day and tune in to the moment. I can take it to my breath whenever I want to." Brief moments can be very restorative for me.
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Old 02-03-2013, 10:06 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mecanix View Post
To meditate I just sit quitely or go about my business of the day. for me it's a state of mind, quite and contemplative . I do find it hard to tell when i've looked at people going to meditation groups do they know the difference between meditation and people just sitting round in a room being quiet ?

I used to have huge conversations with myself arguments examining ideas, i had the equivalent of other peoples attitudes in my head like a judging pannel, frightening lot of warped charecters they were.... before i learned to ignore them or replace them with people i felt would love and cherish me , some of it i solved, some of it i've learned to let go of .

When i examine a thought and say is this useful to me ? more often than not it was'nt so i just let it go... like a no entry sign on a road you just don't go there ...

I've shifted my focus onto learning how my body feels , staying sober makes you feel nice, over eating good things makes you feel yucky ..

My head is pritty much empty now, no chatter, no worries, no big highs, no big lows .

When i realized i need never drink again if i did'nt want to it was a big part in me moving towards the life i'd like to live .

Bestwishes, M
Thanks mecanix,

I did have visions of getting a mat out, sitting cross legged and ohmmmm-ing!

It is something I will look into. I'm often complaining to anybody that will listen is that the only peace I get is when I am asleep (and not even then all the time) yes there are external things like the kids arguing and sniping but other than that most of it is in my own head, whether it be the AV or general anxiety about something else or having thoughts about other thoughts and arguing with myself in my mind. I'm very good at doing my own head in!

What an enlightening thread this is turning out to be for me. I've always read the posts in here and thought about starting my own thread, but then worried as, well, basically I thought I'd look like an idiot
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Old 02-03-2013, 10:32 AM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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I did have visions of getting a mat out, sitting cross legged and ohmmmm-ing!
If you want to do that to find peace of mind then feel free it's just i've found it hard to relax when i do that.

M
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Old 02-03-2013, 10:51 AM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mecanix View Post
If you want to do that to find peace of mind then feel free it's just i've found it hard to relax when i do that.

M
I think my legs would seize up. Might not be able to get up again!
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Old 02-03-2013, 10:55 AM
  # 55 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by MyTimeNow
I'm often complaining to anybody that will listen is that the only peace I get is when I am asleep (and not even then all the time) yes there are external things like the kids arguing and sniping but other than that most of it is in my own head
I hear ya! I have 15 year old triplet boys, and they usually have several friends over...madhouse at times...I keep looking around for the camera to see if I'm getting "punk'd".

The concept of equanimity is super intriguing to me. The Buddhist definition is subtly different than what the western world might define it as, but generally it is the ability to maintain balance, to be centered, despite what is going on around us. Meditating is a great way to build this emotion. I get glimpses of it the more I practice. xo
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Old 02-03-2013, 11:36 AM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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I started an excellent book on mindfulness. It talks about meditation being a constant part of the day. Its by Burleson and it is a workbook. I really enjoy the exercises in it and I love the concept. It is a recovery based book: Reason, the Moment and Recovery is the title. Right now I can only focus on the RR book but, I keep it by my nightstand.
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Old 02-03-2013, 12:03 PM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
I hear ya! I have 15 year old triplet boys, and they usually have several friends over...madhouse at times...I keep looking around for the camera to see if I'm getting "punk'd".

The concept of equanimity is super intriguing to me. The Buddhist definition is subtly different than what the western world might define it as, but generally it is the ability to maintain balance, to be centered, despite what is going on around us. Meditating is a great way to build this emotion. I get glimpses of it the more I practice. xo
Wow! If I was wearing a hat i'd take it off to you! My ds is 15 and dd just turned 4 last week. You'd think with such an age gap there'd be nothing to bicker about... apparently not.

Thanks for the tip. Next Google search equanimity


Originally Posted by jkb View Post
I started an excellent book on mindfulness. It talks about meditation being a constant part of the day. Its by Burleson and it is a workbook. I really enjoy the exercises in it and I love the concept. It is a recovery based book: Reason, the Moment and Recovery is the title. Right now I can only focus on the RR book but, I keep it by my nightstand.
Thanks jkb I'll look it up
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Old 02-03-2013, 02:24 PM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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Talking

What an absolutely brilliant thread - thanks for starting it MTN.

And just reading through the last few posts (since yesterday over here in Aus), everything that people have said is timely for me.
As some of you may know, I'd been drinking every day (i.e. 'relapsed' in traditional parlance) for nearly two weeks. This morning, before turning on the computer, I said - and wrote in my journal, in CAPITALS (sort of shouting at 'It' :-)) - my Big Plan.

This was after ar*&sing about, to and from the fridge, wherein lay one and a bit bottles of wine left from yesterday evening. I mean, FFS, I'd driven drunk - again - to get them, having finished the rest of the previous day's wine.

And all of this, very much 'driven' by things like intense loneliness and boredom so eloquently described by MTN, soberlicious and others on this thread.

No more, baby, I'm DONE. You wanna bring it on, AV? I'm ready n waiting for ya, heheh. And - if my ailing computer holds up (need to buy a new one) - I'll be on these threads just to fortify my castle of True and Healthy Self.
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Old 02-03-2013, 02:26 PM
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Oh, and I should note: I poured the liquid poison down the sink for the last time. Harrumph! ('Grumpy Old Lady' mode here).
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Old 02-03-2013, 08:52 PM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by bemyself View Post
What an absolutely brilliant thread - thanks for starting it MTN.

And just reading through the last few posts (since yesterday over here in Aus), everything that people have said is timely for me.
As some of you may know, I'd been drinking every day (i.e. 'relapsed' in traditional parlance) for nearly two weeks. This morning, before turning on the computer, I said - and wrote in my journal, in CAPITALS (sort of shouting at 'It' :-)) - my Big Plan.

This was after ar*&sing about, to and from the fridge, wherein lay one and a bit bottles of wine left from yesterday evening. I mean, FFS, I'd driven drunk - again - to get them, having finished the rest of the previous day's wine.

And all of this, very much 'driven' by things like intense loneliness and boredom so eloquently described by MTN, soberlicious and others on this thread.

No more, baby, I'm DONE. You wanna bring it on, AV? I'm ready n waiting for ya, heheh. And - if my ailing computer holds up (need to buy a new one) - I'll be on these threads just to fortify my castle of True and Healthy Self.
Good morning good morning It's silly oclock here in the UK 4.45am and what a fantastic post to get up to!

Congratulations bemyself, I'm so glad it had it has all clicked for you (and from my thread too *puffs chest feels proud* lol

I had an early night last night with intentions of reading more RR. Hmmm promptly fell asleep... will save that for later then.

I've been really wanting exercise to be part of my life for some time now so I've snuck downstairs to have an hour (ok maybe half an hour) on the cross trainer that's in my front room that has been doubling as a clothes horse for far too long. I actually really fancy going for a walk but 1) I can't leave the house and 2) it's still dark and I'd probably get mugged!

So happy to read your post bemyself. Kettle's on, tea all round
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