Originally Posted by received

You know what IS different, soberlicious? The 5 percent of the time I'm out and about and/or with others, I ROCK IT!

And, the 95 percent of the time I'm alone, I am ME, not IT. I've got more projects going on right now than I have had in 5 years.

Originally Posted by jkb

Not sure I was ever bored

Originally Posted by soberlicious (Post 3803171)

You do not need to understand all your fears in order to quit. The AV will have you to think that...that until you learn to deal with those fears you must stay drunk in order to cope. The irony is, one can never really learn to deal with fear by continually avoiding it. So round and round I go chasing my tail.

The fact of the matter is that YOU are not "comfortable and numb"...IT is. YOU are rather uncomfortable with being numb at this point.

Seperate.

Originally Posted by MyTimeNow

I'm only making it comfortable and not only am I making myself uncomfortable I'm also making myself quite ill with it.

Originally Posted by Fallow

The day I woke up with my final hangover I internalized my addiction. The sincere desire to quit was present. It had appeared to be present in the past externally. I never knew there was a difference. Sounds silly but I had to feel it for myself. And I did. My Big Plan was made at that moment without argument.

I made the decision. Drinking is no longer an option. This is a relief like I never felt before. It happened way faster than I ever would have believed.

Originally Posted by MyTimeNow (Post 3803280)

Absolutely. So obvious when I read it like this and simplified too. I thought I was making myself comfortable by stopping the constant AV battle. I'm only making it comfortable and not only am I making myself uncomfortable I'm also making myself quite ill with it.

I've never managed or even thought of seperating the 2 before.

Originally Posted by jkb (Post 3803310)

I think my beast just uses, "hey youre bored" because it knows that is an easy way to get to a drink. I really hope that makes sense.

Originally Posted by jkb (Post 3803310)

I think my beast just uses, "hey youre bored" because it knows that is an easy way to get to a drink. I really hope that makes sense.

Originally Posted by Fallow (Post 3803269)

Great thread here I got lots out of this. Thanks MTN. The above quote is my whole reality. I forever externalized my 'desire' to quit whether for a finite period of time or on occasions I would consider quitting forever.

I read RR and enjoyed it but read it as a novel. I could not at that time believe my Big Plan. I didnt believe it because i was still in fear of my AV. All of my being still wanted and accepted the desire to drink sometime in the future. I noticed this at the time and should have continued to explore but I got complacent, and drank again.

France was it for me too. I said to myself, what if you are in Bordeaux... You're not going to taste the wine?! Impossible!

So I kept on drinking in the here and now.

The day I woke up with my final hangover I internalized my addiction. The sincere desire to quit was present. It had appeared to be present in the past externally. I never knew there was a difference. Sounds silly but I had to feel it for myself. And I did. My Big Plan was made at that moment without argument.

I made the decision. Drinking is no longer an option. This is a relief like I never felt before. It happened way faster than I ever would have believed.

Now that Ive walked out of that prison I have the chance to work on how I choose to live.

Originally Posted by mecanix

To meditate I just sit quitely or go about my business of the day. for me it's a state of mind, quite and contemplative . I do find it hard to tell when i've looked at people going to meditation groups do they know the difference between meditation and people just sitting round in a room being quiet ?

Originally Posted by mecanix (Post 3803351)

To meditate I just sit quitely or go about my business of the day. for me it's a state of mind, quite and contemplative . I do find it hard to tell when i've looked at people going to meditation groups do they know the difference between meditation and people just sitting round in a room being quiet ?

I used to have huge conversations with myself arguments examining ideas, i had the equivalent of other peoples attitudes in my head like a judging pannel, frightening lot of warped charecters they were.... before i learned to ignore them or replace them with people i felt would love and cherish me , some of it i solved, some of it i've learned to let go of .

When i examine a thought and say is this useful to me ? more often than not it was'nt so i just let it go... like a no entry sign on a road you just don't go there ...

I've shifted my focus onto learning how my body feels , staying sober makes you feel nice, over eating good things makes you feel yucky ..

My head is pritty much empty now, no chatter, no worries, no big highs, no big lows .

When i realized i need never drink again if i did'nt want to it was a big part in me moving towards the life i'd like to live .

Bestwishes, M

Originally Posted by mecanix (Post 3803420)

If you want to do that to find peace of mind then feel free :) it's just i've found it hard to relax when i do that.

M

Originally Posted by MyTimeNow

I'm often complaining to anybody that will listen is that the only peace I get is when I am asleep (and not even then all the time) yes there are external things like the kids arguing and sniping but other than that most of it is in my own head

Originally Posted by soberlicious (Post 3803460)

I hear ya! I have 15 year old triplet boys, and they usually have several friends over...madhouse at times...I keep looking around for the camera to see if I'm getting "punk'd".

The concept of equanimity is super intriguing to me. The Buddhist definition is subtly different than what the western world might define it as, but generally it is the ability to maintain balance, to be centered, despite what is going on around us. Meditating is a great way to build this emotion. I get glimpses of it the more I practice. xo

Originally Posted by jkb (Post 3803515)

I started an excellent book on mindfulness. It talks about meditation being a constant part of the day. Its by Burleson and it is a workbook. I really enjoy the exercises in it and I love the concept. It is a recovery based book: Reason, the Moment and Recovery is the title. Right now I can only focus on the RR book but, I keep it by my nightstand.

Originally Posted by bemyself (Post 3803757)

What an absolutely brilliant thread - thanks for starting it MTN.

And just reading through the last few posts (since yesterday over here in Aus), everything that people have said is timely for me.
As some of you may know, I'd been drinking every day (i.e. 'relapsed' in traditional parlance) for nearly two weeks. This morning, before turning on the computer, I said - and wrote in my journal, in CAPITALS (sort of shouting at 'It' :-)) - my Big Plan.

This was after ar*&sing about, to and from the fridge, wherein lay one and a bit bottles of wine left from yesterday evening. I mean, FFS, I'd driven drunk - again - to get them, having finished the rest of the previous day's wine.

And all of this, very much 'driven' by things like intense loneliness and boredom so eloquently described by MTN, soberlicious and others on this thread.

No more, baby, I'm DONE. You wanna bring it on, AV? I'm ready n waiting for ya, heheh. And - if my ailing computer holds up (need to buy a new one) - I'll be on these threads just to fortify my castle of True and Healthy Self.