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And the Big Plan is made...

Old 02-20-2013, 02:43 PM
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jkb, it's okay to feel depressed, irritable, annoyed, angry. Remember, these feelings are transitory. Will you feel better or worse tomorrow if you drink tonight? You know the answer.
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Old 02-20-2013, 02:49 PM
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Originally Posted by freshstart57 View Post
... it is perfectly fine and good to have all sorts of thoughts, some pleasant and happy while others are unpleasant and make me uncomfortable. These are not AV, these are just being alive and experiencing what life is offering. It is only when the Beast cuts in line, and tries to work these ideas into ideas of drinking that the alarm bells should start to go off.
This was me yesterday. I felt irritable and just downright yuck. I realised it was my 8th day sober and remembered I'd had a hard time on day 4 as well. Then I began to wonder if I had a four-day cycle of desire for alcohol. THEN ... the AV gave me its 2 cents: if I'm going to feel this way every fourth day I won't be able to hold out; why not just give in? It was so blatant, but it took me about half an hour to realise what was going on. My AV is a wanker. I'm feeling better so far this morning (it's nearly 10am here).
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Old 02-20-2013, 03:02 PM
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I am sick of having to think soo much about not doing it. I am annoyed. Thanks Fresh for the kind words and Kizzie you too. I guess in all reality I already know the choice is mine to make.
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Old 02-20-2013, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by jkb View Post
I am sick of having to think soo much about not doing it.
Well, then you are doing exactly the right thing, because the only way to leave behind the obsession is to push on through it. If you drank, would it end the Great Debate in your head? Of course not. Once we've made a big plan, drinking no longer represents relief, only regression. We'd still know we needed to stop, we'd still want to stop, so we'd still end up thinking about it all the time—to drink or not, over and over, day after day.

Yes, it's normal to still find yourself thinking about it all the time—but as long as you don't drink, it will begin to fade. I haven't had a drink in over two years, and the thought of drinking rarely enters my mind now. When it does occur, it's a curiosity more than an annoyance. Like, "There's that silly old AV again." And the thought is dismissed, just like that. Last week I spent a couple hours at a bar with a friend. The only time I recall thinking about booze was toward the end of the night, when I found myself wishing my buddy hadn't drank, because he was starting to ramble. The conversation became sort of tedious and predictable. Glad I never did that.

So yeah, today you might still be annoyed by AV—but today you are also one day closer to AV's final fade out. Congratulations—you're defeating addiction, and that's a pretty awesome thing to see. Thanks for sharing your journey, jkb.
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Old 02-20-2013, 10:51 PM
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The trapped rat allegory

I once caught a pesky rat in a squirrel cage trap and put the cage in a bin I had filled to the top with water to drown it. Unfortunately, the top of the cage just barely stuck out of the water and when the rat stuck its mouth up for air I had to poke it down with a stick. I recognized the mixed feelings I had as I drowned the rat, I had never done anything like that before or since. Squirrels and possums I had released far, far away, but not this pesky rat.

Caging the rat is like making a Big Plan, and watching and helping it die is like recognizing the AV. I wasn't worried it would get out and bother me any more.

If I were to say, I had made a big plan and was going to drink in two hours, it would be like saying I've caught the rat so it will never get out, and I'm trying to help it die quickly, but in two hours I'm going to let it out to pester me some more because I want to. That just doesn't make sense. IT wants to get out, but I don't want it to get out. I felt the sadness of death, but I had already decided it was not an emotion I would act upon.

When I realized I had caught it in the trap (made my Big Plan) I realized I did not have to be "annoyed" or "sick of thinking soo much about" catching it any more. After catching it (making my Big Plan) I actually felt a sense of relief and my goal changed to the much easier task of simply knowing I was never going to let it out alive. The AVRT equivalent would have been to let it simply starve to death; maybe go check it out in the cage trap occasionally to see how weak it was; not a real problem.
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Old 02-22-2013, 05:30 AM
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Made my big plan yesterday. Day 2, no physical discomfort. Too soon? Does every alkie suffer from physical withdrawal? Feels pretty good to say I'm never going to drink again. Said it to my wife last night.
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Old 02-22-2013, 05:47 AM
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Finished parts I & II of RR yesterday. Made my Big Plan. Wrote it down. I'm going to make a banner to put on the wall of my home office today. Been sober for 5 days but it seems like today is day 1 of the rest of my life. What a weight that has been lifted from my shoulders.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:00 AM
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I am sick of having to think soo much about not doing it.
Once it's done, it's done, there is no continual thinking about it.

Like R&A and GT pointed out, that part of you will begin to atrophy, like a muscle not being used. It will shrivel. For all intents and purposes, it will die.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:29 AM
  # 69 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by justme2013 View Post
Made my big plan yesterday. Day 2, no physical discomfort. Too soon? Does every alkie suffer from physical withdrawal? Feels pretty good to say I'm never going to drink again. Said it to my wife last night.
Not too soon. Never too soon. Not everyone suffers from physical withdrawal, but maintenance drinkers, especially, who have built up a huge tolerance should get some medical advice.

Congratulations.
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Old 02-22-2013, 04:01 PM
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Yes indeed GT - I am (currently) one such maintenance drinker. And at my age, 57, and given this is not my very first 'relapse' in recent years: I have booked myself into my previous rehab (hospital-based) - starting next Tues, for 7-10 days - precisely so I can be in a safe, medical environment for the first few days of physical withdrawals.

I think I mentioned a while back on one of the AVRT related threads that this aspect - the physical danger - is really the only aspect of RR which I, just in my opinion, believe Trimpey plays down a bit. Well, a lot, actually. In fact, in recent days, as I mucked about in my own head trying to work out practical ways I could quit drinking (again), I searched again through the RR book (The New Cure) on this topic. There is precious little. That's ok. But for some, it might give them the idea that, oh, once I've made my Big Plan, then days 1, 2, 3 etc will be fine. NOT.

I have no wish to get into disagreements again with you GT, but simply wish to put this aspect of things out there. Everyone is different, of course.

Kind regards
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Old 02-22-2013, 04:11 PM
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Detox and rehab are two different things. A 7-10 day stint would be more like a detox in my opinion. Fitting in what's generally prescribed in a traditional rehabilitation program would be tough in that amount of time.
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Old 02-22-2013, 04:22 PM
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You're quite correct Soberlicious. I should clarify: I simply can't afford more than this amount of time ($$ wise); it's a facility where I know the staff, and they know me, so we've negotiated by phone yesterday that I will 'do' this shorter period which for their legal and health fund reasons they have to call 'relapse prevention' NOT 'detox'. Splitting hairs? I don't care, at the moment, because I simply need the chance to get sober again, in a safe environment.

Once back home, I can resume all the tools I use - an eclectic mix of some AA, some outpatient support groups which the rehab facility runs, calling people a bit more than I usually do, seeing a counsellor to simply have someone objective to talk to about depression and so forth...oh, and did I mention, actually and actively practising AVRT?!

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack this thread, just wanted to clarify.
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Old 02-22-2013, 05:35 PM
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I personally think a medical detox is always a good idea. Better safe than sorry.
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Old 02-23-2013, 07:03 AM
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Yay on my thread being so busy while I was away. And I did not "relapse" because it was really not a choice. I kind-of knew that as I wrote but, IT REALLY WANTED A DRINK. GT I love that rat analogy. Soberlicious- I was acting like a baby for a minute there....lol. R&A- You have no idea how much you helped me the other day. I was sitting there really fighting with my beast. I mean we were in a serious wrestling match and I read your post and thought.."you know what I am one day closer". Thank You
I still definitely put myself through the hell of the wrestling matches once in a while and like you said bemyself the first few weeks for me have been tough... not gonna lie but, with a lot of SR and RR I feel a tiny bit stronger. Tomorrow I will be 3 weeks sober. Thanks to all of you for stepping in... onward I go....
Anyway, I am so happy for those of you Markinsf and justme2013 on making your big plans... you can hop on my thread anytime...Just happy your here.
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Old 02-24-2013, 08:33 AM
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I don't know the difference between a drinker and a maintenance drinker. Can someone enlighten me?

Jkb- glad you're back and still on track!
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Old 02-24-2013, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by justme2013 View Post
I don't know the difference between a drinker and a maintenance drinker. Can someone enlighten me?
A maintenance drinker is a person who has not had a zero blood alcohol level for a long time; in which case some organs can suffer a trauma when suddenly taken to zero blood alcohol level.
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Old 02-24-2013, 04:41 PM
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Originally Posted by GerandTwine View Post
A maintenance drinker is a person who has not had a zero blood alcohol level for a long time; in which case some organs can suffer a trauma when suddenly taken to zero blood alcohol level.
Thanks for the explanation. I'm glad I never got to that level, I was more along the lines of the binge drinker, I suppose. I'd drink most nights but not really during the day. Never a big fan of the breakfast drink.
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Old 02-24-2013, 10:24 PM
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Originally Posted by justme2013 View Post
Never a big fan of the breakfast drink.
Neither was I... until all of a sudden, I was. Amazing how easily and casually I slid into behaviors that were once unimaginable. Thank goodness I stopped before it got even worse, as I'm sure it would have.

jkb, fantastic to see you doing so well. It's a big struggle, but it can be done—and you are living proof of it. Keep it up; you're on a roll now!
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Old 02-25-2013, 01:43 AM
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Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble View Post
Neither was I... until all of a sudden, I was. Amazing how easily and casually I slid into behaviors that were once unimaginable. Thank goodness I stopped before it got even worse, as I'm sure it would have.
+1

Once my toleration grew to the point that I could pass out for 7 hours and still wake up smashed, starting the day with a hair of the dog became easier than I'd ever imagined.
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Old 02-25-2013, 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble View Post

jkb, fantastic to see you doing so well. It's a big struggle, but it can be done—and you are living proof of it. Keep it up; you're on a roll now!
Thanks R&A-
Thsi thread really helps and I am highly motivated. Plus, you guys are an amazing support. Jess
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