freshstart57

JKB, who wants this beer right now? You don't, you made that big plan, so it must be your AV that wants it. You are aware that this thought comes from your AV now, and that it has no control over you, you get to do whatever YOU want. You want the self respect and sense of achievement that comes with seeing this through.

Walk on by, do something else, and anticipate what you can have instead, things that will last you a lifetime. You recognize your AV clearly, so sit with it for a minute. It won't hurt even a little, and when it fades as it always will, you will still be in charge.

I remember that feeling of panic very clearly, and I was able to focus on my breath for a couple of minutes and it eased up pretty quickly. I bet you can do that too.

You can also tell yourself, out loud if necessary,'This must be that vertigo feeling'. Make that identification clearly. You can even smile at it too, out of pity, because that is all it can really do.

You got this one.

jkb

MTN and Freshstart...
Thank you both. I DONT WANT ANOTHER STUPID DAY ONE....EVER AGAIN. I am acting crazy. I am panicking which is not helping considering I have a genuine panic disorder. The only reason I am still here at work is to entertain the stupid beast. "Will I take the beer or wont I thinking....." I dont drink anymore....why would I take the beer? (me) Because its snowing and it will be hard to come back and get it later. (av). I should just go home. Thank you so much...I am not looking at that beer fridge anymore. Just going to go home and enjoy what is suppose to be my first sober weekend in forever. Maybe read some RR.
P.S. I see the av in the above post where I wrote "suppose to be"....lol..

MyTimeNow

Stupid day ones indeed. The roundabout that you can't get off.

You're off and I'm glad you're staying off jkb.

freshstart57

The language we use really sets out how we perceive things, I believe, and you picked up on the AV talk too.

Maybe try this - You are going to enjoy your first sober weekend, I am sure of it. What will happen? How do you see it happening? What things will you do that you haven't been able to do? Will you reward yourself? How will you be gentle with yourself?

Visualize what you want to happen, that's half the way there. You are doing great btw, jkb. This isn't an ending, but it is a beginning. A fresh start.

jkb

UuU TYou guys saved my a** today... no more day ones fresh I AM GOING to enjoy my weekend. No suppose to about it. Thanks will stay by my copy or RR and close to SR. I'm sure that my beast isn't done yet... thank u 4 being there

jkb

Thanks fresh... sorry about typos using my phone... first time I've ever not fought the beast and won. I am soooo happy not to be drunk right now

Lenina

Jkb,

for me, since I have made a Big Plan, the decision is done. I don't drink. For me this was a big relief and didn't fight the Beast anymore. I don't engage the AV. Acknowlege and move on! it's been very freeing for me.

Love from Lenina

freshstart57

It is soooooo done, it just doesn't know it yet. But you know it, you made a big plan. A Big Plan, even. You have decided that you are calling the shots this time. No Matter What.

For me, looking back, it was the fear beforehand that was hard. At the moment, at any moment during that time in question, it really wasn't hard at all. I knew I could stay sober for a moment, anyone can do that, right?

It was then that I started to learn about just focusing on the now, instead of working myself into a fully lathered panic beforehand about something that never really happened. I got the confidence thing going and adjusted my BP to say I will never now drink, and that was pretty easy from then on out.

Each time you succeed like this, it will become easier, you are building up your sober muscle!

Garen

Me and my av are not speaking right now. I told it that it is not to discuss alcohol with me at all, period. Thoughts of alcohol are no longer allowed in my brain. It got all mad and I haven't heard from it for a day or two. Haven't had a craving since then, hopefully it keeps up

Cleopatra1

hi jkb,,ive not posted here,,but just read thru all of them,,
i hope you are well today,,i know how hard this can be, but you are strong, just remember that.
good luck and keep us in the know of how u are hunny,,big hugs
lv cleo xxxxxx

soberlicious

I love this...it's pouting haha! Too bad for it.

I know it's more comfortable if it stays away, but even if it doesn't, no worries. You know what to do. Or rather what not to do.

jkb

Thank you to you all. Its my "Monday"... know what that means... I had a wonderful sober weekend. All of you offer such inspiration. I definitely should not be "fighting" the beast. That makes it way too hard. I have made other plans for my evening. I love all the free time on my hands. Never realized how much time drinking and recovering from drinking took. Ever since I said "no" to my beast a few days ago... it did shut up. It was a non-issue. Very happy about that. This feels a lot less impossible now.

Cleopatra1

gald to read all is good with u jkb,, it is amazing how much u can get done innit???
keep up the fab work hun xx
lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxx

jkb

Cleo,
Thank you sooo much. It is amazing how much time I now have. Yay.... Hope you are doing great.... Much love and happiness sent your way and to everyone who helped me "really think about my thinking"... I am more grateful than you know. I feel like I have a new lease on life so to speak.

soberlicious

Yes! What a great feeling to have your life back, to not be a puppet on the strings of addiction.

jkb

Soberlicious-
The crazy thing is I feel really good. Then part of me is terrified that the AV will come back stronger than ever and I just wont be able to do anything about it. Dont know what is making me feel so insecure. jkb

Nonsensical

Prolonged success against my AV is unfamiliar territory for me. I really feel like I have a handle on it this time, but I am in uncharted waters. It's a bit nerve-wracking.

jkb

Righ...., I am glad you feel it too.... well, not really because it sucks but, I am glad I am not alone...lol

freshstart57

I came to this point, maybe we all do, and moved through it. I think it happened after I passed through a bunch of situations that gave the beast a lot of material to work with. It was a family wedding, a backwoods fishing trip, a New Years' Eve party - each of these successes let me grow in confidence.

Now I understand that there is no fear for me anymore. Since nothing happens and there is no consequence from these thoughts, from this beast activity, there is nothing to be afraid of. I have my Big Plan, and my awareness of the present moment. Dread of beast activity in the future is... (can we have a drum roll please?)...Addictive Voice. It is doubt in myself.

So, add this to your repertoire of tell tale signs of beast - being afraid of a beast attack in the future is really a beast attack in the present moment, and we know how to deal with those, right? Just state your Big Plan and bob's yer uncle. Beauty, eh?

soberlicious

This is exactly what I was going to say...and I love the added drum roll.

Your AV likes to use your past against you. Creating doubt...
"you've always given in, you will next time too"
"The desire is just too strong"
"You don't really have a handle on this, you just think you do"

Anything along those lines...even if not "verbalized", but just that sniggly doubtful feeling is AV bullsh*t. Total crap, don't buy it. You can do this.