jkb

YOUR IN MY HEAD That is how I feel. But as of today I have more time sober than I did before I relapsed so that is great... Early sobriety + lack of cigarettes = MOODY.

Thanks (((Fini)))

fini

nah, almost hate to tell you this: what you're feeling is just "normal".
and i say that because i've been talking with people for years, and almost everyone says they feel that way for a while.

how's that? you're booooringly normal in your early sobriety!!!

this, i found, was very re-assuring.
hope it works for you that way, too

you people with changing avatars keep throwing me for loops! just when i get used to who's who, "you" disappear and a new one shows up. disconcerting how i connect avatars with people now....but great how the picture of "who" people are changes with the changing expression you choose!

lovetosail

Hi jkb- What is your avatar anyway? Makes me smile everytime I read your thread.

freshstart57

I think that's one fluffy ferret.

Nonsensical

That's a Beast, trying to look cute and friendly. Tricky little devils!

soberlicious

I'm not sure it's succeeding. No offense to jkb's ferret.

jkb

And the winner is ....freshstart. It is a picture of a ferret that someone sold as a poodle. I wish I knew how to post links but, there was a news story about how the guy who bought it thought it was a poodle until he took it to the vet. Anyway, it just made me laugh mostly because I have a ferret at home and if the looks didn't cue the guy off that it wasnt a dog then the behavior would have. :rotfxko If you want a laugh just google "ferret sold as poodle"

So, fini I am not 100% unique in everything You are destroying my illusions one by one....lol. Yeah, I guess your right.

Non and Sober-
You are 100% right. I look at my ferret and think "oh how cute he is" reach down to pet him and "BITE"... beast in disguise for sure but as you said SL he is not as well disguised as he thinks..... just like my beast.
Jess

jkb

So, I had to go to a work party last night. LOTS of drinking... by the time I left I was so irritated that I didn't get to drink "just one or two". I mean I know I cant have "just one or two" but, IT SUCKED!!!!!

My beast has been mostly quiet for 6 weeks now and even last night I did not actually think of having a drink I only thought of how unfair it was that I "could not drink like normal people". Not to mention that NO ONE knows I have quit drinking so it was constant "come on... shots" or "whats wrong with you that youre not drinking". I wanted to scream..."It is none of your f***ing buisness now leave me alone to be absolutely miserable and hate my stupid sober life".

And that was my first experience attending a party while sober. Maybe I should crawl in a closet and never go out again.

Received

This is so weird. I had a dream about you last night. I knew it was you because that dang jacked up on steroids ferret picture you have kept popping up. I can't remember much of the dream but what I do remember is thinking, in my dream, I have to check and see how she's doing. I also think a bunch of us were posting really fast, like in chat, and every time you would post your fluffy ferret picture popped out.

Anyway, hopefully one of the AV translators or AV police will be by shortly to help you through this as I am still yet a fledgling.

Glad you didn't drink. Really glad.

Nonsensical

That's low hanging fruit for the AV pronoun police, don't you think?

Aside from that, if you had given in and had a few, do you think your irritation this morning would have been greater or less than the irritation you were having last night?

soberlicious

Your beast is using your pronouns like playthings.

GerandTwine

If you have a Big Plan, or even if you just believe drinking any more is wrong for you, then what I cut out of your post is not you. It's all your Beast's AV howling and barking and scratching away at the corner of the door to be let out of the dark dingy basement.

I'm curious. Was there ANYTHING positive about last night?

jkb

Recieved... u crack me up... Glad you worry about me though...lol
Non and Sober,
I could see the AV as I wrote the post but, to be honest I just needed to tell SOMEONE the insanity of my evening. I definitely would have been more upset with myself if I had drank but, like I said I knew that was not an option.

The only way I could describe it is like running into your ex. You kind-of miss them and they aren't "so hot" that you just MUST have them back however, it does make you remember... Idk. I am insane and that probably doesnt make sense.

GT- You are the best at calling me out on my extreme major over reactions. The food was amazing at the party. lol

ToddE1

All the firsts (wedding, work party, etc.) are usually a challenge. It does get easier as you keep going along. It takes a while to get comfortable in your own skin again. I think that is what a lot of this is really about. Great job on getting through that and surviving. Sounds like you're bouncing back a bit already.

SoberKnitter

AV police fixed it for ya.

fini

was there anything else positive about the party other than the food?

yes, yes there was: you made it!

no, of course you shouldn't crawl in a corner; you didn't stop drinking so you could exist in corners.
but: it is smart to pick the events you are fairly confident about, make plans for how to handle comments, have the means of an exit, and then go.
just as it's smart to omit the events you're feeling really wobbly about going to.
with more time,i got more confident at knowing what to omit, and omitted less and less.

part of this seems to be much like exercising a muscle.

jkb

I have been thinking lots about all my cyber-friends... soberlicous, fini, recieved, non, GT... well all of you. I have been sober 8 weeks. I quit fighting with my beast after my last drunk. That has truly been freeing. Sure I have thoughts about drinking as you all know (lol) but, they are fleeting now. Most days I just live my life and it doesnt really cross my mind.

Last night I finished RR up to the part where he gets into politcs and treatment. I may hold off on reading that part right away. I will just read it here and there. Anyway, I noticed he talks alot about acceptance of self. In no way is unconditional acceptance of self needed for sobriety but, it sure sounds nice. Maybe after I finish the other 2 self help books I am currently reading I will grab a book about it...lol. Some of us need more help than others right.

Anyway, life is falling into place. Sobriety helps with that. I have to stay dilligent about my thinking and I do get that. In fact that is what this thread is for. After all I dont want to end up "celebrating" two months sober like I did the first time around with 1 month sober...... to you all for being there. Jess

neferkamichael

Jkb, sober 8 weeks? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations.

soberlicious

I am so happy for you that you are free. xo

Received

*sniff* *sniff* I'm so happy for you and I agree with fluff, I'm so happy you are free.