i drank tonight hi guys,, as much as i think i was doing so well,, well i aint, cos i fuckd up tonite, i had some drink and i dunno why? i just did it, i thought im bored i spose, im fed up,, wtf? i feel ashamed, degraded my family and myself, and i have no reason to even have taken that first sip,, i just did. im not drunk,, but i am aware that im not sober,, and im ashamed ,, ive let you all down, myself the most ,, me being all cocky an that,, lol lol lol ,, me ,,lol im sorry and i am well pissed cos im nearly to my 3 month mark,, which is the most ive ever done in 10 yrs of drinking,, and previous to that stuck on class a's,,,, wow what a gal huh???? im sorry ,, im just so sorry,,, lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx darn it ,, just ****** darn it x |
Dear Cleo, I am sorry that you are upset. Why not forgive yourself, and carry on with sobriety? That is what recovery is all about as far as I can tell. Do this now before you wander too far off of your course. Best, EQ. |
Cleo ....stop. You have not let anyone down, especially not us. Never, ever think that. You have done 3 months. That does not disappear over night mate. You know what triggered it, so you can be more aware. Boredom can be fatal. Try get some sleep chick. Tomorrow is a new day and it can be a new sober day! Please don't give up. Please keep coming here. I would miss you if you went xxxX |
And, because I forgot. You have not been cocky, you have become a well loved and well appreciated member of SR who has brightened many a day, provided hope and strength and plenty of laughs along the way too. xxxx |
ty gals,, i will, and i am,,, i am gonna start again tommorow,, ive learnt a big lesson tonite,,, be less cocky ,, and more focussed, im gonna need a good sleep , and well i didnt drink v much , but enough to make me feel this way,, even one sip is too much hey?? oh well,, like u said tomorow,, is a new day, and i plan to use it well, and i know i will not drink, defo xx lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
Cleo I don't think you owe a bunch of random internet people anything. Yourself, on the other hand, you owe all you can find within yourself to be. You said, I will start again tomorrow. I think you should turn that around, and say that you have stopped right now. You can make that commitment, Cleo, you know which one. Best to you. |
You haven't let anybody down and no sense in beating yourself up about it. It's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times do you get back up! So keep trying. If you really want it, you can have it. When I quit smoking I kept trying to quit until I finally did it... cuz I knew smoking was a stupid habit. The same with the drink. I must have quit a dozen or more times before it finally worked. |
If this recovery thing was easy Cleo there'd be no need for SR. There's absolutely nothing to be gained by beating yourself up. Use this as a lesson, tweak your personal programme a little, and get back on the horse and yee haw loudly... :) D |
This is a process. I know that for me to move forward at one point, I had to take a step back...just to reinforce my commitment. I had a few drinks one night...right at about 3 months...just like you. It wasn't fun. I didn't like it. I knew it was the wrong path. And then it was that much easier for me to go forward with sobriety. That was about 17 months ago. This could be a watershed moment for you too. |
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start afresh. Forget yesterday but learn by the mistake. I drank nye and am starting again with the knowledge that I never want that again. |
((Cleopatra)) No worries. Almost three months is good, you know, and you say its the best you've done in 10 years, so think on that and please try to feel better. None of us are perfect whatsoever, so give yourself a well-needed break. Its never about how many times we find ourselves hurting again, its always more about how times we stand up and count ourselves back into the game! Forget about failures as being negative and useless experiences. Without failures we would never have any progress! You can turn all this around! I believe in YOU!! :ghug3 |
hey guys,, well woke up at 8am,,the flush came right over me,,"oh god , yep i know wot i did last nite",, and i felt crappy. but,, cos i didnt drink much,, i dont feel ill,, so,, im on it today,, gonna dust meself off,, and get on with it again. thank you all for yr lovely msges of support and wisdom,, you are a fab bunch xxx today , im gonna drink lots of juice and eat my porridge like a good gal,, and get on with my plan,, my BIG plan x love u all to bits ,, cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :ghug3 |
Cleopatra, I just started a thread about Day 1; I am not blotto either but full of remorse, guilt, etc. Not too much good about, but I am trying to focus on that and not on the negatives. |
Cleo, ditto what others have said. You are strong. Insightful. A wonderful member of this community. You slipped. Recognize it as a misstep, and get back on that horse and ride off into the sunset for another three months! Enjoy your Sunday friend. You can do this. I have faith in you. |
wow,, i had a lovely day yesterday,,, have no bad thoughts today either bout sat nite, i just re read this post and all yr replies,, it helped me immensley to re evaluate how i was and well,,, i just feel stronger now. thank you all,, i chatted to my hubby, he didnt even know i had it in the house,, i hid it, but told him bout it, he mustve known,, i just thought he didnt,, haha silly me xx amazing how i quickly went back into the "alkie" mode again, v v scary,, you know , hiding the bottle,, not thinking he knew,, gee wot a new wake up call for me, i was silly to think he didnt know,, after 10 yrs of practise,, lol so,, monday ,, im still here , still me,, and its my birthday tomorw,, gonna look forward to a new yr older, a new yr wiser,, a new yr cleaner. just a bumma i'll be a new yr older lol so,, thanks again for all of yr lvly msges,, it really really did help, and you are a bunch of lovies xx cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ps,,, feel free to send presents,, lol,, address is ,,,, 39 sober road,, uk xxxxx |
Cleo, the one thing that sticks out to me is that not once did you say "Well, I screwed up. Might as well throw in the towel". NOT ONCE. Instead, I read the words of someone who said, "Okay, this happened. It wasn't the best choice. So I'm going back to doing what I know works" I read the words of someone with determination to keep moving forward. For me, sobriety is like so many things. I remember when I wanted to lose weight. I committed to healthy eating and a good workout program. I followed it really well but sometimes, I skipped a workout, ate a doughnut, etc. But then I'd stop and reevaluate. If I continued skipping workouts, eating doughnuts, I'd be stuck in a place where I was beyond miserable. But if I dusted myself off and stayed committed to my plan, I'd reach a place of better health, more fitness and a sense of pride of reaching my goals. You had a moment of giving in to that thorn in your side. Those stupid thorns we all have. But I for one feel grateful for the thorn because when I move forward in spite of it, it creates a sense of pride in myself unlike anything else. I'm rambling I think...lol. But you are an amazing woman I have enjoyed getting to know and you know what to do to be where you want. So keep doing it :) |
Much Love to you Cleo! Ive been there....dont be so hard on yourself. Carry on with your sobriety all all will be well :) PM if you wish my dear friend :) ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) |
well,, i am here and im feeling more empowered than ever, ty guys for yr support and kind/wise words. i posted a thread "just sharing",, and i feel it got taken wrongly,, im not good at writing the words/feelings that are in my head/heart,, so maybe im just paranoid, but i dodnt feel i was "got" at all,, some thought i was cocky, indeed even showing off,, some thought i was deliberately "testing" myself, and that is not good advice to give to newcomers to recovery!! i was testing myself in a spiritual way, didnt know it at the time,, but it came across wrongly,, and it pissed me off, that peeps didnt "get " where i was coming from,, but heyhoo,,no matter, i dont let it get to me,,too much lol so,, that lil slip up, i feel did me tyhe world of good, i feel even more determind to keep my big plan and love every minute of my sober life xx i have noticed a helluva lot of peeps not here anymore,, gee i hope they are well, and i miss them,, but i have too made some fab new friends here,, you all know who u are ,,lovies, and i love sr,, the sheer diversity of this site,, its fab, xx so,, feeling great today,, gonna keep on keeping on . lv cleo xxxxxxxxx |
Hi Cleopatra, I think you made it plenty clear you're not advocating having a drink to test yourself, you know, in any of your recent threads. From what i can see, no one accused you of advocating drink. I think folks just cautioned everyone that such testing dosen't work out well for anybody most times... Forget about it, you know? :) What's important is you're off the drink now, and you've learned your past drinking didn't do anything for your boredom issues. So next time your feeling bored, drinking won't be on the menu! Way cool! :) :ghug3 |
yeh thanks robby,, i did look into it way too much,, i think i have been a bit paranoid lately here,, maybe im going thru "my sensitive phase" ,,lol,,and i know that it shoudnt get to me, im just a mere woman tho,,LOL so,,im right back on my horse,,riding high at the mo, and feeling fabalicious,,got my daughters birthday to plan this wk,,and im loving every step i go thru ,SOBER,its well cool. ty guys for a fab response,,i sure do lv ya all xx lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx |
Ten years drinking and you manage to make it nearly 3 full months sober, that is amazing in my book. You should concentrate on that success and build on it. Really focus on that success and realise you can do it again, aim to get back to that stage and improve. You can do it and the vast majority of people here are so fantastic and supportive they realy can help. Best of luck :) |
Never give up, the pain and shame will fade with time. At SMART we try to identify and dispute harmful irrational beliefs. In my past relapses, the most destructive belief has been that after having one night of drinking, I needed to go on a full-on bender. And don't stress too much about the day/ month / year count. Yes sober time is the goal, but you don't lose that time you had or what you learned if you can pick back up. |
Good to see you back, Cleopatra. :) Stumbling is only a bad thing if you don't pick yourself back up. Nobody dances their way to the top of Everest. Even if it's two steps forward, one step back, it still adds up to forward progress. :) I have some friends who are research engineers, people who are working on technology that's pushing the frontiers of science. They look at failure as proof of effort. You can't fail if you don't try. And if you don't fail at first, well, whatever you're attempting must not be very difficult. On the wall of their lab, I saw a quote about failure from the inventor Thomas Edison. I looked it up online later, and it turned out Edison had a lot to say on the subject: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." "I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward." "Nearly every man who develops an idea works at it up to the point where it looks impossible, and then gets discouraged. That's not the place to become discouraged." "Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." :) |
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