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Cleopatra1 01-19-2013 03:08 PM

i drank tonight
hi guys,, as much as i think i was doing so well,, well i aint, cos i fuckd up tonite, i had some drink and i dunno why?
i just did it, i thought im bored i spose, im fed up,, wtf?
i feel ashamed, degraded my family and myself, and i have no reason to even have taken that first sip,, i just did.
im not drunk,, but i am aware that im not sober,, and im ashamed ,, ive let you all down, myself the most ,, me being all cocky an that,, lol
lol lol ,, me ,,lol
im sorry and i am well pissed cos im nearly to my 3 month mark,, which is the most ive ever done in 10 yrs of drinking,, and previous to that stuck on class a's,,,, wow what a gal huh????
im sorry ,, im just so sorry,,,
lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
darn it ,, just ****** darn it x

EternalQ 01-19-2013 03:13 PM

Dear Cleo,
I am sorry that you are upset.
Why not forgive yourself, and carry on with sobriety?
That is what recovery is all about as far as I can tell.
Do this now before you wander too far off of your course.
Best, EQ.

Sasha4 01-19-2013 03:21 PM

Cleo ....stop. You have not let anyone down, especially not us.
Never, ever think that.

You have done 3 months.
That does not disappear over night mate.

You know what triggered it, so you can be more aware.
Boredom can be fatal.

Try get some sleep chick.
Tomorrow is a new day and it can be a new sober day!

Please don't give up.
Please keep coming here.
I would miss you if you went


Sasha4 01-19-2013 03:24 PM

And, because I forgot.

You have not been cocky, you have become a well loved and well appreciated member of SR who has brightened many a day, provided hope and strength and plenty of laughs along the way too.


Cleopatra1 01-19-2013 03:27 PM

ty gals,, i will, and i am,,, i am gonna start again tommorow,, ive learnt a big lesson tonite,,, be less cocky ,, and more focussed,
im gonna need a good sleep , and well i didnt drink v much , but enough to make me feel this way,, even one sip is too much hey??
oh well,, like u said tomorow,, is a new day, and i plan to use it well, and i know i will not drink, defo xx
lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

freshstart57 01-19-2013 05:28 PM

Cleo I don't think you owe a bunch of random internet people anything. Yourself, on the other hand, you owe all you can find within yourself to be.

You said, I will start again tomorrow. I think you should turn that around, and say that you have stopped right now. You can make that commitment, Cleo, you know which one.

Best to you.

Fastenbulbus 01-19-2013 07:08 PM

You haven't let anybody down and no sense in beating yourself up about it. It's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times do you get back up!

So keep trying. If you really want it, you can have it.

When I quit smoking I kept trying to quit until I finally did it... cuz I knew smoking was a stupid habit. The same with the drink. I must have quit a dozen or more times before it finally worked.

Dee74 01-19-2013 07:34 PM

If this recovery thing was easy Cleo there'd be no need for SR.

There's absolutely nothing to be gained by beating yourself up.

Use this as a lesson, tweak your personal programme a little, and get back on the horse and yee haw loudly... :)


Tippingpoint 01-19-2013 07:53 PM

This is a process. I know that for me to move forward at one point, I had to take a step back...just to reinforce my commitment.

I had a few drinks one night...right at about 3 months...just like you.

It wasn't fun. I didn't like it. I knew it was the wrong path.

And then it was that much easier for me to go forward with sobriety. That was about 17 months ago.

This could be a watershed moment for you too.

lillyknitting 01-19-2013 08:11 PM

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start afresh. Forget yesterday but learn by the mistake. I drank nye and am starting again with the knowledge that I never want that again.

RobbyRobot 01-19-2013 09:34 PM


No worries. Almost three months is good, you know, and you say its the best you've done in 10 years, so think on that and please try to feel better. None of us are perfect whatsoever, so give yourself a well-needed break. Its never about how many times we find ourselves hurting again, its always more about how times we stand up and count ourselves back into the game!

Forget about failures as being negative and useless experiences. Without failures we would never have any progress! You can turn all this around!

I believe in YOU!!


Cleopatra1 01-20-2013 03:52 AM

hey guys,, well woke up at 8am,,the flush came right over me,,"oh god , yep i know wot i did last nite",, and i felt crappy.
but,, cos i didnt drink much,, i dont feel ill,, so,, im on it today,, gonna dust meself off,, and get on with it again.
thank you all for yr lovely msges of support and wisdom,, you are a fab bunch xxx
today , im gonna drink lots of juice and eat my porridge like a good gal,, and get on with my plan,, my BIG plan x
love u all to bits ,,
cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pamel 01-20-2013 04:00 AM

Cleopatra, I just started a thread about Day 1; I am not blotto either but full of remorse, guilt, etc. Not too much good about, but I am trying to focus on that and not on the negatives.

Change4good 01-20-2013 04:15 AM

Cleo, ditto what others have said. You are strong. Insightful. A wonderful member of this community.

You slipped. Recognize it as a misstep, and get back on that horse and ride off into the sunset for another three months!

Enjoy your Sunday friend. You can do this. I have faith in you.

Cleopatra1 01-21-2013 04:33 AM

wow,, i had a lovely day yesterday,,, have no bad thoughts today either bout sat nite, i just re read this post and all yr replies,, it helped me immensley to re evaluate how i was and well,,, i just feel stronger now.
thank you all,, i chatted to my hubby, he didnt even know i had it in the house,, i hid it, but told him bout it, he mustve known,, i just thought he didnt,, haha silly me xx
amazing how i quickly went back into the "alkie" mode again, v v scary,, you know , hiding the bottle,, not thinking he knew,, gee wot a new wake up call for me, i was silly to think he didnt know,, after 10 yrs of practise,, lol
so,, monday ,, im still here , still me,, and its my birthday tomorw,, gonna look forward to a new yr older, a new yr wiser,, a new yr cleaner.
just a bumma i'll be a new yr older lol
so,, thanks again for all of yr lvly msges,, it really really did help, and you are a bunch of lovies xx
cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps,,, feel free to send presents,, lol,, address is ,,,, 39 sober road,, uk xxxxx

MissyShelle76 01-27-2013 08:10 AM

Cleo, the one thing that sticks out to me is that not once did you say "Well, I screwed up. Might as well throw in the towel". NOT ONCE. Instead, I read the words of someone who said, "Okay, this happened. It wasn't the best choice. So I'm going back to doing what I know works" I read the words of someone with determination to keep moving forward.

For me, sobriety is like so many things. I remember when I wanted to lose weight. I committed to healthy eating and a good workout program. I followed it really well but sometimes, I skipped a workout, ate a doughnut, etc. But then I'd stop and reevaluate. If I continued skipping workouts, eating doughnuts, I'd be stuck in a place where I was beyond miserable. But if I dusted myself off and stayed committed to my plan, I'd reach a place of better health, more fitness and a sense of pride of reaching my goals.

You had a moment of giving in to that thorn in your side. Those stupid thorns we all have. But I for one feel grateful for the thorn because when I move forward in spite of it, it creates a sense of pride in myself unlike anything else.

I'm rambling I But you are an amazing woman I have enjoyed getting to know and you know what to do to be where you want. So keep doing it :)

Windancer 01-27-2013 08:25 AM

Much Love to you Cleo!
Ive been there....dont be so hard on yourself. Carry on with your sobriety all all will be well :)

PM if you wish my dear friend :)

Cleopatra1 01-30-2013 04:23 AM

well,, i am here and im feeling more empowered than ever, ty guys for yr support and kind/wise words.
i posted a thread "just sharing",, and i feel it got taken wrongly,, im not good at writing the words/feelings that are in my head/heart,, so maybe im just paranoid, but i dodnt feel i was "got" at all,, some thought i was cocky, indeed even showing off,, some thought i was deliberately "testing" myself, and that is not good advice to give to newcomers to recovery!!
i was testing myself in a spiritual way, didnt know it at the time,, but it came across wrongly,, and it pissed me off, that peeps didnt "get " where i was coming from,, but heyhoo,,no matter, i dont let it get to me,,too much lol
so,, that lil slip up, i feel did me tyhe world of good, i feel even more determind to keep my big plan and love every minute of my sober life xx
i have noticed a helluva lot of peeps not here anymore,, gee i hope they are well, and i miss them,, but i have too made some fab new friends here,, you all know who u are ,,lovies, and i love sr,, the sheer diversity of this site,, its fab, xx
so,, feeling great today,, gonna keep on keeping on .
lv cleo xxxxxxxxx

RobbyRobot 01-30-2013 07:58 AM

Hi Cleopatra,

I think you made it plenty clear you're not advocating having a drink to test yourself, you know, in any of your recent threads. From what i can see, no one accused you of advocating drink. I think folks just cautioned everyone that such testing dosen't work out well for anybody most times...

Forget about it, you know? :)

What's important is you're off the drink now, and you've learned your past drinking didn't do anything for your boredom issues. So next time your feeling bored, drinking won't be on the menu! Way cool! :)


Cleopatra1 01-31-2013 04:36 AM

yeh thanks robby,, i did look into it way too much,, i think i have been a bit paranoid lately here,, maybe im going thru "my sensitive phase" ,,lol,,and i know that it shoudnt get to me, im just a mere woman tho,,LOL
so,,im right back on my horse,,riding high at the mo, and feeling fabalicious,,got my daughters birthday to plan this wk,,and im loving every step i go thru ,SOBER,its well cool.
ty guys for a fab response,,i sure do lv ya all xx
lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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