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Interested in Learning MORE..... can you help?

Old 01-07-2013, 02:00 PM
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Interested in Learning MORE..... can you help?

Hello Everyone. I was hoping you could help me with some information.

Short background. My boyfriend uses cocaine. He is I guess what they call functional user. He maintains a very normal life, he is a college graduate, has a good job, and is also working on advanced degree. None of his friends know he uses. His parents do know, and despite this they are what you call financial enablers to him. Our relationship is actually good, and I really have no complaints with him. He treats me good, and he isnt showing typical addict behaviors that drive family and friends away.

I dont like the fact that he uses because I think it is dangerous, but it is a decision he has to make for himself - to use, or to stop. So I dont badger him about it.

A few weeks ago, he told me that he had decided to stop and had been trying, but he was getting depressed and anxious without the drug and he couldnt function normally. So he started using again.

Since then, he has been on this phase of research. he started this all on his own, which I think is a good sign . He often asks me to read things, will talk about things he has read, and he asks for my opinion.
A couple weeks ago he even decided he wanted to see what the meetings were all about CA/NA. so he asked me if I would go with him. He has a horrible fear about his privacy. It is somewhat justified given his career. He is afraid someone at a meeting will recognize him, or tell someone they saw him there, etc. This affects his whole mentality of treatment actually. The meeting and that structure he didnt seem to take to, the philosophy and the whole bit. It doesnt sound like your supposed to get into that topic here so I wont except to say that he feels he needs to be in control of his future, and he doesnt want whatever treatment he chooses to become part of his social life.

I have been doing some reading and gathering of information since he started this, and he knows this and is happy Im helping him.

He seems to be leaning towards private counseling to try to help him really figure out why he started in the first place.

He also has interest in self help, AVRT, someone told me about Smart and I read some on their website.

I was wondering if any of you, work dual programs like with a doctor, and combine it with AVRT or the like? And how does that work? Do you have trouble finding a doctor that understands these methods?

Also, cant find a lot on AVRT, but I did find things on the smart website and ordered a manual, and they have one for family too so I ordered that. Does AVRT have something similiar, or can you recommend books that he might find of help.

And one last thing, can you tell me from choosing your program what you feel the benefits are to you. Not comparing against another program, but just you gain from it psychologically, emotionally beyond helping you learn to control, overcome your addictions.

Thanks for reading this, and in advance for anyone who takes the time to reply.
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:46 PM
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AVRT is outlined in Rational Recovery:The New Cure for Substance Addiction by Jack Trimpey. Rational Recovery also has a website.

Also, there are 5 threads on AVRT here in the secular connections forum. He should start with the first one and read through them all. There is a lot of good information there.

Best to you both.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:11 PM
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thanks. I will print off the threads for him. I have showed him the site but I dont really want him to read some of the replies I got on the family forum because I think it might just make him feel bad due to their opinions of him. and I will give him the name of the book too. thanks.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:18 PM
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I understand. Be advised that there are close to 500 posts in each of the threads. It's alot. It's excellent discussion and reading.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
I understand. Be advised that there are close to 500 posts in each of the threads. It's alot. It's excellent discussion and reading.
wow thanks for that tip. I may have to go to plan B, maybe cut and paste into an online document and he can read it that way.
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Old 01-07-2013, 04:37 PM
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I was pretty good at self censoring the material I would read about addiction, in fact, I purposely avoided most of it for years. I don't think you need to worry about things that your bf might read, for me it was the things I didn't read that were the problem.

There are excellent forums of all sorts here, including this one, the newcomers', and the substance abuse forums have great stuff in them. Keep in mind thought that they (with the exception of this one of course) have posts with a range of usefulness. Caveat emptor.
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