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Diary of a Ninja

Old 01-24-2013, 10:39 AM
  # 81 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ARTEMIS View Post
Hey Zee!!

That is so funny because my good friend Heathersweed calls me Artypants!!
Have a good night!
I've been in the chat room... your name is Artypants to chatterboxes x
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Old 01-24-2013, 05:53 PM
  # 82 (permalink)  
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Hello all-

Not much new and exicting here in camp. Still very, very cold. I took the dog out to throw ball today but only lasted about 15 minutes. The ball was all ice but she wanted to keep going.
Checked on my Aunt and did some errands. My Aunt looked better for the first time today. Her color was better.

Take care,
Art
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Old 01-27-2013, 01:04 AM
  # 83 (permalink)  
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Its 2:45am....
My dog woke me up barking ....which is so out of the norm it doesn't make me upset with her....it scared me and now I am up. I have a hearing impairment so I really rely on her at night. Of course, being a dog it could be a stray animal she is growling at. Monster squirrel!!!!
We have had a string of burglaries and a group of teenagers decided to shoot windows out of more than 80 cars with their pellet guns.....at 3 or 4 in the morning. The police caught them yesterday but it is so out of the norm for the dog to bark and growl in the middle of the night that I'm unsettled and now up. Hot chocolate anyone?

Today-well yesterday I guess- was a good day. It is still very cold out here but I bundled up like the Stay Puff Marshmallow man and took the dog for a walk at the Golf Course.
I can't remember the movie but there is one where the mother bundles the kid up so much he cant move and then he has to go to the bathroom. Christmas Story maybe? That is what I looked like.

Shelby once again loved the snow and one time came up from rolling in it looking much like Santa Claus. That was truly a laugh out loud moment. She makes dog snow angels.

Then I took my Aunt to lunch and to do errands for her. Great lunch for a cold day- grilled cheese and tomato soup. Perfect.
It was good to get her out of the house. She is still in a lot of pain but she is trying. We had a nice lunch and then I did some grocery shopping, gas getting, medicine pick up, etc. She stayed in the car except for lunch but it did her good to get out.

Not much else going on......I've decided I have to do something exciting today so I have something to write about.

Take care everyone,
Art
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Old 01-27-2013, 05:36 PM
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Yes art! Christmas story.


So good to hear from you hope ya got some rest! Hugs.
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Old 01-27-2013, 07:43 PM
  # 85 (permalink)  
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Hey Stepping!!! Good to see you!! :ghug3

I booked a flight to Tahiti!!!!!!!!!!
Not really but I promised something exciting and that sounded exciting to me.

In reality it was a great day. I took the dog for a walk at the golf course. It was warmer today but seemed colder to me. You know how you get chilled and can't get warm? I was like that for a few hours after.
Fortunately I went to my Mom's for coffee after my walk and she keeps her house nice and toasty. We had coffee and it was just nice to spend some uninterrupted time with my Mom. She is still recovering from the flu so she was sacked out on the couch.... I guess I as write this that was the difference. Normally when I visit she won't sit still.
Then I checked on my Aunt and did some errands for myself. I feel like I should take out stock at Kmart but I forgot cat food the other day. So while it wasn't Tahiti I did score some really good deals on some marked down expensive lipstick.
AND.....drum roll.....I did my nails when I got home.
Being sober I have time and energy to do these girly things again: to want to take better care of myself.
Then I treated myself to some clam chowder. Perfect dinner on this cold night.

My cat is curled up in my lap as I write this. I was reading a thread earlier about the little things we notice when we are sober. A cat puring in your lap might be little but it brings me immense joy. Makes me feel content and like a good mom.

Have a good night!!!!

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Old 01-27-2013, 08:59 PM
  # 86 (permalink)  
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NinjaGodddess, FANTASTIC.
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Old 01-27-2013, 09:13 PM
  # 87 (permalink)  
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Oh, wow! What a wonderful gem your ninja diary is, Art! Thank you for sharing like this.

Originally Posted by ARTEMIS View Post
I recently started working with a therapist who said something that hit home. All these years I have wanted the depression to go away. She said it might not. You have to have tools for the times it does not. That seems like a simple statement but it knocked me over. I have always felt I could "think my way out of it". Would I expect someone else to do it? Of course not. But I thought I was "Terminally Unique" in that area.
I recently started working through a book that might help you further develop an entire toolkit of depression coping/busting strategies. It is long, but it has really been an eye-opener for me. The book is called Feeling Good by David D. Burns and focuses on cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm on the chapter about learning to handle criticism from others. Wish I'd known about this book years ago!

Originally Posted by ARTEMIS View Post
Then I got angry, really REALLY angry at my AV.
I said "Are you KIDDING me???? What the hell is wrong with YOU???? YOU go crawl in a bottle of wine!!! "

This was huge for me. It was the first time I have truly been able to separate. I have always thought all my thoughts are me and I was less of a person or lacking in character for having them.
To be able to yell at this voice, to separate felt good. It felt freeing.
I said to it " go do what you want you, MORON, I am going to deal with it differently".
This was so cool! I felt like I was in a theater on opening night. I just wanted to jump out of my seat and cheer and yell...kinda like the end of the broadway production of Les Miserables when the entire cast climbs on the barricade with the tattered French flag, and it's all I can do not to jump up and belt out, "Do you hear the people sing?!?" Uh-oh...it's starting..."singing a song of angry men...it is the music of a people who will not be slaves again!"

Originally Posted by ARTEMIS View Post
Yesterday I also said no. Which is new/hard for me. I was invited to a dinner hosted at a club with a bar. I didn't debate with myself if I wanted a drink or not. I chose not to put myself in an environment where it would be a question. I also cut myself some slack on that decision. Have I decided not to drink again? Yes. However, I am new at it. I wouldn't enter an ice skating competition the first week I learned how to skate.
Excellent analogy with the ice skating competition! Yes! Exactly!

Originally Posted by soberlicious View Post
And beyond that...drinking is self-destructive. Hurting yourself hurts those who love you and it does not honor all they have done for you.
This is so true! My personal experience has been that I absolutely have to put ME first. It wasn't until I realized/accepted that I deserved better that I was actually able to make any real headway with walking away from the bottle. When I was trying to do it out of love for others, it just didn't work. But what a wonderful externality of loving myself--that I can honor my loved ones! I love, love, love your purple eye, btw.
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:43 AM
  # 88 (permalink)  
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I booked a flight to Tahiti!!!!!!!!!!
You cannot believe how my jaw dropped at first when I saw that! LOL
And then I realized that you were joking.

My cat is curled up in my lap as I write this. I was reading a thread earlier about the little things we notice when we are sober.
Very true. I notice more things now a days and I have to ask hubby a lot now about times when I was drinking because I don't remember as much from those days.
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:10 PM
  # 89 (permalink)  
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Today was really rough.
I have always had problems sleeping, since childhood, and the new medication I am on is increasing my sleep problems. So I was up again at 3 am. There were lots of insomniacs last night so the chat room was full- I wasn't alone so that was a good thing.
I had an appointment to see my doctor at 9am and by the time I got there I was crying and pretty much in melt down mode. I understand it takes time for anti depressants and similar medicines to get into your system and to work. It has just been a long time I have been trying to find the right one and I was tired and frustrated.
That is when my Beast likes to appear. It seemed to think that drinking to black out would be a solution for the helplessness I felt this morning. It said "come on, no medicine has worked so far. Cut yourself some slack. Go get a big bottle of wine and just float".
I know not to engage but I was distraught so I told it to f off and other colorful words.

I made myself take the dog for a walk. She thoroughly enjoyed it but it was an effort for me, and its usually not. However, I won. I did it.

We received way more snow than they called for. The roads are horrible. I took my Aunt some pizza for dinner, stopped and saw my Dad for a few minutes and then came home.
I'm wrapped up in my Snoopy Pajamas drinking hot chocolate and so grateful I didn't listen to that voice. The only thing wine would have done would be to make me sadder.

My doctor gave me something to help me sleep. She said she thought if I could get the sleep issue straightened out the medicine would fall in line sooner. So tonight I have hope I will get some overdue rest. Either that or I turn into that Giant Luna Moth. Will let you know.

Applecake- My therapist had me buy The Feeling Good Handbook. She said she has had a lot of success with it. I've read some but am having a hard time concentrating but will keep at it. Thanks for your kind words.

Munch- I wasn't even thinking....you could get me a discounted ticket to Tahiti, couldnt you?????
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Old 01-28-2013, 06:20 PM
  # 90 (permalink)  
 
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Originally Posted by Artemis
I know not to engage but I was distraught so I told it to f off and other colorful words.
That's ok...sometimes it feels wonderful to tell it where to go. I like to tell it how stupid it is.
Sometimes only colorful words will do.
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Old 01-29-2013, 06:15 AM
  # 91 (permalink)  
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I told it to f off and other colorful words
I do the same, especially now a days Art.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:42 PM
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Dogggggggggggggie its cold out!!!!

Just got back from walking the dog and I can't feel my face!!!!
We are expecting a Blizzard tomorrow. A foot of snow is forecast.
Oh Joy!!!
Today was good. I took my Aunt to the grocery store....and every person in the State was there to stock up for the storm. Then we went to Wal Mart to get her some lanterns and flashlights. She lives in the country and tends to lose power a lot. I had thought the grocery store was a treat but lo and behold there were more people at Wallyworld.
I encountered enough people to last me through the end of 2013 so I am done socializing. hehehehe

Not much new or exciting in Ninja camp. My Aunt is feeling a little better some days and I am thankful for that.
Take care everyone!
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Old 02-11-2013, 02:44 AM
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Hey is anyone up?
I am struggling some. Not with drinking;it is 4:30 in the morning here and I am not sure if it is my new medicine or the extreme cold or what it is. I'm really sad and was just wondering if anyone else was up this early?

Thanks, Art
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Old 02-11-2013, 06:03 AM
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Hi there Art. Wasn't up at 430 but soon after I was. Hubby gets up early to get to work.
How you doing?
I have a headache today. Not fun.
Hugs!
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Old 02-11-2013, 05:16 PM
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Hey thanks Munch. Just frustrated with not feeling good and not finding the right medicine. Frustrated with a lot of things. Ive been pushing through but this heavy feeling hasnt wanted to leave all day. Chocolate hasnt helped and I thought that solved everything?
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Old 02-11-2013, 05:21 PM
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if you feel the need to chat this evening, I am around, bunkered down in ANOTHER storm, geez louise!
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Old 02-12-2013, 06:24 AM
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Hey there Art. I gotcha. In August I kind of hit a time period when I was afraid, nervous non stop. Better now, just being more active I guess.
Take care and run over that stupid AV with a semi truck. LOL
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Old 03-01-2013, 12:46 AM
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Hey is anyone up? I am a very wussy pet mom.....when I say " Get in your own bed" no one listens and the zoo has woken me up....
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Old 03-01-2013, 06:38 AM
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LOL Funny Art.
How you been doing lately????
Chugging along here at work today.
Hugs over to ya and your zoo!
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Old 03-04-2013, 01:33 PM
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Hey Artemis! Garbanzo, how you bean?
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