ok am i doing this right?
 

hi,, im now into my second mnth sober,, yes i have stopped counting,, thats just for ref,,lol
so,, ever since my sobriety, ive kinda felt,, "wow this is really it,, im back",, and yes. ive gor the book,, and did use vits to help the intial detox,, but havent now for ages, i have not had any cravings,, and to be honest ,, im feeling so good, im thinking "am i too cocky"?
but i really have had no probs, i call myself a non drinker,, and i never want to drink ever again,, so wots up?
am i rare and have i really cracked this? or am i just setting myself up for a big fall? i know i wont,, but im feeling confused !!
is this normal?
i feel great, but just wanted some input from some long timers xxx
ty lv cleo xxx

Hi Cleopatra,

What is normal? On so many levels normal is whatever it needs to be to make sense of variances in whatever.

Confusion happens when we have doubts of whatever. These doubts can be created from simple inexperience. They may also be generated from a biased position taken because of an existing agenda.

For many ex-drinkers, to their honest surprise, their existing agenda is to eventually have that future drink.

When you say you've had no probs, I would suggest you take another look. Asking if you're rare and cracked this, asking if you're getting cocky, asking if you're setting yourself up for the big fall -- all these doubts create an ongoing confusion.

I suppose the most obvious indicator of your doubts is you're not mentioning anything about your separation from your experiences with your Beast and your AV.

All doubts relative to addiction and being an ex-drinker, are in fact, pure AV.

Are you making use of AVRT? You're reading the book I think you mentioned?

Hi Clio just getting thru the day. Take care friend.

thanks fitz,,, hope u are well my lovey,,, think of you lotsxxx

robby,,, yep i knew that would be the case,, but just thought id ask anyhoo,,, so if truth be told,,
i havent wanted to come on for a while now,,,
i have made some lovly new friends and im always checking in on them,, tis place helped me no end xx
so,, basically if i think abouit my addiction with al, or indeed dont,, as i dont, only when on here pretty much,,,

is the same as doubting /yr av talking?

this is what confuses me,,
yes ive read the book,,
re read in fact and i love it,,
my av , well i cant hear it,
so, if i do think about it , even just ask questions here, is that my av? seems to me to be av even if i log on to say hi to some friends?
just real interested thats all,, im well into it,, i love how we tick,, and i love all of you here
lv cleo xxxxx

or indeed am i just a dumbass? lol lol lol
:c031:

Well, you're not a dumbass, so let's clear that up, lol. :)

As for you don't "hear" your AV, could you explain that a bit more? Have you ever heard your AV?

Thanks.

:)

oh yes indeed,,, i have,, for the past 10yrs or so,,, even before that in fact , when i was addicted to class a drugs for 12 yrs xxx
ive always been a very spiritual person tho,, deep down i knew i was even when very young,,, ive always been aware , if u know wot i mean,,,
so me chatting to you now,, that is me wasting time on my av?, if i just get on with my life then there wont be my av to think bout right????
lol xx

i mean ,, addicton (past tense ) lol not my av ,, aghhh this is mad xx lol

You're an interesting person, Cleopatra. Hmm.

I'm sorry, no offense intended, but you're not directly answering my inquiries. You're side-stepping important essential issues we're discussing, all the while introducing new complications. For me, this all comes across as interesting on several levels. For you, it amounts to confusion, apparently, from what you've said about your understanding of AVRT.

The Beast always wants our AV to be hidden as much as possible, and will go to unlimited efforts to conceal AV.

Cleopatra, the purpose of AVRT is not to shut down or turn off our AV. AVRT simply separates us from our AV. I still have AV in my head, even after decades of successfully not drinking. AV is a completly normal and healthy experience. There is nothing to fear from AV. AV is not "bad" or "evil" or anything else remarkable. AV is simply any thought, feeling, image which suggests future drinking/drugging. AV is also the Beasts way to communicate with us -- AV is to Beast as bark is to dog.

AV's are in fact our own thoughts harvested from our own mind. With AVRT, we separate ourselves from those particular AV thoughts. We can't do that if we can't hear them.

Do you have a Big Plan in place, Cleopatra?

You asked if you're doing it right in your OP, and if you're not able to separate AV because you no longer hear it, then you're not doing it right. Some people, I suppose, will claim they haven't heard their AV in years or whatever. That's okay. I don't believe them, but I appreciate they believe themselves. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Perfection is such an unworthy pursuit, imo.

I would caution you to most certainly re-visit being more aware of your AV.

Just us talking is not proper AV, even though we are discussing addiction and being an ex-drinker.

:ghug3

darn i guess i gotta lot of work to do!! lol xx mmmmm just gonna devour a kebab lol
nom nom nom xxxx
:c031:

:c031:

Hi Cleo,

You're totally OK.

In another thread you said you'd tried to quit a number of times in the last ten years or so. Well, you can recall what happened when the desire resurfaced back then, and you can now reinterpret those episodes with AVRT and identify what your AV was telling you to get you to start drinking again.

I don't know if you were a maintenance drinker or a binge drinker, but the Beast of a maintenance drinker is often weaker in someone coming into abstinence because it has not had as much opportunity to work on convincing a straight thinking mind that it's time to have another drink.

GT

thank you very much for yr replys,, most appreciated, and i love that you took time out to answer me,, its v sweet of you.
i am very interseted in what you both have to say,, and yes i do fully understand, i have re read yr posts, and im not confuesd, i merely was "puttin it out there".
i do have a "big plan",, and i do know what av is,, and indeed avrt, i find it so amazing, i have used it before,, when detoxed off drugs,, and this time off booze.
i also discuss it regularly with hubby, he loves the concept and is very pleased that i am now sober,, hes not ever gonna forget the tings i did when drunk, but he forgives , and thats all he can do, same as my kids,, same as me too.
i have suffered with ptsd guilt for 20 yrs, after my father committed suicide, when my mom found out he was abusing me,,, i held onto such guilt like you wouldnt beleive for soooooooooooooooooo long,, it crippled me,, but finally , 6mnths ago,, i came to a point in my time, when i had to forgive,, and let go of it.
can that also be av? ?
very interseted in yr replys if you have time,,, ty soooooooooooooooooooooo much,,,, im not gonna say im not evr gonna forget what he did, and how it killed me inside for sooooo long,,, so i am v aware of av,,, and using avrt is , yes a newie to me,,, but i think all along ive been using it in some way or another,,, i know we all do yeh?
lv to all
x cleoxxxxxxxx

ps,,, i really do feel bloody fantasttic tho ,, lol lol xxxx
:c031:

Cleo, it sounds like you are wondering if becoming sober is as easy as your experience indicates. If you say it was easy, it was easy. We each get to pick our degree of difficulty in getting sober. We react in ways we feel are dictated by our genes, our upbringing, our environment, or our past, but in the end it is all us. If we can think ourselves into new ways of acting, we can think ourselves into new ways of thinking as well.

If AV is the sound of your barking beast, then sometimes that dog is silent. Your mindfulness and presence in the moment will tell you if this is true. Acceptance and awareness is an enlightened way to live, and it sounds as though you are living large. Well done.

thank you thank you fresh,,, i adore you !!!
and not just cos you is nice to me xx lol
yes i am finding this easy,,, when i was very young,, i was very aware of "a voice inside my head",, when i used to hear my parents fighting, i used to calm myself down by talking to this voice,, it was my inner slf i think.
ive always thought i was schizorphrenic or something,, and when i was going thru that tough time after my fathers death,, i was on my own,, my whole family disowned me,, i had to move away,, i was a hermit for 4 yrs,,, i used to go out (rarely) just to sit in the park,, and watch all the families and peeps having a nice time,, id hide under a big tree in the corner and just sob myself to sleep .
i also kept a diary,, something ive done since age 8, and well i wrote my thoughts down cos i had no one to talk too, and too scared to tell anyone anyway,, for fear that i was crazy, it was more like a bloody library tho!! lol
i kept those books,, and had a ceromnious burning when i finally was able to let go off it all,, yet all through that time , i questioned myself,, my guilt and paranoia were horrendous,, but i always knew deep down i was not crazy,, i was worthy of a place on this eart,, and i do deserve happiness.
when i was 21,, my friend, dragged me out,, and i met my hubby,, that was nearly 20 yrs ago now,,, oh sure im no angel,, and gee hes one for being a sucker putting up with me,, but you know wot?? all that weve been thru ,, has made us the best couple in the universe,,, lol
so,,, i havent gone in to much detail bout my av, my addcitions,, too much,,, but i know one thing,,
im not a drinker,, and i never will be,,, and i will never ever ever,,, change my mind xxx
love you all to bits,, my sr frinds
lv x cleo xxxxxx