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Old 11-27-2012, 09:55 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Not The Way way, Just the way
 
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AVRT is an articulation of how people quit on their own - as it appears you have done.
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Old 11-27-2012, 10:01 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Well but that's the thing, I picture them all differently. The pepsi monster is cute and fluffy and cuddly and happy and warm and fuzzy lol

The husband's monster is hunched over, sick looking, disease ridden thing. Awful little monster. It's evil.

My booze monster ... I never given it an identity. I guess when I quit I determined it was a part of me, not separate at all. Just a part of me that would have to live the way I wanted to live. Drinking just stopped being an option and there really wasn't much of a fight for it.
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Old 11-27-2012, 10:18 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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He did it on his own for 6 months, I asked him how he did it, he said he had no idea. He just knew he didn't want to do drugs anymore. Than I suppose the monster got the best of him. Than he got sent to prison where he was clean for 2 years and said he didn't have a single 'craving' or want whatsoever so the Monster knew it wasn't available and was waiting... 3 months being home and the Monster strikes. Bam. Back to the drawing board we went. Figured time would be enough. He beat himself up so much over it. Thought he had a handle and it spit in his face.

My quitting was that way too... I just knew I didn't want to drink anymore. No reason to, it wasn't as awesome as what I had going on in my life. I chose life not booze. Than I relied on my signature through the tough times where I suppose it was my Monster saying "Your life sucks, you should go find a drink or a pill, just to detach from the miserable s*** you're going through" I just kept on with that signature below.
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Old 11-27-2012, 10:44 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Not The Way way, Just the way
 
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Originally Posted by DejaVu2 View Post
I just knew I didn't want to drink anymore. No reason to, it wasn't as awesome as what I had going on in my life. I chose life not booze. Than I relied on my signature through the tough times where I suppose it was my Monster saying "Your life sucks, you should go find a drink or a pill, just to detach from the miserable s*** you're going through" I just kept on with that signature below.

"I just can't keep living this way, so starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage, I'm standing up,
I'ma face my demons, I'm manning up, I'ma hold my ground,
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up, time to put my life back together right now"
Like you (and me - after a mandated stint in the recovery group movement) the vast majority of people who finally quit once and for all do it without recovery groups. I think it's really nice that Sober Recovery offers positive information along those lines here at Secular Connections and encourages people to check it out in all their forums.
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Old 11-27-2012, 11:28 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Sorry about this JejaVue2. Didnt mean to offend you.

I broke up with the love of my life this summer because I wanted to change my life and be sober. Hardest thing I evern had to do, for me. We saw each other, she was drinking rye, smoking cigarettes and weed. I was drinking orange juice. It's when I realized I had to leave her to do this for me, not for her, not to influence her to stop, to help her etc.

For once in my life this was about me me me. I relapsed hard after I broke up with her. Tought I would die. But I got back up and here I am now, working on me me me.

Sobriety is as personal experience, for me it is. ;-)

good luck I see some of the guys are already helping you, they are the best! ;-)
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Old 11-27-2012, 11:40 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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It's all good patman, no hard feelings. I just figure everybody's different. Every situation, every personality, every story, every circumstance.
Must have been really hard on you, but it sounds like you're doing well

I've been paying attention to me as well. I know I have to look out for myself; my own health, my safety, etc. and I am.
There's nothing that will ever stop me from trying to help him though. I don't believe in divorce (for personal reasons) unless of certain circumstances (abuse, affairs, etc) this does not qualify and I said for better or worse and I have to stand by my husband in any way possible.
Not trying to do it for him. Just figured I could relay the information and copy/paste the most useful posts so that he doesn't have a lot to skim and read through.

I believe in him, I believe in us. I know there is a line where I would probably say "I've had enough" and leave him. I'm sure it's there somewhere. I don't know how many more times, or what more we have to lose before I leave but I don't see that happening any time soon. So in the mean time I'm going to work on doing what I can, providing him with resources and options.

He still has all the work, he has the heavy lifting. This is his battle. This is his life he needs to regain control of. He's the only one that can do it. But if he needs somebody to lean on when the weight gets too much to hold; than I am here for him.
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Old 11-27-2012, 11:54 AM
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I admire your loyalty and love for him. If my ex had half your courage we might still be togheter.

I'm sure your husband will bounce back, stronger then ever! Have faith.

Pat
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:55 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Wanted to mention there was a post in the Discussion part 1 about using the phrase "Vertigo" such as "I'm in vertigo" and "That was vertigo" in order to snap out of it so to speak.

I think that was posted by Terminally Unique.
I really like that.

The circumstance is different now since being introduced to AVRT but the husband's first little slip up in October he said he didn't know what happened. He didn't crave, didn't want, his monster was quiet and there was no AV to hear... he just caught himself driving home, taking a wrong turn straight to the dealer's house.
He said he didn't know how it happened. Described it as auto-pilot. He was going to get some before even thinking about it and by that time... he was already struck and couldn't get out.

I think the "Vertigo" phrase practice could be really helpful in this type of situation.
Really glad I read that and I really want that book now. Bah
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Old 11-27-2012, 01:27 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
 
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I haven't had a chance to read all the responses, so forgive me if this has already been stated, but I use the word "dismiss" rather than "ignore". I find there is a subtle difference. For me ignoring implies turning a blind eye...not making a choice to either accept or deny, but to just be unaware, to just blindly push away. On the other hand, Dismissal means I see, hear, recognize the situation for what it is, then make a conscious choice to dismiss the information as false, inaccurate, or otherwise wrong for me. Don't know if that is a difference for others, but it is for me.

Also, being able to truly ignore something, I think comes with a true indifference. Otherwise it is like I see my second graders doing...they look straight at their peer and say, "I'm ignoring you"..."I'm still ignoring you"..."can't you see that I'm ignoring you?!" LOL
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Old 11-27-2012, 01:37 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Dismiss clicked with me. Thanks, going to copy/paste you now haha.
So acknowledge AV as a separate entity, objectify it, dismiss it. That's what I'm understanding
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Old 11-27-2012, 02:21 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Decided that whilst copy/pasting a million things into a document on the computer I'm also going to categorize them... organize them. I'm going to get fancy with this. Makes it easier than reading everything for sure. Although there is a LOT on the discussion posts that are worth copying down. I have all the key points and helpful analogies and kind of sheltered from the opinions a little bit. I am on page 9 of discussion part 2 and my word document is on page 21.... yikes. Feel like I'm making a book
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Old 11-28-2012, 11:10 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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DejaVu, I realize that this is a very personal and loving thing that you are doing right now for your husband, but I would be really interested in what you come up with for your condensed version. I hope you will think about sharing it with the larger community because I am sure it would be very valuable.
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Old 11-29-2012, 07:26 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Hmm slightly confused Fresh, what exactly do you think would be helpful? The book I'm copying/pasting and re-organizing from the discussion threads?? I'd want to make sure I give credit to who said what... haha
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Old 11-30-2012, 01:35 PM
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Just bought the Rational Recovery Book Yay. Lol progress.
Asked the hubby if he'd read it he said he wont be able to sit and read the whole thing at once but he'd read it. Hope it helps. I'm excited.
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