Was nearly defeated
 

I've been pushing help away for quite some time now, maybe I set myself up for this. I told myself that I made a big plan and that was that, I said that I would never drink again and never change my mind. I got so confident and arrogant that one day I decided that I didn't need to demonize the AV, and that it didn't exist at all, I told myself that I was so powerful that I didn't need any sort of method, I was wrong. I avoided coming here for the most part because it began to feel like a sign of weakness. I made a big plan after all, I'm busy living my life, why should I mope around a forum when I have it beat?

I got put in my place this weekend, starting Wednesday night, maybe even earlier than that, I've had the most powerful cravings, the worst it's been since I quit probably, and this has been a stumbling block for me in the past. At some point in time I get a long wall of cravings that spans days, how long will it last? I don't know because I've never lasted long enough to find out. Six, seven, twelve weeks... I can go a really long time without having them at all, but when they show up, they bring the big guns and tend to stick around for a long time, each day it gets a little worse. My head got too big, I threw out my last line of defense and maybe this is what I get for it. I shouldn't feel guilty because I didn't go to the liquor store, in fact, I drove right past a couple of them and even walked past the front door of one and didn't go in. My whole idea was that I would simply not engage the AV, allow it to chatter but not engage, I guess it had been so long since I had really bad cravings that I thought it would work out that way, but it didn't.

It's back to the drawing board now, I don't think it's such a good idea to simply say I won't drink, and not have a plan. I guess I'll pick up AVRT again because it seemed to work up until I threw it out the window >_>.

look at all your options....just stay true to what you believe/are at this moment.

((Admiral)) - good for you on coming back and admit "defeat". FWIW, I was similar. I thought I just had to quit, no problem. Though I use a variety of things for my recovey, SR has been one of the greatest things I've found.

If someone asked me what program I work, I couldn't honestly tell you. It's a little of this, a little of that, and a lot of what I've learned from folks here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I did the same, difference is that I gave in. I was to confident and I tought I could control the beast. I'm back sober, 2 weeks tomorow. This time I'm careful not to scream victory. I just go with the flow.

Great job! Big plan is and ongoing thing like you are doing so well