DoubleBarrel

I had an interesting experience today, there was a major screwup at work, not my fault, but it messed up what I have been doing all week.

There was a distinctive voice in my head, saying, you should go get drunk, blow off some steam.

It seemed SO FOREIGN to me, as though it really was another person in my head.

I guess that old reaction to stress is gonna be around for a while.

But hearing it as a separate voice, that really made it easy to laugh off.
In the past I really have listened to it like I had some great idea.
The other weird thing was, right after this happened, I was walking down the street, and I saw in a store window a banner with the serenity prayer on it.

I saw that, and thought, yep. Thats something I can't control.

I went and got a cup of coffee, and continued on with my day.
So there was a big screw up. Oh well. Not anything Im drinking over.

Rosiepetal

Good for you.

RobbyRobot

Yeah, the separation is what makes all the difference, for sure. And its a learned skill too, enjoying that separation of our AV from ourselves. My Beast always wants me drunk. Me, I'm already busy enough as a non-drinker to not care what my Beasts wants. It can rot in hell, hahaha.

Good stuff, DB.

Toss

I am still early in recovery and the beast still tries to talk to me. I usually ignore him, but the last few days the ignoring is turning to anger. In my mind I want to yell at him in my loudest voice "SHUT UP!!!"

I am grateful that there is a separation in my mind between him and myself. I can isolate him and tell him no, no matter how much his persuasion is gnawing at me.

Good Luck,

Toss

RobbyRobot

I'm not surprised the ignoring (may) leads to anger. FWIW, its far better to accept the AV from the Beast rather then ignore whatever. We learn more skills in dealing with AV by "hearing" it. No need to fear that by listening to AV we will some how obey it. That fear is in itself AV.

freshstart57

I've learned to just become aware of it, and be present with it, no arguing or yelling or emotion at all. I am not afraid or bugged by it anymore, it's more just 'meh, you again'.

It sounds like you are doing just great at this stuff, DoubleBarrel. Well done.

buickbeast

Never thought of characterizing this voice as a Beast. I really like that =)
Think I'll go forward in my battle with this view, thanks OP

freshstart57

It's an idea that's used a bit around here, the idea that our urges and thoughts to drink are the alcoholic voice we are hearing, and its source is The Beast, which is really just the pleasure center in our brains. We all have one of these, it's just that ours has gone haywire from too much drinking.

Another way to describe the source of these urges is The Parasite. I like that one better I think, a thing inside us that is just along for that boozy ride. More on this at the Rational Recovery website.

RobbyRobot

Welcome to SR, buickbeast.

For your consideration, a more consistent with AVRT understanding is the Beast is simply an ongoing abnormal addictive desire for alcohol/drugs, and Addictive Voice (AV) is a harvested collection of our own thoughts which are separated from our healthy selves. AV is to Beast as bark is to dog.

examples

my Beast wants to drink
I want to be a non drinker

my AV tells me to drink
I don't think about drinking

my Beast has addictive desires
I don't feel cravings or desires for alcohol/drugs

my AV is always trying to get me to engage and argue
I hear my AV and simply recognise it as separated from me

It can be confusing to grasp, and like anything else that is a learned technique, practice makes (almost) perfect.

soberlicious

I can understand this feeling, too, but remember that anger is a form of engagement. Anger can lead to arguing, and in a fight...someone wins and someone loses. Not engaging in the battle means you have won. If you don't go to the fight, you cannot possibly lose.

I have always told my kids "He who angers you, controls you."

True indifference is the ultimate power over the beast.

RDBplus3

I appreciate all of the posts. I have now been a week without any alcohol, and my Addiction is SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER. I have read 2 of the AVRT books, and I have a good 'head knowledge' of the concepts and most of the tools and techniques.

I am always under horrendous stress at work, and many times I get caught in the crossfire of extremely urgent and difficult circumstances. Most of my drinking is done 'to deal with the extreme stress'. I know now that is AV or Beast Talk, however, as I continue through the day, every minute of the day I am overwhelmed with the actual stress I am under, so that is not just the Beast falsely creating the circumstances, but I know it IS the Beast in me SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER for the drink.

Thanks everyone for this Forum and your posts.

soberlicious

Oh make no mistake...the stress is real. The goal is not to deny the stress or the level of intensity you deal with, but rather to identify that the beast is using that against you for its own agenda.

One of the things I remind myself of frequently is that just because I feel like I'm going to die from stress (or pain, or grief, or fear), doesn't mean that I actually am. It is a physical response to an emotion. A brain thing...A Jedi mind trick. Yeah...*it* is screaming at you. But *it* cannot hurt you.

It appears that your need for strategies for dealing with an enormous amount of stress are very real and valid. Your AV is presenting one strategy that *you* know is not effective. Not only does it not work, it exacerbates the stress. I deal with the AV's ideas just like I would any other unworkable solution. It's not an option, because it's not effective for solving the problem at hand. All other indications to the contrary are simply false and not to be considered. It's probably a good idea to set about finding ways that really will bring you some much needed relief.