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Old 10-25-2012, 05:10 AM
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A simple guy making his way
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Friction

I am a fairly respectful person in that I have a live and let live attitude. So most things either go unnoticed or acknowledged and I move on. I find this method of participating in life to have less friction.

But every now and then, like shuffling your feet on the carpet, the friction builds until you get zapped.

zZZZZzZzzzZzZzzZZ!

My mind and heart belong in this section. It is refreshing and simple to maintain the secular perspectives and methods of AVRT. For me that is.

But while I see them clearly I find that my life at this point is in need of things not available within the constructs of AVRT. Like social and humans interactions. That's an area my life sorely lacks. For a number of reasons none of which are exciting enough to say or embellish.

So, literally, I am an island. My relationship, friendships, work setting all box me in with zero ways to share what's going on.

I needed to start AA as a way to get out of the house. A way to make new connections. A way to insert a speed bump on the benign road I am on.

Let me tell you. I have learned a lot. Just nothing that teaches me how to live a sober life.

So I go to the meetings. I let the sponsor spew his shpeel. I listen to the rhetoric. I give my dollar. And I take a respite from the mundane for an hour.

Heck I always believed in osmosis anyway so I should get something over time. Something to cling to with the desperation only apparent at meetings.

In the mean time. I will continue to go. Respect the process. Accomplish my goals. And in time my plans for change in my life will come together enough to get me the hell out of this situation.

This is not a dialog of methods. Is a simple note of loosly masked sarcasm on my very human condition at the moment.

I am grateful, very truly, for SR, AVRT, AA, and my ability to recognize what I need to do to help myself at this moment.

I have been sober more than I have memory to draw on so the unlikely combination is working for me.
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Old 10-25-2012, 06:31 AM
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Glad AA seems to help. It didn't for me. There is a meeting I very occasionally go to to see a couple of people but it's less and less frequent because of the strict dogma. There are other things I do much more frequently for social interaction. For example, I belong to a scuba club. Meetings once a month, some communal dives over the spring through fall, some weekend (or more) camping/diving trips, and a yearly trip to somewhere warm.

Do you have any interests (don't need to be skilled - just a novice's interest) that there might be local clubs for? Do you like to play vollyball, soccer, softball, etc. There are usually recreational and more organized opportunities almost everywhere. Do you like archery, shooting, fishing? There are fish and game clubs almost everywhere as well. How about flying radio controlled helicopters or airplanes? Rockets? Hiking? Mountain bikiing? Kayaking? There are clubs and the ability to hook up with others with similar interests. Reading? - there are book clubs. Check your local newspaper's community calendar to find these opportunities.

Another approach would be volunteering - local librarys, senior centers, hospitals, not-for-profits are always looking. I found that making AA my social outlet to be extremely limiting and essentially unsatisfying. Finding secular groups works for me.
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Old 10-25-2012, 06:57 AM
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I don't think that using AA for a social outlet would be helpful for me. to me it's very depressing. i'm not an uncompassionate person by nature, but all the repetition, constant despiration doesn't work for me. I do remember what it was like to be drinking heavily and feeling depressed, I'm very grateful to be sober (and i practice this everyday). but why continue to re-live the drunk episodes 24/7. truthfully that just makes me want to drink sometimes.

i've been occupying my free time with things i did not do while drinking....my home, exercise, gardening ( i have a never-ending rockwall i've landscaped my gardens myself except for the heavy work)...i've shouldered a lot of the burdens with family issues that my brother did for so long..it makes me feel GOOD to do fun things....i have family that has forgiven me and we are reconnecting.
I am also trying to learn to "age" gracefully and take care of my health/body. all good things.

i don't want to sit in a room for an hour and lament how bad/desperate it was every day/week/ blahblahblah....
but it doesn't mean i won't help anyone either. i just do it differently.
I'm very new to reading secular sections....to be honest i wasn't even sure what you guys did.....( iwas thinking double-bubble toil and trouble at one point, lol).
but i seem to really identify with you all here, except i don't consciously practice AVRT, but i like reading about it and it just makes sense to me.

back later, the appraiser is coming and i gotta clean up the house...another plus in sobriety, i am paying attention to mortgage rates and got my own reduced.
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Old 10-25-2012, 07:15 AM
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I had reservations about going to AA. It's hard to sit through the meetings. Not sure why I am going at this moment other than to say I needed an immeadiate place to go to.

The rhetoric is ... Well ... Rhetoric.

I thought I was perfectly clear with this muddied approach and here you all go kicking up the bottom.

Yes all those activities probably do take place somewhere. I live on the hell hole know as Long Island. I place of few humble folk. I am here for another year or so and then moving on.

I have to say that I would never have seen my addictions in the way I do today had I not come here. So I will say good has come from it. I never would have gotten sober. I am certain.

Things are changing for me. One step at a time. And I don't mean those steps.
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Old 10-25-2012, 09:08 AM
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The Long Island Medium!!! LI is better than staten island Weasel!

try living in Joisey...actually it's very nice here..i'm about 30 miles west of NYC.
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Old 10-25-2012, 09:13 AM
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Hi Weasel.

Just a friendly warning this morning. AA subject matter in Secular Connections is off limits. I don't want your thread locked or removed by the Mods.

I too benefited from a wide variety of sober living skills. Some of these recovery methods were used in different times of my wellness progress. As I develop healthy living skills I graduate to higher levels of being. Some of the ways that helped in the beginning may need modification to accommodate my development. What I fear is stagnation in life because of being attached to a singular ideology. I don't want to develop concrete thinking as I see here with some of the SR members.

My wellness depends on being able to accommodate different beliefs without having to adopt them wholly. "Take what you need...leave the rest" Is wisdom to the highest level.
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Old 10-25-2012, 09:20 AM
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Zencat.... Sounds like you are doing well.... That's great!

Yes of course this area is secular. My post, as stated, is not about methods. It's about me. It's all about me.

Fandy.... I live very very close to Theresa. The show has shot scenes just a few blocks away. She is awesome huh?

K
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Old 10-25-2012, 09:28 AM
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I love Theresa too....the BIG HAIR and the nails like scoops scream North Jersey....(ahem very different than sedate Princeton).

i keep wishing she would tell me that my XH now knows he was an idiot....he died 2 years ago of untreated alcohol related issues, leaving our daughter to clean up his mess.

i like the phrase "sober living skills", it's very helpful in describing how i have changed my lifestyle too. thanks
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Old 10-25-2012, 09:32 AM
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I just do what I do to stay sober... I come here because I'm not religious. I go elsewhere to see how people are doing and to put in my $0.02 if I think I can help. I understand you Weasie about the social interaction. I just talk to people who would consider themselves without a drink problem and tell them how it was for me. I would probably be the same if I had another illness like a heart attack or the C word. I know I have helped one person stop which I'm glad about. Its all about getting and staying sober.. full stop (period)
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Old 10-25-2012, 12:04 PM
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Sometimes I would go to an AA meeting just to be around people that had similar issues as I did. There aren't many other options for face-to-face meetings in these parts. Sometimes I could shake a newcomer's hand and tell them they don't have to live that way anymore.
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Old 10-26-2012, 01:42 AM
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Hey Weasel,
Good to see you in this corner of the forum. I thought I recognized you as "one of us" when reading your posts in Newcomers.

I relate to feeling/being an island. The best thing I've done for that lately has been volunteering at a food bank, back room sorts of stuff. I work with others to help others but it's nothing complex nor overly social.

Anyhow, good to have you here and look forward to seeing you around.
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Old 10-26-2012, 03:09 AM
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O.... Thanks for the warm welcome. I have been here before. But kind of lost my way a bit. I had six months of not getting it done. Without any intervention to break routine with my partner we wallowed in it. So even the strongest big plan was doomed without any change of my foundation. So here I am. Doing much better. Working at trying new things.

I have volunteered before at a food bank. The work is rewarding. Good for you for participating.

K
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Old 10-26-2012, 03:16 AM
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Weasel, after I posted, I was looking for a different thread and noticed you'd been around here before. In any event, I still think you're good company.
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Old 10-26-2012, 05:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Obladi
I thought I recognized you as "one of us".
I am all for special hats. Nice to see you again, Weasel.
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Old 10-27-2012, 05:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Weasel1966 View Post
I had reservations about going to AA. It's hard to sit through the meetings. Not sure why I am going at this moment other than to say I needed an immeadiate place to go to.

The rhetoric is ... Well ... Rhetoric.

I thought I was perfectly clear with this muddied approach and here you all go kicking up the bottom.

Yes all those activities probably do take place somewhere. I live on the hell hole know as Long Island. I place of few humble folk. I am here for another year or so and then moving on.

I have to say that I would never have seen my addictions in the way I do today had I not come here. So I will say good has come from it. I never would have gotten sober. I am certain.

Things are changing for me. One step at a time. And I don't mean those steps.
Yeah, whatever works works. No worries about whatever. People are still people no matter how they workout living a sans-alcohol life, and nothing wrong with some friendships along "The Way" too...

Good to see you back in balance, Ken. And good to know you're living the sober and clean life as more a giver and less a taker...

Awesome.
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Old 10-27-2012, 08:09 AM
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RR... Thanks. I am more balanced at this moment. Just this moment... Lol.
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Old 10-27-2012, 05:14 PM
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I, for one, am glad I found this place. Even though I continue to go to meetings, even if only for the comedic relief it affords, I began to suffer from cognitive dissonance. There is a mountain of contradictions in the 'program'.

I have been a fan of Albert Ellis and REBT for years, but I wasn't able to integrate REBT into my irrational desire for escapism and my quest for seeking 'truth'.

When I began reading AVRT it all kind of clicked for me, even though I had gotten sober in AA years before. I believe this is from my working with others in the program, and becoming quite frustrated that the steps just weren't working as advertised. Some of the mystery was gone and the magic often proved to be an illusion.

I still enjoy my hourly breaks from the world of men a couple times a week, and in my own way I offer an alternative viewpoint that many fellowships would not tolerate. I often tell some of the newer members that my views are not orthodox and that there is a big difference between getting sober and staying sober.
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Old 10-29-2012, 09:25 PM
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Great to hear you sounding well, Ken.

I just checked my compass, and there are 180 different ways to move forward. I don't see how you can go wrong exploring any of them.
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Old 11-01-2012, 10:14 AM
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I am still struggling a lot. Started to read about smart recovery. I like that there are exercises to do. My partner and I are sitting down tonight and doing one. We will be comparing notes. It will be good to see where we each are and any commonality. After all while we each need to do this for ourselves the relationship does need to recover as well. It might be a good way to build intimacy. That seems to have been lost with all our drinking.

I have to say I am feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety about quitting AA. I have distinct issues with stopping things. Lol I laughed as I typed that. Really? Ya think I have issues quitting things?

What I mean is my father used to yell at me and belittle me. He always called me a quitter. Enough that I feel guilt when ever I quit something with out fully applying myself. I often stay doing something or being in relationships when they clearly are no longer healthy for me.

Oh well.... Time to step off the curb. What's the worst thing that can happen? I stay sober? Certainly I have not been shown any solid way to cope with changing my life. So why feel guilt for leaving something that does not help and move on to something that teaches ways to handle life's challenges.

Just a tough day for me. Oh well.
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Old 11-01-2012, 01:01 PM
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Weasel, I wouldn't be too concerned about 'quitting' any recovery method or sobriety tool. You are only accountable to you, and to absolutely no one else in this. There is no guilt or shame in continuing along your journey. In fact, a certain courage and belief in self is needed for this.

There is only one thing to quit that needs your focus right now. Best to you.
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