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Old 08-14-2012, 04:21 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
Learning to live again
 
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Thinking of you....rooting for you. This could be the last time you go through this misery. At some point I hope you'll feel excited for the future, and filled with hope.
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Old 08-14-2012, 04:51 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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(((Nandz))) - I know this is hard, but I am so totally impressed that you are being honest here. Though alcohol was not my "thing" (crack was), you know you are in good company.

You can do this, sweetie, You DESERVE this...not to be a slave to the alcohol. I've gotten to know you over time, and I am saying mega prayers for you. I know you don't like yourself when you're drinking, and dammit, you need to realize what an awesome person you are!!

You've got support from all over the world here. Post as often as you need to, pm me or others...we've got your back.

Oh, and tell your mom I say "thank you". As you know, I was once a nurse (lost that career to addiction) but I have a special gratitude for nurses. The fact that she's your mom? Oh yeah, she's way up on my pedestal.

You can do this sweetie.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy
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Old 08-14-2012, 05:12 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Hope you are doing okay. Glad you got started today. You sound like you have your thoughts and resolve in a good place to begin detox.
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Old 08-15-2012, 04:38 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Hi,

Sorry I didn't post last night...not sure why (scratches head).

Well...things are really going well...no shakes, and all evening no nausea or anything really...

Last night as soon as I laid down I started hurting and that went on all night...maybe nausea but not sure I think it was more pain. I've been up 20 minites and it's starting to fade.

I had forgotten that the pancreatits was going to be the sort of long term time taker with this. When I drank I would pass out for about 5 hours sleep, then wake up with pain and nausea which would go away when I stopped tossing and turning, got up and took a drink....I'm re-evaluating what that really was about. I've had the pancretits stuff before, and I'm seeing a pattern. I think it was not the alchohol that made the pain and nausea go away but rather the no longer lying down. Don't know why that would be so, but when I had this before and got sober it was the same pattern...get up, nausia/pain for about an hour...then fine the reast of the day...then go to bed and start tossing and turning with pain and nausia for about 2 hours...get up..vomit/hurt...2 hours later fine.

It may discourage me a bit in the AM, but since (at least in the past) it fades after a few hous up...I think I'm ready to deal with this.

So I'm off today...try to eat as much as I can ... may take a few days to get my appetite really working. Since I'm feeling ok outside this pain, I expect I will clean the fridge, do 2 loads of laundry get the final touches on cleaning the kitchen done.

right now I just need to get through the next hour or so till the pain stops (it's not like unbarable..just steady)

Thank you all....sorry gotta run and try and get my focus off the pain on on the lovely day outside!
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Old 08-15-2012, 04:42 AM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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wishing you the best today Nands

D
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Old 08-15-2012, 11:14 AM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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I'm glad to hear you're doing well, Nands.
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Old 08-15-2012, 11:19 AM
  # 47 (permalink)  
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Hey Ananda; glad you're OK....
check in later

check with the doctor about your pancreas? you're worrying me.
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Old 08-15-2012, 01:07 PM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Ananda, I'm glad to read this!! Keep going
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Old 08-15-2012, 04:16 PM
  # 49 (permalink)  
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Been a good day...got a lot done, and after that first hour and a half the pain went away and I was able to eat some turkey for lunch. Shopping done, Kitchen completely done, 3 loads of laundry (more to go on the weekend).

We are having some cool weather...won't hit 90 the next 5 days and possibly some rain! (I love rain).

We are having nacho supreme cassarole for dinner...yes I'm being a bit ambisious, but I have cottage cheese if it doesn't go well.

Reading some other threads, but don't have a lot to say at this point. Just focusing on if I do one thing today then thats something I don't have to do tomarrow.

Was remembering how much I use to do when I was sober for months or years instead of weeks....I'm feeling alot stronger. I did have those nagging thoughts of alchohol when I drove to the store, but I acknowledge the thought was there and let it go and thought about something else. It was scarry but not too hard.

See you all in the morning and thanks for all your support.
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Old 08-15-2012, 05:20 PM
  # 50 (permalink)  
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Way to go, Nands. You sound great - maybe it won't be as bad as expected.
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Old 08-16-2012, 05:01 AM
  # 51 (permalink)  
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still got nauseous this morning..it's gone now

I've gotta go...it's hi ho hi ho time....

Check in this evening after we grill hambergers!
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Old 08-16-2012, 08:08 AM
  # 52 (permalink)  
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(((Nands)))

I'm glad you're getting through this.
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Old 08-16-2012, 09:03 AM
  # 53 (permalink)  
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glad you are OK, gingerale for the nausea?
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Old 08-16-2012, 03:50 PM
  # 54 (permalink)  
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Hi Ananda. I haven't been on here in a while, glad to see you posted. Keep it up!
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Old 08-16-2012, 03:54 PM
  # 55 (permalink)  
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We're with you, Nands.
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Old 08-17-2012, 04:42 AM
  # 56 (permalink)  
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I'm ok..hope all of you are too!

A bit down this morning...had diaria for a while and of course the nausia for now...its a bit better...been up about 1/2 hour...

Work today, then a weekend of working on some "legal papers" for my bankruptsy ...but we are also making a new kale recipee and stuffing..so there will be fun too.

I probably had the most negative drinking thoughts this morning....Its so nice to know there is not bottle to go to...the thoughts will pass before the liquer stores open and I guess it gives me some practice and expereince in letting go of those thoughts and moving on. Hope it will help make me better at it for when those thoughts come when I could go get a bottle.

I was telling mom last night...I'm not sure how many years I had when it happened, but I do remember a number of years when the thought of drinking or focus on how to not drink simply wasn't a part of my life regardless of what was going on...it just never crossed my mind...I just didn't drink and that was just how it us without any struggle. I'm pretty sure that's a ways off, but I also am 99.9999% sure that I will be there again in time.

For now...acknowledge, don't cling, don't feed, let the thought flow by like a cloud and keep on doing the next indicated thing. Unattended thoughts don't hang around very long.

Mom is getting a bit pushy about how she want's my house to look But hey...this is always what happens after day 3 of her visits I'm stating my preference and then letting her do as she does...I can always change things back when she leaves :rotfxko

And I'm not being ungrateful! It's just how it is and she is a real trooper and great help, wouldn't trade her for the world...She want's me to have a "colorful" shower curtin...fine ... put up flamingos (LOL)...I like white bathrooms, but that's just me and the world doesn't end over which side of the sink you do your dishes in or the color of a shower curtain, and they can all go back to normal when she leaves

It's been truley awsome to have her help and my son and I have enjoyed the last few days. So I'm sober..still a bit sick..fine at work...house almost in good order...the dreaded bankruptsy should be turned in to the lawyer Monday and then...Daily maintance, solve one problem at a time, and I can wait 3 months to start figuring out the school thing...

Well, I'm off to do coffee with mom, get dressed and get to work...time is going pretty fast.

Thank you all
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Old 08-17-2012, 05:11 AM
  # 57 (permalink)  
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You are an inspiration! I love your positive attitude! Letting those little things go like the shower curtain is big stuff already! I have a feeling you will do just fine at this sober thing
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Old 08-17-2012, 11:09 AM
  # 58 (permalink)  
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It makes me feel great to read the positivity, Ananda. Happy for your accomplishments and your chance for a new beginning.
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Old 08-17-2012, 05:18 PM
  # 59 (permalink)  
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Nands, it sounds like you're doing really well.

I'm so glad you and your son are both enjoying your mother's visit.
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Old 08-17-2012, 05:34 PM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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((Nandz)) - I am thrilled to read your updates! At least your mom isn't doing what my niece did..I came home from a trip with dad and "our" entire bathroom was majorly pink...like need to wear sunglasses to go in there! Flamingos? I could take, that's just a bit of pink.

I'm really proud of you btw

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy
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