wonderfullife

Hello All,

For those of you who do not visit the newbies section often, I wanted to introduce myself. 34 years old. 15 year drinker. will drink anywhere from 3-7 days of the weak. anywhere from 6-10 drinks. been around this forum for a couple of years. recently started posting. My most recent question is this. I don't want to hit rock bottom to change. I know that I need to. What I am having trouble with is making the mental shift from "take a couple of weeks off" to "never again". How did everyone here get to the point where they were able to make that mental shift. I meditate, eat healthy, excercise, but still love that buzz. And that is what annoys me. If its killing me slowly, why do I love it. if the answer is addiction, then how do I make this mental shift. I have tried AVRT. Limited success. Thanks in advance.

Wonder

topspin

Wonder, .... can certainly relate to wanting to "take a couple weeks off."
I dug in my heels for years with that notion. Ended fruitless.

Have you read the AVRT threads here ? I've not read anything about taking "a couple weeks off" in there. That's pure AV.

Did you make a Big Plan ?
Without it, there's no AVRT.

GerandTwine

The chances that you will be able to develop an ability to moderate your drinking without negative consequences are certainly less than that you will ruin your life by continuing to try drinking successfully. Your quote on another thread indicates this.
You sound a lot like I was.
I see three things that will bring you closer to making the decision to quit for good.

1 - Understand the "structural model of AVRT" and that becoming dependent upon alcohol is a sign of a healthy body.
2 - Understand that drinking some more has a huge moral aspect to it, as spelled out in "The Art of AVRT".
3 - Understand how uncomplicated it really is to make the decision "I will never drink again." The Big Plan of AVRT.

Life is short and the assault of pleasure that leads to chemically enhanced stupidity is a minuscule experience compared to the vast array of experiences we know we can achieve without drinking.

Dalek

AVRT isn't going to work very well with "take a couple of weeks off," it has to be permanent. Have you read through the AVRT discussions on here? There is lots of information on there that either isn't in the book, or is explained a little differently. If that is still what you want to use, perhaps it might help to read them.

I do know that once we cross a certain point, there's no going back, because your body is never going to forget that sensate signature of the pleasurable effect produced by alcohol. It doesn't matter how many other activities you engage in, it still will never forget what that buzz feels like. It will be etched in your brain forever, and you just have to forsake that one single artificial pleasure.

I don't really know how to get you to that "never again" point, except to tell you to take a very good hard look at what the drink is doing to you and to others. Is it really worth it for a temporary buzz? It might also help to look at the moral aspect, as GerardTwine suggests. If you do things while drunk that you consider wrong for you to do, then the cause (drinking) must also be wrong, no? If you can look at drinking this way, it can really go a long way.

wonderfullife

Thanks for your words. I am taking them to heart, and trying to keep nudging myself further along this path. I do feel that deep down something is beginning to take root. I appreciate your continued support. Its nice to finally work with everyone here. I have read AVRT online. Got some decent results but my heart was not into it yet. I have a feeling that my heart is coming online finally with what my brain is capable of doing. thanks again everyone.

kanamit

Do not mistake happiness for pleasure; they are two different things. Once you understand the structural model of addiction as GT mentioned you will see your Beast is putting everything you hold dear on the line to feel that buzz. It's not as good as it used to be, right? I'm willing to bet some days now, it doesn't even feel that good at all—and if it does, it doesn't last long.

Get yourself a copy of Rational Recovery: The New Cure.

wonderfullife

yes, I have noticed that the pleasure of it is going away. other than that initial rush, and a few hours after that, the negatives far outweigh the positives. I have really tried AVRT. At least the online course. However, after 15 years, the habit, the rush, the triggers just seem to win out at that 4pm hour when I am driving home alone. I think AVRT will be a very good tool. My problem is first getting a full committment going. Thats why I am so curious as to everyone's experiences on the first few days of there permanent abstinence. What changed in your mind/heart/soul, to just keep you looking down the recovery path and not look back. I'm frustrated with this taking up so much of my life, but I am more frustrated with the part of me that will feel the endorphan rush of the liquor store this weekend. I would love to say that I am not going to go, but I don't trust myself yet to say that.

GerandTwine

How do you feel about dissociating from the desire to drink and calling it your Addictive Voice coming from the Beast? Remember, this is all a sign of health, not of disease.

Along with the decreasing pleasure, you will have to give up that endorphin rush of KNOWING you are about to have alcohol in your system. Giving that up is a lot easier if you take the moral high ground and decide it is truly wrong for you to ever drink again. It might be like lawyers knowing they are officers of the court and that requires certain unbreakable rules of practice. Or a teacher not taking unfair or inappropriate advantage of a student. It's a moral imperative. What if you and your wife's positions regarding alcohol were reversed?

Another AVRT exercise is to explode the myth that one can "not trust myself".

Also, in my experience, it really isn't hard to quit for several weeks or a month, especially for a binge drinker like I was.