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Windblown 03-23-2012 08:26 PM

Alcohol abuse vs alcohol dependence
For a long time I thought I was an alcoholic. But I never related to the addiction or dependence part. Today I would say I was a situational alcohol abuser. I have never wanted to drink every day. I have gone years, months on end without a beer. Even when I was in my teens I remember thinking....this is just gross and stupid...I'm going to lay off for awhile. I have married three alcoholics. My son is an addict. They can not stop doing it. It is so sad to see something take over their whole lives and they can't see it. I don't want to drink because sometimes when I do I say things I don't mean or I act silly and I don't feel good about it the next day. I have not found too many people like me. I went to a counsellor for problems with issues regarding my spouse and son. She happened to be also a drug and alcohol counsellor with 30 years experience. She wanted my whole drinking history and I gave it to her and she said I was not alcoholic but that I abused alcohol. So I wonder if I should never drink again. Although sometimes I have only two or three beers and it is relaxing. Other times, I have six and feel bad the next day. But to continue doing it when it makes me feel bad is not appealing. So I abstain...sometimes weeks, months and years. Is this a place where there are people like me who aren't actually addicted to alcohol but nonetheless...would prefer to leave it alone and may need someone to talk to?

m1k3 03-24-2012 05:40 AM

Greetings, I am in the same boat. I had an alcoholic father, in the process of divorcing my wife of 36 years who is alcoholic. I occasionally binge drink and also would go months and years without drinking.

When I separated from my wife I decided I didn't have to watch my drinking any more, it wasn't my problem. What I found myself starting to do was drink every day and some of those days I drank more than others. Nothing like the benders my wife would pull though.

I just reached the point where I thought if I don't quit now I am going to end up having problems in the future. So reading the AVRT threads in this forum I decided to make a big plan and just quit. I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.

I have to admit that so far (2 weeks) that the program works very well and I almost never think about drinking and when I do I recognize those thoughts as what they are and detach from them. In my case I found quitting tobacco to be much more difficult but the fact that I have used this type of process in the past to quit an addictive drug may be a big part of it.

IMO I find quitting too be much easier than sitting around fussing over when and how much is acceptable.

Your friend,

GrowingDaily 03-26-2012 04:39 PM

I don't see the point in making the distinction. My only concern is if alcohol has caused me problems. And looking back, it most certainly has. At the very best it didn't help. That alone is enough reason for me to leave it behind for good.

Windblown 03-26-2012 10:05 PM

5 days off of alcohol. It is so easy to quit. I feel so much better. I just can not live in the same house as an active alcoholic/addict. I am tired of my spouses lies, manipulations and possible infidelity. If he doesn't clean it up, I'm leaving. It has been a year since he relapsed. I have stayed off of alcohol for most of the year but eventually I cave and join in for a couple weeks and it's never a happy ending. Tonight he told me he was going to try to quit drugs and alcohol but he was going to do it HIS way. Whatever. I am quitting and I am going to live in a sober house. If his way of quitting involves a lot of half attempts, bs, and drawn out relapses...I'm divorcing him. He's got about two weeks. No ultimatums given. Talked to him long enough. I have
been patient long enough. I deserve a happy life and I'm going to have one and I hope he does get sober but if he doesn't I sure as heck am and I am moving on and I not afraid of being alone anymore. I am angry...but I have hope...for myself....and I am done with the demon alcohol...and that man.

m1k3 03-27-2012 04:46 AM

Wind blown, please check out the friends and family section of this forum. I have been reading and posting there for about a year and it has been a huge help for me. I hope to see you there.

Your friend,

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