Is ambivalence addiction
 

Need some help and advice. Just received the RR book, so far so good, totally relate to his thoughts and experiences In the beginning with regard to AA. I am not here to knock AA I know many people who it has helped and good for them, but for me, it didn't work. My drinking is a lot better, I can do weeks of abstinence then suddenly it comes upon me, "yes, I could fancy a couple of wines" just as described the beast talking but I still find I cannot quit completely, is this ambivalence addiction and do I have to put into place extra effort and extreme willpower, need some advice, but will not stop trying.

My advice:

Finish reading the book in the next couple of days and read through all of the AVRT threads. Then, read the book once more, paying close attention to the exercises. To answer your first question, though, if you want to quit but find it difficult to do so, you are probably addicted.

Ambivalence for me means that I haven't fully decided that I want to quit drugging. Its like on one hand I want to stop and on the other I don't want to stop.

Here's a recovery tool that can help you get past ambivalence: COST/BENEFIT ANALYSIS, Four Questions About My Addiction

I loved the cost benefit analysis. I always knew the costs were much greater, but it was the first place I ever got to express the idea that my drugs did something I liked. And so it was the real starting point in untangling my brain and trying to figure out how to stop. It feels like I quit a million times, before I really quit. This process would have gone on much longer I think if I hadn't been able to simply acknowledge that the reason I kept doing drugs was that I liked some of the results. Just repeating to myself that drugs were bad was ineffective because it wasn't true and it didn't address the reasons I liked them.

I experienced the same thing. Out of the blue, it seemed, I would allow myself a couple of drinks and the whole cycle would start again. Based on everything I've read and actually lived, this is addiction.

The SMART articles helped me a lot. Watching my thoughts made me realize that it's not so out of the blue. There were these patterns of automatic thoughts and behaviors which would override any reason when the thought of "just one" came up. That's where I had to focus my effort.

For me, the most helpful was to change my routines and be extra watchful of my thoughts. But I had stop struggling and accept the addiction first.

Tomorrow I will attend an AA meeting for the 6th time this week. AA is one of the important reasons I am 1 year 6 months sober. The fellowship of AA is what works for me, the program not so much. However I am work step 4 and I discovered ambivalence, is my biggest character defect. I have rarely set goals or made commitments for the majority of my life. Now I wonder, am I "addicted" to ambivalence? Thanks for the thread.