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checkmate1 10-21-2011 08:14 AM

sometimes I wonder where I'm heading.
6 months sober tomorrow. Everything about sobriety feels right. I just wonder where my life ambition is.....I've looked hard in every direction yet I feel lost and feel unsatisfied with life mainly because I feel like I'm in trouble all the time with my old man. Is this it. Although I'm sober I feel like I'm not doing enough to make everyone happy. I still feel like I'm going off the rails and probably is inevitable. I do my best but only find solace in punk rock music if I don't have it and hold on tight I'm going to lose the plot. My gut instinct tells me I'm right and happy at how things are going but some other peoples attitude to me is that I'm not doing the best I can in life. This is what I mean when I talk about going off the rails. Can my view of things be so different to those of my father? I love him so much and aim to please him but just can't. I feel this is going to destroy me. What do I do? Help? How can you win drunk or sober he's still not happy.

Who is right???

LaFemme 10-21-2011 08:19 PM

Hey Mate!

You can't base your happiness on other people, including your father. This is somethin I have learned the hard way (but for me it's my Mom).

You need boundaries and to figure out what makes your heart lift. I needed help with that because I had buried my own desires for decades.

Congrats on 6 months!

azureseas 10-21-2011 10:22 PM

Congrats. I'm finding the Oprah life class pretty helpful
take a look at the notes on You’re Responsible For Your Life
There is a bunch of great info on her website
Oprah's Lifeclass Classes - OWN TV

Oprah’s Lifeclass’ are filling up my life with lessons and I’m realizing that I need some time to let them soak in. Tonight class was about your energy, other people’s’ energy and ultimately, taking responsibility for your OWN life. Amazing lessons to process. What kind of energy do you bring into the world? How often does your mood impact the others around you? You have the power…and now, you have the notes too. Here are the notes from tonight’s class…

* You are responsible for your OWN life. – If anything is going to move forward in your life, you are going to have to be responsible for making that happen.
* If you are sitting around waiting for anyone to save you, to fix you, to even help you, you are wasting your time because only you have the power to take responsibility to move your life forward. The sooner you get that, the sooner your life gets into gear.
* It does not matter where you come from. What matters is now and your willingness to see this moment for what it is. Except it, forgive the past, take responsibility and move forward.
* Case study – Paula Dean. A woman who has been able to take charge of herself. Went from $200 to $20 million dollars. “I made a commitment to work and God blessed it… I did not have the vision…what I wanted was to be able to go to the grocery store and for the check to not bounce.” All different levels of success. Paula took responsibility for her own life – having a dream for herself and surrendered it to that which is greater than yourself. Paula was also agoraphobic – afraid to leave the house. For over 20 years ,Paula barely left her home. After 20 years, Paula woke up one day and took her life back telling herself, “Paula, forget the things that you can’t change. Don’t get on an emotional roller-coaster…” ” When I accepted my death, I was able to start living again.” Rise to the very best self that you can be.
* Only you have the power to make your life what it’s meant to be. - I accept responsibility for what is going to happen to me and I am not relying on someone else for making it happen to me. What ever is necessary, I take full responsibility for making that happen for me.
* Everything in life is about energy. All of life is about energy. It’s about the energy that you’re putting out, you’re drawing to yourself energy everyday, based on the way you think about your life and the actions that you take in your life. Everybody is an energy field and because of your attitudes, your thinking, your actions, who you choose to be in the world – they all form your own field and your drawing into your field people who are like you, to remind you of who you are. to show you who you are, to reflect back to yourself who you are. Believe that or not, that is what is happening all the time. It does not require your belief. IT JUST IS...
(notes from: Oprah’s LifeClass)

simian66 10-22-2011 02:20 AM

Two and a half years on, after a quarter of a century abuse, and I'm still "don't know what to do with my life". My Dad too raised the bar so high. It really screwed me up! I just do what makes me happy now. Some days are good- some are bad. But when I was drugged out, they all were the same.

Music is a great thing! Some days I need to crank the old punk tunes too. May I suggest:

In G*d we Trust- DK's... maybe The Hammer Party- Big Black... or some Rudimentary Peni. That usually does the trick for me. And turn it UP!

I'm not too worried anymore about what I'm going to be when I grow up. I'll probably be dead by the time I work it out. If I think too much about the past or the future, I come to a standstill. Besides, there is "No Future", as Mr Rotten once said!
[insert PuNk smiley here]

BennyHill 10-22-2011 04:45 PM


Congrats on 6 months sober, you should be proud of that!

Stay true to yourself, you will find YOUR way. If that means dissapointing people along the way, then so be it. Live life for you, not for others.
Love should be unconditional, your old man will still love you whatever path you go down. Just stay sober!

Good luck!

checkmate1 10-28-2011 12:14 AM

It would have been good to read these responses earlier but back on beer and marijuarna at the moment. That's all I got sorry.

FT 10-28-2011 08:18 AM

Hey checkmate,

It's not too late to stop that crap.


Lionne 11-04-2011 04:27 AM

Hey checkmate,
You can still stop. This doesn't solve anything, and in addition to being upset over never getting your father's approval, you will probably feel like crap about yourself afterwards. yes, drinking and smoking weed may numb things out, but does it make them go away? No.
Pick yourself up again, mate. You're into hardcore, from what I read in your posts (me too, but not excluisively, for the past 15 years. I'm so old :P ), and much of the message of the music is to take responsibilty for your own fate, be accountable and stay with your principles even if there's crap and negative circumstances going on around you. You will have a hard time finding out what's your own path drunk and stoned. You can live without this crap, and you'll need a clear mind find your own way to live your life. Sober. Please try again, you can still do this, and it's totally worth it.
Peace, Lionne

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