The People You DO Have to Explain Your Abstinence To
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Dee74 
^Good point
Because alcohol had been such an All Important Big Thing in my life for so many years,I guess I assumed it was the same for everyone else...
when I quit I definitely felt I *owed* people an explanation...I used to think about what I'd say and plan it our in detail...
Of course I eventually realised I was essentially talking to myself...most people's eyes used to glaze over....
What I do or don't so is just not a big deal to a heck of a lot of people.
D
Because alcohol had been such an All Important Big Thing in my life for so many years,I guess I assumed it was the same for everyone else...
when I quit I definitely felt I *owed* people an explanation...I used to think about what I'd say and plan it our in detail...
Of course I eventually realised I was essentially talking to myself...most people's eyes used to glaze over....
What I do or don't so is just not a big deal to a heck of a lot of people.
D
wow I was just talking with my therapist about this yesterday. since I've quit I noticed that I spend A LOT of time thinking hypothetically about what I'd say to certain people when pressured to drink. it seems that I've become preoccupied with it lately even though in reality I rarely have to explain myself to people because it doesn't come up that often.
| The Following User Says Thank You to Wookie85 For This Useful Post: | PaperDolls (07-05-2012)
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Ooh boy I can relate to this, my family is a big drinking culture as well. So if and whenever I have quit I stress out over telling them if we're to be socializing. Anymore as we get older we haven't been seeing each other as much, though as I feel better I would like to make an effort to change that. Anyway. It almost seems like they approve more if I DO drink. That it makes them uncomfortable to acknowledge drinking may be a major issue. Much less the A word. ALCOHOLIC. So I usually end up not mentioning it unless I have to and then in such a way that it's about ME and I try very hard not to cast aspersions however inadvertently. When much younger I told them they were alcoholics and needed AA, well that was an extremely bad idea though at the time I thought I was "just being honest". It's tricky! I would probably go with
taking a break for health, reevaluating my own drinking sort of a stance.
Good luck!
taking a break for health, reevaluating my own drinking sort of a stance.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 10
I've quit drinking for very long periods in the past, and I guess I was lucky that I never had anyone ask why I wasn't drinking. I've never been much of a social drinker, so there were probably people who thought I was a teetotaler. In any case, if I'm ever offered a drink--and I'm sure I will be--I just plan on declining and not providing a reason. My friends know better than to pry ;-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,179
I say a tame version of the truth...
I got to a point where I thought I was drinking too often and too much...so I decided to take a break. At first my plan was for a one month break but that month soon doubled and doubled again an now a full year later I think I may never drink again. I don't worry too much about it and neither should you.
I got to a point where I thought I was drinking too often and too much...so I decided to take a break. At first my plan was for a one month break but that month soon doubled and doubled again an now a full year later I think I may never drink again. I don't worry too much about it and neither should you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 113
okay i'm sorry i've not read this entire thread because, i'm only here because it's been a year (+2 days, whatever) and i'm here to see how my old friends are, anyway basically what i found was that if anyone asks you to explain your abstinance, turn the tables and ask them to explain their use of alcohol - seriously, try it.
"oh debs, can i get you a champagne?"
"no thanks, i've got a water, i'm good with this"
"oh, i thought you liked a drink?"
"oh, well that's nice of you - i'm okay, now do you NEED another drink before we carry on?"
~
"hi debs - would you like a drink?"
"water please - do you have ice and lemon?"
"what, nothing harder - go on, we've all got some XXX"
"no, just water, i - "
"so, what - you can't even have just one glass of wine now? are you in aa?!"
"whoa, so sorry person-name - i didn't realise you had a problem. if you want to talk later, i'm here - but, for now, i'll be really fine with just water
~
and so on.
this isn't me being mean, it's because imo the people who are the pushiest, are the ones with the problems.
"oh debs, can i get you a champagne?"
"no thanks, i've got a water, i'm good with this"
"oh, i thought you liked a drink?"
"oh, well that's nice of you - i'm okay, now do you NEED another drink before we carry on?"
~
"hi debs - would you like a drink?"
"water please - do you have ice and lemon?"
"what, nothing harder - go on, we've all got some XXX"
"no, just water, i - "
"so, what - you can't even have just one glass of wine now? are you in aa?!"
"whoa, so sorry person-name - i didn't realise you had a problem. if you want to talk later, i'm here - but, for now, i'll be really fine with just water
~
and so on.
this isn't me being mean, it's because imo the people who are the pushiest, are the ones with the problems.
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