Please let me introduce myself...
 

Hello,

My name is AlaskaGirl.

My drinking is completely out of control.

I have been drinking to the point of black out 4 out of 7 days a week for months now. My drinking has been progressive for years, I am able to drink more and more and more all the time.

I am ashamed.

I am ready to change.

I will be reading here and trying to learn from you all.

Right now my brain is foggy from 3/4ths of a pint of vodka I drank last night.

My eyes are swollen from drink and crying. My body hurts.

My 16 year old daughter called me out for drinking last night, I can't hide it anymore.

I am ready to start this journey, but I will need help. I hope to get to know you all in the days and weeks to come, and look forward to the day that I can offer support to others. Right now I am asking for support from all of you.

I am scared.

Hi AlaskaGirl,

Do NOT try to do this alone. You likely need to DETOX in a facility. Your level of drinking does NOT qualify you to do this alone, NO cold turkey for you.

You risk having seizures, and possible death, during detox. Detox can be done SAFELY under medical supervision.

Please go to your doctor or an urgent care place now. If you can't get in, go to your closest emergency room and ask for help.

This is urgent, dear. This is not a case for an on line forum to help you.

When you are done with detox, please come back here and ask for support for your continued recovery.

Take care!

FT

Hi, welcome! Keep us posted on how you're doing :)

Welcome AlaskaGirl! I've found the Secular Connections part of this site to be very informative and supportive. I hope you find the way out of your addiction soon! It can be very tough to get out, but also very much worth it!! :welcome

I wish the best of luck to you. And don't leave us, you need support and people to talk to who understand your situation. Don't give up on yourself, you can get better, I know it. It takes change, support and time, but you don't have to stay this way. It's hard, I'm struggling with it too, but I won't give up hope. I know I can get better, but it's in MY hands. You need help from others but YOU are the deciding factor in whether you get better or not.

AlaskaGirl,

Welcome. Please follow that first advice to get medical assistance with your detox. We want you here safely.

But when you're done with medical detox, come back to us here. What you're about to do is difficult and terrifying. But we'll be here to talk you through it. All of us have been at a place where we realized we had to stop, and it seems like an impossible task. But know that you CAN do it. We already care about you here, because we know how hard this was for us.

Take care, and I look forward to hearing from you here in the future.

Hi AlaskaGirl,

If you're in Alaska, I'm just south of the panhandle, on BC's north coast :)

I stepped off the oneway slope of alcoholism at exactly the point you are at right now. I was so afraid what would happen if I stopped, and couldn't for the life of me even comprehend how I could go one week without drinking.

Just remember...one equals many.

It really does get easier the longer you stay sober. At 15 months I still get the odd intrusive drinking thoughts, but they are soooo easy to shrug off now!

Keep coming back here several times a day. Participate. Learn. Educate yourself about how the alcohol has changed your brain, and how sobriety will allow it to return to its natural balanced state.

Nothing truly worthwhile is ever easy, and this just might be the most important endeavour of your life. Stay with us, okay?

Murray

http://www.mazeguy.net/happy/wave.gif Welcome to the secular side of SoberRecovery.com.

I hope you will detox safely as suggested by others on this thread. And welcome to addiction treatment where life can get a lot better with sobriety.

Hello All,

Thanks for your responses. I didn't respond yesterday because I was a little thrown by the idea that I would need medical detox. While I realize that I have a major problem with liquor, I would never have thought of it in those terms. I feel that my problem is after I have that first drink, not after I have stopped for a few days. It isn't unusual for me to stop drinking for as much as a week at a time, mostly because I am trying to diet. I have never thought twice about detoxing being hard on my body.

I read in another forum that people here are very careful of giving medical advice, so I went searching the net for withdrawl information. I read that symptoms can occur as soon as 6-10 hours after your last drink, but they may not start until 48 hours. It's been about 40 hours since my last drink. I absolutely don't want to be dismissive, but if I am still feeling OK tomorrow I should be OK, right?

Thanks for your post Murray, 15 months is a major accomplishment! You are inspiring. Last night without drinking wasn't hard, because I wasn't feeling well from the night before. I am going to go read more on the brain chemistry is an alchoholic and start arming myself for the inevitable twinge that tells me I feel fine and I should be able to have one or two drinks tonight...

Hi AlaskaGirl,

You are right about the medical advice. I would warn you though, that in general, you can't consider yourself safe by 48 hours. It takes a few days for the DT's to hit, which is the part that can be fatal.

I would suggest you read some things, but more strongly still, I would suggest you talk to your doctor. The level of drinking you describe is truly frightening.

Here's one place to start reading, which I think is a reliable source:

Alcohol Withdrawal - Alcohol Withdrawal Symptoms Can Make It Hard to Quit Drinking

I have medical journal article resources, but the one above is pretty good.

We ALWAYS recommend consulting your own private physician. Please don't take chances with your health. It isn't worth it, and your family is not equipped to render first aid to you if you go into severe alcohol withdrawal.

Please stay in touch and let us know how you are.

FT

Well, I was a little surprised too that everyone wanted you to go to a hospital. I know this isn't a p*ssing contest, but when I drank vodka I was drinking about 3/4ths of a liter of Smirnoff (yes, I drank crap vodka!) daily and almost always detoxed at home. The first 2 days are always awful for me, but after that it usually gets easier. 3/4ths of a pint doesn't strike me as something that would give anyone DTs 2 days later, but I am no medical doctor and am the last person anyone should trust about this stuff since I almost always detox at home and probably shouldn't.

Anyhow, welcome to the forum! What interests you in secular sobriety?

Yeah, I didn't go to a doctor or hospital either. There's always that part of your brain that says, "Oh, I'm not THAT bad!" so I can understand why it's so highly suggested on these forums...no one ever wants to volunteer for that kind of thing. When I very first quit drinking, I thought detox was like in college...when you call 911 because someone drank too much at a party and they needed to get their stomach pumped. lol

I'm not saying it isn't needed though either, just depends on your body and your drinking...I thought there was a quiz I saw somewhere once about whether you should detox at home or with a doctor...hmmmm

This is the part that made me think consulting a doctor would be a good idea, more than the 3/4 pint the day before. It's nothing to brag about but there were times I did 3/4 pint and remembered it (regrettably) so to me drinking to black out, especially that often, could be a much more dire situation. It's different for everyone. Even if the doctor says you are ok to detox at home, what's the downside of asking for help here? Better safe than sorry.

:)

Yes, I can't disagree with that Gneiss!

AlaskaGirl, I am glad to see you here, where you will hear a variety of experiences with getting sober. You seem to realize that you have mixed feelings about drinking, part of you knows you need to stop (call it A), and part of you 'needs' that buzz (call it B) and wants you to continue drinking.

The folks in this forum feel that the way to sobriety is to strengthen and empower A, and to separate yourself from B, as opposed to admitting that A is powerless over B.

You have made the first step by deciding that you are ready to change and that your drinking must stop. What is your next step going to be? Can you make your plan about drinking alcohol now? Now is a good time to make your plan, and in a way, now is the only time you will ever make that plan.

The first few days will be a tangle as your body reacts to no more alcohol, but after that, each day will become brighter and easier. Stop drinking, and we will help you.

You guys are terrific. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

To be honest about why I am in this forum, I posted in the newbies forum that I wasn't interested in AA. They pointed me here. The reasons I am not interested in AA are more pointed to the fact that I live in a very small town and have a high profile job, not that I disagreed with the philosophies.

That said, this quote from Freshstart really interests me: "The folks in this forum feel that the way to sobriety is to strengthen and empower A, and to separate yourself from B, as opposed to admitting that A is powerless over B."

This is where I am at right now... I got a little freaked out yesterday about the possibility of having a seizure. I let that be an excuse to buy another pint and drink a little less than 1/3 of it last night. I did take a huge step though. I told my husband I have a problem. I have never talked to anyone in my real life about this, especially not him because he comes from an alchoholic family and has ZERO tolerance for it.

We are not in a good place in our marriage, the aftermath of an affair he had with my best friend. He is trying to convince me to give him another chance, so he took my admission a lot better than he normally would have. He basically told me to quit drinking for a month to see if I could do it. If I couldn't, I need to get help.

I have a friend that I don't see very often that is very open about the fact that she is a sober alchoholic, has been for many years. I think I am going to contact her and talk to her about my options for seeking sobriety. Just the fact that I am reading so much about what alchohol does to your body is huge for me. I have had my head in the sand for a long time.

Thank you all again. This is a turning point in my life. The time is now.

Wow, you are really at a turning point! It sounds like you have a lot going on with your marriage as well as exploring how it is you go about quitting while also reacting to the issues you encounter to quitting.

If you do not feel comfy with AA, there is something called SMART Recovery that also has meetings (just not as frequently). Mine are held a few towns over so I don't run much risk of anyone I know seeing me there.

The thread on AVRT (here, on this board) has been really helpful to me. I don't subscribe to one philosophy wholly, but the concept of separating the addictive voice (the voice that told you that you could have a seizure so to go drink, for example) from the real you (the person who wants to quit) has been a very useful tool for me in dealing with thoughts to drink.

Stick around!

Hi AlaskaGirl,

Gneiss totally nailed it as to the reason I felt you should see a doctor for detox. It isn't only the AMOUNT of alcohol you ingest, it is your response to it. Drinking to the point of blackout means a LOT of alcohol for some, but less for others. Either way, it is a sign that toxicity has been reached.

Do be careful. And do something now. You are wise to listen to the people here who have nothing to gain or lose by telling you like it is.

Keep up posted on your progress!

FT

Welcome, AlaskaGirl!

Congrats on your choice to sober up, and best wishes in your recovery!