How did you "find" whatever type of secular sobriety you use?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 21
I'm new here, would describe my recovery as self-managed and eclectic because i have used online secular sobriety forums and mailing lists, had therapy and continue to use CBT techniques. Interested to hear and learn from others doing the same thing.
Never settle.
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Trial and error, white knuckling it, and making a whole lot of mistakes.
So it's not the most efficient way of quitting, given that I kept using after I "quit" for a while. It was like I had to learn how to do it, how to get over those humps. For some reason 5 weeks clean and sober was a big hurdle for me, one I tripped on many times.
I have no program. I babble here, a lot of times just to get stressful things out of my head (I have a tendency to obsess, but if I write it out it quits bothering me). I continue to find different ways of thinking that aren't beating myself down. I definitely have trouble with that one, I suppose I always might (oh look! There it is in the last bit of that sentence: I'll never get it quite right). I think it's Rational Recovery that I have borrowed from here and there, that makes lots of sense to me. But I prefer to keep it informal, just suits me better.
So it's not the most efficient way of quitting, given that I kept using after I "quit" for a while. It was like I had to learn how to do it, how to get over those humps. For some reason 5 weeks clean and sober was a big hurdle for me, one I tripped on many times.
I have no program. I babble here, a lot of times just to get stressful things out of my head (I have a tendency to obsess, but if I write it out it quits bothering me). I continue to find different ways of thinking that aren't beating myself down. I definitely have trouble with that one, I suppose I always might (oh look! There it is in the last bit of that sentence: I'll never get it quite right). I think it's Rational Recovery that I have borrowed from here and there, that makes lots of sense to me. But I prefer to keep it informal, just suits me better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 21
The first thing I did was to pay attention to establishing better sleeping and eating patterns, exercise and getting outdoors more. Then i began to research alcoholism and recovery, found out what was happening in the theory and what seemed to be working for many people.
What helped me personally in the first year was the therapeutic alliance with a skilled and supportive therapist who helped me work on emotional regulation.
I went online and found various secular sobriety forums and thought about what seemed to work for others. I found hiking groups in my neighbourhood and made sure I had activities in the evenings so that I was not home alone, enlisted the support of close friends who helped me cope with social events where liquor was served. I never kept alcohol in the house and asked friends not to drink in front of me for the first few months. After that the reactivity lessened and I could deal with being out with drinkers from time to time.
I thought a great deal about the down-to-earth self-care practices that would enable me to get more balance and live a more healthy life. made some changes and gradually the desire to drink went away for perhaps 90% of the time. I could talk myself out of fleeting urges.
Not rocket science.
What helped me personally in the first year was the therapeutic alliance with a skilled and supportive therapist who helped me work on emotional regulation.
I went online and found various secular sobriety forums and thought about what seemed to work for others. I found hiking groups in my neighbourhood and made sure I had activities in the evenings so that I was not home alone, enlisted the support of close friends who helped me cope with social events where liquor was served. I never kept alcohol in the house and asked friends not to drink in front of me for the first few months. After that the reactivity lessened and I could deal with being out with drinkers from time to time.
I thought a great deal about the down-to-earth self-care practices that would enable me to get more balance and live a more healthy life. made some changes and gradually the desire to drink went away for perhaps 90% of the time. I could talk myself out of fleeting urges.
Not rocket science.
Last edited by Louisa5073; 09-19-2011 at 05:52 AM. Reason: typo errors
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 83
A decade ago I spent 9 months in rehab then 2 years in sober living for street drugs. It lasted until late 2009. Then I started using prescription opiates.
I knew the step program had failed me with drugs. I had successfully stopped smoking cigarettes with just a decision and a date on the calendar. So I knew in my brain and heart just stopping is very possible.
I mean hasn't each and every one of us heard of someone who just QUIT a serious addiction? It's more common than you would think.
A month ago I found myself in a bookstore looking for an alternative to the step program. I wanted other opinions. How do so many just stop and never look back while I am back at square one.
I discovered Rational Recovery. I read it. Spaced out my last few Norcos so I could have 9/11 as my last use date and I am 8 days in and feeling great. I also read this board a lot. Only started posting once I stopped using for fear of being judged on here if I was still using.
Thank you Rational Recovery! Thank you Soberrecovery! There are alternatives and choices in ending addiction.
I knew the step program had failed me with drugs. I had successfully stopped smoking cigarettes with just a decision and a date on the calendar. So I knew in my brain and heart just stopping is very possible.
I mean hasn't each and every one of us heard of someone who just QUIT a serious addiction? It's more common than you would think.
A month ago I found myself in a bookstore looking for an alternative to the step program. I wanted other opinions. How do so many just stop and never look back while I am back at square one.
I discovered Rational Recovery. I read it. Spaced out my last few Norcos so I could have 9/11 as my last use date and I am 8 days in and feeling great. I also read this board a lot. Only started posting once I stopped using for fear of being judged on here if I was still using.
Thank you Rational Recovery! Thank you Soberrecovery! There are alternatives and choices in ending addiction.
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Originally Posted by Louisa5073 
What helped me personally in the first year was the therapeutic alliance with a skilled and supportive therapist who helped me work on emotional regulation.
I recall mentioning this at an agnostic AA meeting...woah, talk about icy stares, and all the people who followed me having something bad to say about therapy/therapists. It kinda freaked me out. I go to a few meetings, but it is more and more a personal thing for me, and I feel less need for a specific 'group' for recovery, as times passes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 21
When I looked for a skilled therapist in early sobriety, I wasn't concerned so much with someone who had experience working with alcoholics or addiction issues as someone who was open and receptive to new research and methodologies in recovery (neuroplasticity, CBT, understanding PAWS) and I brought articles to sessions which we could talk about together.
That helped ensure we were coming from the same place and I was not going to be subjected to a nset of borrowed assumptions about alcoholism and recovery. And when it came to trusting her with my struggles and confusion, I could be confident this was not somebody who would take advantage of me.
It is so important Husky to be self-protective and discriminating about any disclosures in early sobriety. many people are ignorant about or opposed to the idea of therapy and there is no point in speaking to them.
That helped ensure we were coming from the same place and I was not going to be subjected to a nset of borrowed assumptions about alcoholism and recovery. And when it came to trusting her with my struggles and confusion, I could be confident this was not somebody who would take advantage of me.
It is so important Husky to be self-protective and discriminating about any disclosures in early sobriety. many people are ignorant about or opposed to the idea of therapy and there is no point in speaking to them.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: albuquerque nm
Posts: 17
I have done alot of online research plus AA meetings. One of the things I was looking for was a way to actually become selfish instead of selfless. In order to get sober I needed to get a sense of importance, that I deserved to live. I have a background of abusive relationships and wanted to build my self esteme not deflate it. Otherwise I was "doomed" to fail. How was I going to get sober if I didnt even think I was important enough to pay attention to myself.
This being said, RR was like reading about a part of myself. I was already calling the addictive voice "the beast" in my head. It was driving me nuts.
I have gained a lot from RR and WFS. Charolette Kasl's book "Many Roads, One Journey, moving beyond the ** steps" was an absolute life saver for me.
Lots of reading on all of these websites. Also SOS, Secular Organizations for Recovery.
I have 9 months sober. Before that I had almost a year. I dont like getting bogged down too much with the "time" and dates. Its important but not what I want to focus on. I want to focus on today.
I gain a lot from other peoples experiences and really enjoyed this thread.
Thanks All,
Paulamarie
This being said, RR was like reading about a part of myself. I was already calling the addictive voice "the beast" in my head. It was driving me nuts.
I have gained a lot from RR and WFS. Charolette Kasl's book "Many Roads, One Journey, moving beyond the ** steps" was an absolute life saver for me.
Lots of reading on all of these websites. Also SOS, Secular Organizations for Recovery.
I have 9 months sober. Before that I had almost a year. I dont like getting bogged down too much with the "time" and dates. Its important but not what I want to focus on. I want to focus on today.
I gain a lot from other peoples experiences and really enjoyed this thread.
Thanks All,
Paulamarie
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,949
Welcome paulamarie to SoberRecovery.com and to Secular Connections.
That was one of the first books I read newly in addiction treatment.
Great read and so true as the book gave me a great perspective as I went to ** meetings.
Charolette Kasl's book "Many Roads, One Journey, moving beyond the ** steps
Great read and so true as the book gave me a great perspective as I went to ** meetings.
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