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Focusing on a Negative??

Old 05-30-2011, 09:20 PM
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Focusing on a Negative??

I coach and have played many sports, and I have been fairly successful. One thing I have noticed is if we focus on a negative the outcome is almost always negative.

If I have a player get up to bat or in the past when I got up to bat if i say to myself "I don't want to strike out", normally the player, or myself will strike out. If I am golfing on a hole that has a lake or a pond on it and I say to myself, "don't hit it in the water", 9 times out of 10 my ball will end up wet.

Our brains only focus on "want to strikeout", and "hit it in the water". And when we focus on a negative more than likely that negative thing will occur.

Is it any wonder why are brain continues to get certain messages when we say, "I don't want to drink",or "I don't want to be a drunk"?

Thoughts?
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Old 05-31-2011, 02:06 AM
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I like it! I try to be mindful of saying things in a positive way, as opposed to using 'not'. The mind cannot visualize 'not', so if we say 'not', we visualize the exact thing we are hoping that we don't do.

I do notice a difference in myself if I think, "I want to be sober" versus "I don't want to drink." Just the word sober makes me think of a good feeling in my body and aligning with my values/purpose. My energy decreases as I think, "I don't want to drink."

I'm glad you posted about it. I'll be more mindful of how I phrase it to myself.
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Old 05-31-2011, 02:12 AM
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I agree, and I have seen a great book the Law of Attraction that addresses this. I am also mindful of how I conduct my inner dialouge - thanks Supercrew for the reminder!.
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Old 05-31-2011, 06:58 AM
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I always felt a negative connotation to the term "alcoholic", saying that I'm an alcoholic made me feel bad and it was as if I had no control over it and I didn't want to feel bad nor powerless. By changing my words to "I don't drink" I changed my thought process and this empowered me that it is my choice to not drink.
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Old 05-31-2011, 07:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Supercrew View Post
Is it any wonder why are brain continues to get certain messages when we say, "I don't want to drink",or "I don't want to be a drunk"?

Thoughts?
Positive thinking is very important, but much like gratitude, it's shown in our feet. Action must follow and be maintained.

I totally agree though, we need to focus on the positive, but while always remembering our past, lest we forget...

Kjell~
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Old 05-31-2011, 08:13 PM
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Totally agree! People who focus on the negative experience the negative and people who focus on positive experience the positive

I even try to keep that in mind about the weather.

That said I'm in day 2 of a funk....not sure why
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Old 05-31-2011, 09:41 PM
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Well I hope you are feeling better LF! I would also like to thank you regarding the personal life coach idea. I was doing some sales training last weekend and it really turned into a life coaching experience where I was able to work on my focus my purpose and my core values indepth for about 18 hours with 4 experts.

Just an awesome experience and has really changed my already positive outlook to just off the board excitement about life and the possibilities. I proabably wouldn't have done it without you mentioning it so thank you!!
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Old 06-01-2011, 07:56 PM
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I see what you are saying supercrew, it would be like turning the negative thought to a positive like "I love my new way of living!" or "Not drinking is wonderful, think I'll keep this up!"
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Old 06-01-2011, 09:13 PM
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Wow that sounds intense and awesome SC! Glad I could be of some inspiration

Funk has lifted...I reminded myself about living in gratitude and that being happy is a conscious decision...didn't hurt that I saw the man I like today suggestions on how to get a conversation going are appreciated...I've never done this sober
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Old 06-01-2011, 09:39 PM
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Come on LF!

All an attractive woman like yourself has to do is say "Hi", and I am sure you will have any man's attention. Plus you are already a sales person, (selling art), you know how to build rapport with clients. Smile, ask a question, and sincerely listen to the answer and off you will go!

Good luck, I want an update soon!
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Old 06-02-2011, 06:57 AM
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Another good topic SC. "Not" does not mean what we think it means, at least away from consciousness. It is easy for us to get lazy and think the 'not' means the opposite of something, but that is not the way we developed language. We developed sounds to represent things and abstractions. "Not" only signifies a lack of accuracy or precision, it does imply its converse. "Not a sabertooth tiger" does not mean "deer", anymore than "not striking out" means you got a hit.

I think your brain is always churning on the words in your mind whether you are conscious of that process or not. I don't believe that modifiers like "not" necessarily get processed correctly. I try to keep resolutions simple and positive: "See the ball, hit the ball..."
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Old 06-02-2011, 04:50 PM
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Thanks recycle. What I am finding is as soon as I start focusing on what I want or what I want to happen, with some action, it happens.

I was doing a little case study of my life, and when I focused on paying off all of my debt, then took daily action, it took an amazingly short amount of time. When I decided I want to lose weight, I focused on it, took daily action, and have lost a significant amount of weight. When I want to become happily sober, I focused on it, took daily action and here I am.

If I look back over these accomplishments I didn't really notice that I was using the same strategy each time.
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Old 06-02-2011, 08:13 PM
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Good point SC! For me it is helpful to start. With small successes and build from there.

Guy was not at the park tonight...will let you know when I see him although I think he is mmarried after I snooped today...I hate when men don't wear wedding bands!
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:17 PM
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I lost 2 bands in the first 5 years, and haven't worn one since. I am pretty sure I lost both while drinking.
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Old 06-02-2011, 11:03 PM
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Originally Posted by LaFemme View Post
People who focus on the negative experience the negative and people who focus on positive experience the positive
Wise words LaFemme

I'll add; People who hesitate too long are always left to wonder, "What if..."

Then you'll be doomed to live James Blunt's song 'Beautiful' forever more

Murray
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Old 06-03-2011, 12:57 AM
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Well I've been sober for 2 years now, something I just realized as I was about to type this. For a while I had to back off these forums because I felt like posting kept using at the front of my mind. Telling myself I don't want to use just kept using in my mind.

Now I'd like to stay clean, and it's a lot easier. Because when I think "I don't want to use" I remember what it was like to use. And I won't lie, I had a lot of fun when I was using. Now I think I'd like to stay clean/sober and that conjured up all the fun I've been having clean lately. So my experience is right in line with the rest of this thread.

Don't want to hijack the thread but... LaF, I know the feeling. Zero confidence, it was so easy to pick up men when I was drunk/high but then I question their motives. And now I'm clean and sober and no one is interested. *Sigh*
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Old 06-03-2011, 02:59 AM
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Attitude is everything, just look at a little kid, everything is new to them. It's all happy, happy, joy, joy to them as LaFemme has in her tagline above. Does anyone remember being a little kid and the anticpation you had on the night before Christmas and the excitement in opening your presents. (unless of course they turned out to be clothes).

Somewhere along the line we seem to lose that quality. Life seems to do that to you. That's why it's so important to try to keep a positive attitude and outlook. It takes work but it can be done. Happy!, Happy!, Joy!, Joy! to everyone!
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Old 06-03-2011, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Supercrew View Post
I lost 2 bands in the first 5 years, and haven't worn one since. I am pretty sure I lost both while drinking.
Then do us single gals a favor and have "Married" tattoed across your forehead!

:rotfxko

I have found myself to be much more sensitive to peoples negativity then when I was drinking...I have like zero tolerance for it now and it's getting worse.

It's like the Monty Python song "Always look on the Bright Side of Life!"
http://youtu.be/WlBiLNN1NhQ
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Old 06-03-2011, 11:02 PM
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Thanks LF, I took the last 1/2 hour to watch Monty Python clips and now the Lumber Jack song is stuck in my head!!

But looking on the bright side of life, I can't stop grinning!!
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Old 06-07-2011, 01:02 PM
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Here's an NLP training session on dealing with alcoholism, notice on how the focus is kept on the positive. I have to post the link to the thread because the board frowns on double posting. It's at the you tube link : http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2992929
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