Finally, No More Defending Myself
 

This is a great forum.
It is much better for me to be able use this forum for help and support w/out being told that I will fail if I don't give everything up to God and follow AA's 1 steps and attend AA meetings.

I am glad that those things work for other people, but they do not work for me at all, actually does me more harm than good.

This place is going to be very helpful for me and I want to thank everyone for posting.

Welcome Trish, I enjoy this forum also. It seems there is a freedom here for all belief systems that lacks in other places!

Welcome Trish! Hope we can be of help!

Welcome Trish, I really have not had a problem with relinquishing my will. There are things I cannot change or orchestrate, and to try to exert my will to do so damages myself and those around me. I can approach this experiential truth with equanimity, even serenity at times.

Where I struggle, and I know I shouldn’t, is with theists who posit god as an entity, and cannot help but want me to agree with them. I am glad their god looks out for them and smoothes out the universe for their personal benefit, I really am. For myself, I am at peace with a universe that does not have an orchestrating ego. Whether god is manifest or unmanifest the universe seems to run just fine. My resolve is not to struggle against this moment. This moment is exactly as it should be, because the universe is exactly as it should be. To struggle against this moment, is to struggle against the entire universe.

(Whoa...good coffee this morning)

Welcome Trish48. There is more than one way to recover from addiction. I hope you find one that works for you.

Thank you, that is music to my ears!

recycle, I almost suggested you re-read my post but instead I re-read yours-

"and cannot help but want me to agree with them" I agree with that!

LOL Dawg, I hope you read it before you got ticked off.

I don't get it

It's ok, Trish. Me neither. :)

Welcome to the Secular side. Buckle up!

I'ts OK Trish, stick around a while and your mind will be twisted as ours.

Yup! It can be a philosophical rollercoaster ride with sudden tangents of lunacy :D

Murray

But what a fun roller-coaster it is!

yep, recycle, it even made it to today for me.
i had to write it down about the universe and all.
wow!

I can totally relate Trish. I was waiting for "God" to remove my desire to drink and it wasn't happening. I would go to AA and get blasted for not attending enough meetings, not being spiritual enough etc. That just fed into my low self-esteem and made me want a drink to ease the uncomfortable feelings.

I can't tell you how many meetings sounded like a lecture about how you can't get sober unless you find God. It worked me up and made me so angry. I made the decision to drink so I can make the decision not to. I am powerless over the weather, the traffic, other people's actions and many other things, but I am not powerless over driving to the liquor store, buying liquor and putting it in my body.

I too am glad that it works for others but that is why there is chocolate and vanilla.

WOW! I totally relate! I always felt like I was never doing enough...not enough meetings, not enough phone calls to people in the program, not enough putting sobriety first even though exercise, work and nutrition are all important parts of my sobriety.

I actually think that my drinking patterns changed and became destructive after I started attending AA. And my self-esteem went in the toilet. This is a great group of open-minded folks who support whatever works for supporting sobriety and a new way of life without booze.

Well put. Before recovery sometimes I was powerless over not turning into the liqueur store. I'd wish the light would stay green so I could drive straight on. The obsession was stronger then my will power. After I started recovery I found I did have the power to not go to the liqueur store and the desire to drink slowly faded. How that happened I don't know? Hope that made sense. lol

For me, how it happened is my determination to stay sober became stronger than my desire to get drunk.