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Cutting out toxic people.

Old 01-01-2011, 03:22 PM
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Cutting out toxic people.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just to vent.

Anyways, quick backstory since I am new here, I am 25, been addicted to alcohol for at least 10 years, I think more. I know I am an adult and need to kick the booze (only been off the juice for 5 days), but I do blame my family partly for letting me drink so young (I remember drinking alcohol when I was 6), maybe I am wrong for it. Anyways my mom and I have a love/hate relationship, she thinks she is Jesus' gift to this world (I am not bashing Christians, but she is definitely the type that gives Christians a bad rap).

She completely brings me down, she tears me apart. She stressed me out so bad today, all I want to do is go buy a bottle of Jack and wash all the memories away for the night. Dh is here and going to make sure I stay sober and talking to me about all the crap that happened today, he knows how she is.

But, see where it gets hard and sticky is my daughter loves my mom and my mom treats her really good.

I want to distance myself from her, but I don't know how to without causing a huge family drama fest. And I don't know how I will deal with my daughter because she asks to see my mom everyday, she is 2 1/2 BTW.

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Old 01-01-2011, 05:01 PM
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On the off chance you want advice, here is something that helped me: Nothing anybody does is because of you. What others do is a projection of their own reality. Once I realized that, I turned it around and realized that nothing I do is because of somebody else. My actions and my decisions are my own. I am immune to the actions and opinions of others.

Good job on the 5 days Camaro. If you want to explore the above thought more, it came from don Miguel Ruiz' The Four Agreements. Despite the New Agey feel of the book, I highly recommend it.
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Old 01-01-2011, 05:06 PM
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Are we related? LOL My family's all about drama. I distanced myself from them. They hated it, there was drama. But I didn't involve myself and didn't let it concern me. Don't let anything stand between you and staying sober; if it's too much stress do what you need to do to take care of yourself. You can always cautiously edge back later when you can handle it.

And by the way, there's a line between taking responsibility for your actions and taking responsibility for someone else's actions. You are doing well. It's a true statement that your parents allowed you to drink and it contributes to your current drinking problem. There's nothing wrong with saying that, it's true. And to be fair to yourself you have to acknowledge that and not blame yourself for it. You're on the right track.

Good job on 5 days. Make it 6. Hugs, and welcome.
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Old 01-01-2011, 07:01 PM
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Welcome and congrats on 5 days

I agree with recycle and gneiss. I will add that getting to the point where one can accept their advice takes some work in My experience. I have a life coach who helps me profoundly. Do you have a plan to deal with stuff?
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Old 01-01-2011, 07:53 PM
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Good point LaF. It took me a long time and I really never thought about a plan, I winged it and it would have probably been easier on me to think ahead a little bit. But then I've survived 29 years on this Earth without planning or forethought, I'm sure not starting now

You can do it Camaro. Persistence is the key. Be persistent. Stay sober. And if you mess up be persistent about giving it another go.
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Old 01-01-2011, 08:20 PM
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I got lucky and stumbled onto a plan after 5 years of trying to wing it and failing....I don't recommend that approach
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Old 01-02-2011, 04:26 AM
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Breaking with my parents was very hard to do. I love them and miss them and the one time I see them a year is difficult because I worry about something happening to them and our not mending our fences, but they were not people that believed in me and who also intentionally did things to hurt me. I only want positive people in my life. I can go anywhere to be treated like ****.
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Old 01-02-2011, 08:26 PM
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My sister used to gripe at me that I was never home and didn't act like part of the family. My dad started agreeing with her, too. And finally one day I asked what exactly the requirements were to "act like a family member." Because as far as I could tell it was:

~Sit in a separate room from anyone else and interact as little as possible.
~Yell and scream constantly
~Never say anything positive
~Act like I'd rather not be around anyone in the house

So with those qualifications, why would I stay home? I found friends who acted like they wanted me around. Nothing wrong with that.
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