topspin

LF,
I started designing and building leaded glass commissions as a way to pay for college back in the late 70's. After a few years of the work/college/ work cycle, I realized leaded glass was what I really wanted to do anyway. Fast forward 10 years and found myself under extreme pressure from The State.

Lawyer, for six months, extending court dates for pending criminal drug charges, ongoing State and Federal tax investigations ; ....my drinking quickly accelerated to an all-day, everyday, seemingly, unending cycle . " Calming the nerves" and all.

As a rather naive Athiest ( in those days ) attending court ordered counseling,then AA, .. I clung on to sobriety like ......(add any metaphor ) I soon enough realized mental gymnastics would be a requirement for me in AA. When I'd hear; "take what you need and leave the rest", .....I took that literally!, (never mentioned , I was "leaving" most of "the rest" ((Lo))
Never mentioned I happened to be a Agnostic leaning Athiest either.

After a year in AA, I finally heard, for the first time, an "old-timer " mention he was a "skeptic" as he told his "story" in a speaker meeting. Whew!! .....that made two of us anyway.

Sobriety stuck; ....fear being a great motivator in the early days, and within 4 years I became more productive in glasswork than I would've imagined possible.

Having never experienced "relapse" .....I made a long-pondered, and what I thought was a thoughtful, calculated decision to drink moderately after almost 8 years of sobriety. Never considered it a "relapse". Then.

It took another 15 years with a few periods (early on ) of not drinking scattered in; ...for me to find myself beaten up enough to really, be able to get sober; ...again. I too , "lost my discipline" in those years, ...and eventually just quit working in glass altogether.

Now, almost 4 months sober, (while working a low pressure job ((sober)) I've grown to really enjoy);
... glasswork is beginning to feel, again, ...almost my destiny. It's the only thing I've ever been truly passionate about.

I've sworn off any commission work (to myself), but have started considering teaching again sometime next year.

LF, Please give yourself enough time to heal before you begin raising your (self) expectations, as it relates to your painting. In time, sobriety will bring a new vision, manifest in your work, you've never dreamed possible. Patience is your friend right now.

Take care, .....always enjoy the honesty in your posts.


Sorry for the ^ damn novella !! :-)

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Supercrew

I used to paint houses.....does that count as art? As a painter I did alot of drinking after sucking lacquer fumes all day!

But seriously I like the topic, and I have tried meditation, supplements and read a host of other info, but it wasn't to stop drinking, it was to try and moderate. None of them worked and all gave me a false sense of security and led me to over drinking again.

As far as stopping drinking, I have done something that I think I learned in a Tony Robbins course years ago. I found something that was very painful to me, moreso than a DUI, or a fight with the wife or a loss of friendship or job. It was the thought of embarrassing my son, and I have done what Tony Robbins called neuro association or something like that, where everytime I think about drinking, the pain associated with the thoughts of embarrassing my son are brought back up.

I didn't realize that this was what I was doing 30 days ago when I started it, because it happened by accident, but now everytime I think about the drink I try to imagine as real as possible the pain I have associated with that feeling. As I was thinking about this the other day I realized that it was a technique I had learned when trying to better my financial life 18 years ago. I think the key is find and association that is powerful enough to have a real mental impact on you.

As far as AA, I was forced to do about 52 meetings, and I learned from them and some were very interesting, but I didn't like the thought that I was powerless, and I am not very religious, bordering on atheist, and the whole 12 step thing and having to change as a person didn't seem right to me. (Although I have faults and I don't like the things I do when I am drunk), I still like the person that I am and I didn't need a spiritual awakening to quit drinking poison, even if it made me feel good.

shockozulu

Locking this thread. According to the Secular Connections description LaFemme, feel free to start a new thread discussing your secular recovery. I'm looking forward to reading it.

shockozulu

I was away when this thread opened.The rule on the forum is no talk of 12 Step programs. There are some people that will attaick these programs and some secular peeps (including me) that work both Secular and 12 Step programs. These attacks have caused folks working SMART/Rational Recovery/SOS with AA/NA to feel uncomfortable and leave. It also has given others an excuse to start arguments.

That is why the rule that says no posting about 12 Steps exists in Secular Connections.

Please know my PM box is open now and in the future if you ever have a question or clarification.


Alera