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Will try my post here...

Old 04-23-2010, 08:06 PM
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Will try my post here...

Im seeking to avoid any '12-step' responses, so I will see what kind of feedback I get here.

I quit drinking almost a year ago, and have been wishing I actually 'could' drink, but know it doesnt make things better.

High level of anxiety yesterday, had 3 sips of 'real beer' poured the rest down the sink.

A year ago, after 3 sips I would have a wave of calm come over me. Now, the exact opposite effect. It made me feel anxious, made me feel 'horrible' instead of 'good'. I dont want to feel that way. Hence the reason I poured the rest down the sink.

I have been having 1 to 2 N/A beers a week for the past few months will no ill effects. But I had three sips of a real beer and I dont even like the feeling anymore! It has the opposite effect it used to have on me.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Has anyone quit for about a year and then had a couple sips and then not even want it anymore?

Thanks for any constructive feedback.
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:21 PM
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I wont post 12 step stuff as you asked not to, let me share this with you though...

A good friend of mine had a similar experience, his after 18 months, had a couple thought the same as you and told everyone so...so another 4 months pass and at xmas had 2 NA beers with his brothers saying he didn't like the taste but didn't want his brothers to feel awkward...then another few months and back to drinking, then rehab, then back to drinking...

Thats the only one i know with a similar experience, doesn't have to be that way for you though...hes a good friend and i hope he finds his way!
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Old 04-23-2010, 08:39 PM
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thanks for the feedback yeahgr8,

I dont like the feeling, but do like the taste, hence the NA beers.
I just find it strange that it is having the opposite effect on me.

I dont see myself going back to drinking, my goal was to quit for about a year then try to be a light social drinker. But this experience has brought me to the conclusion that I (my body) doesn't even like alcohol which I find strange.

My general thought is that perhaps I dont want to drink at all, even socially/occasionally and I am just surprised and by my body's reaction.
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:05 PM
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Everytime I managed to quit for any significant amount of time and 'tested' myself again I absolutely HATED the taste, the effect, everything.

But I forced myself, cos thats what I did back then.

I was an idiot.

Pretty soon, and inevitably, I was back to the start....
Please be careful OBC

D
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:14 PM
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One of the physiological facts of addiction is that it re-wires your brain, such that even if you quit for long periods of time, starting again puts you right back where you left off. The good news is that sobriety re-wires things as well, just in a different (more meta) way.

My story is that I was sober from alcohol and drugs for more than fifteen years, then decided "what the hell", that I was OK to have a glass of wine with dinner on occasion. Two weeks later I was stumbling off a plane drunk. I didn't stop for another few months...

At this point, I treat it as poison. I LOVE the smell, taste and thought of it, and any taste would be wonderful. For a while.

I can say the with cigarettes, if I have one, it is really disgusting. But it wouldn't take long for me to get over it and get back to a pack a day.
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:30 PM
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thanks D and C
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Old 04-23-2010, 10:34 PM
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I didn't do this with alcohol, I've always enjoyed alcohol but drugs... absolutely. I'd think, "it's been a while, no harm in partying once." Two weeks later, hating myself and hating how I felt, and hating everything about the situation, I'd be at my dealer's house for the 6th or 7th time. After months away from it the taste when I smoked made me vomit and I'd do it anyway. Simply watching friends snort meth made me gag, but I'd grab a straw.

I have trouble with the social aspects of alcohol. A few weeks ago I attended a banquet with 350 people and I saw 4 who weren't drinking. It made me horribly self-conscious about not drinking, so I went to the bar and ordered a tonic water with lime so it looked like I was drinking. I really don't think anyone else cared but it made me feel a lot better.
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Old 04-24-2010, 05:42 AM
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You can "feel" 3 sips of beer? Like, really?
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Old 04-24-2010, 08:45 AM
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Hi otterbearcat

For myself, wishing that I could drink again means there is something going on with me. That is wishing I could drink is only a symptom of something else. Then its time to discover what that something else is. It could be that I am bored, anxious, discontent and stuff like that.

Good going on coming here to SR and seeking suggestions and support.
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Old 04-24-2010, 12:10 PM
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Hi, I've tried the "controlled" drinking thing and it kept bringing me back to the out of control drinking...I tried cutting down back in December, and ended up with a DUI in January...so for myself I know that no amount of alcohol is good or safe for me... I'm a day from 3 months and I've had thoughts that I missed drinking, but like Zen mentioned it's usually when I'm bored..anxious etc....Doing things that I truly enjoy keeps that stinkin' thinkin' at bay...

enjoy the day!!
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Old 04-24-2010, 05:10 PM
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Originally Posted by otterbearcat View Post
Im seeking to avoid any '12-step' responses, so I will see what kind of feedback I get here.

I quit drinking almost a year ago, and have been wishing I actually 'could' drink, but know it doesnt make things better.

High level of anxiety yesterday, had 3 sips of 'real beer' poured the rest down the sink.

A year ago, after 3 sips I would have a wave of calm come over me. Now, the exact opposite effect. It made me feel anxious, made me feel 'horrible' instead of 'good'. I dont want to feel that way. Hence the reason I poured the rest down the sink.

I have been having 1 to 2 N/A beers a week for the past few months will no ill effects. But I had three sips of a real beer and I dont even like the feeling anymore! It has the opposite effect it used to have on me.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Has anyone quit for about a year and then had a couple sips and then not even want it anymore?

Thanks for any constructive feedback.
You have a sort of contradictory thing going on here. You've been thinking you would like to drink, but when you do drink it's not pleasant.

And the idea that you had 3 sips of beer and a wave of contentment would come over you, which is now replaced by feeling anxious after 3 sips... that's straight up psychological. No way 3 sips of beer made you feel anything physically. It sounds like beer was something like a snuggle blanket, the psychological effects of having it - or not - were more important than getting drunk?? I'm an amateur, don't take my word for it.

Bottom line to me is you were thinking you'd like to drink, took a few swigs, didn't like what you felt. So don't do it.
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Old 04-24-2010, 07:11 PM
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Originally Posted by otterbearcat View Post
Has anyone quit for about a year and then had a couple sips and then not even want it anymore?
That happened to my father. He was a lifelong beer drinker until about a year before he died of a heart attack. He said beer just didn't taste good to him anymore. He said he wanted to drink, but he didn't like it when he opened the can.
I don't think he had any other health problems besides his heart disease and emphysema, but I was drinking heavy at the time and probably wasn't too observant. I did miss having a drinking buddy, though, and I was astonished the man who I saw put away up to a case a day for 30 years now no longer enjoyed a single drink.
Psychologically I can relate to the relief experienced after a swallow or two, or even before the can is opened. Earlier this month I decided to end a 4 day period of sobriety (mild withdrawal, anxiety & panic attacks, no DTs) I was positively giddy as I walked to the store. Calm and at peace for the first time in days, just knowing I would be drinking that night.
My spiral continues.


Congratulations on your sober time, I hope beer always tastes bad for you.
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Old 04-24-2010, 07:59 PM
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thanks for the replies.

Yes, I felt something, or at least I 'thought' I felt something, which for me is enough. Same as when I was drinking regularly, it only took three sips before my mind was 'at ease'.

Physically, I would get a sensation of tightening in my arms, it used to be a signal that calm was coming, last night it felt like anxiety.

Now that some of you have mentioned it, it does sound very 'in my head', which actually makes sense for me. I am the type of person whose headache starts to go away right after I swallow the ibuprofen, although it obviously doesn't actually work that fast.

@gneiss, I think you may have something there. I ritualistically said goodbye to any alcohol in my house last night. Had rum and gin in the closet for a year, (I was a beer drinker so it wasnt tempting), I took a swig of both and then poured the rest down the sink.

It took 9 months of being sober before I would go anywhere that alcohol was available because I didnt want to be in a situation where I 'couldnt' have something. But now that I dont even want it, then it is completely different.

I feel like I am choosing not to drink vs 'I cant drink'. Having it feel like a choice is empowering and is what will keep me from fooling myself into thinking that drinking will 'make it better', because after this amount of time. I know it wont.

@tj yeah, just counting down til 'happy hour' used to make me 'happy'. But I never really was happy, just thought I was, and nothing in that bottle ever made me happy, but I thought it did. It took a long time, about 4 to 5 months, before I could actually see that.

I hope you break out of your spiral.
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Old 04-24-2010, 08:07 PM
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oh yes...

@ zencat, it was something else.

I love your avatar btw.
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Old 06-05-2010, 06:00 AM
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i have stopped and started many times. i have tried controlled drinking and within time, iw am always back to the same place. my mind wants to be in one place- wasted. that is what i crave. being wasted.
i can stop, then drink about 4, then 6, then it is back to the same place. get a case of beer just in case. never run out. always buy enough to be wasted.

i even tried to only drink once a week. but still, my mind only wanted to be in one place- wasted.
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Old 08-08-2010, 07:10 PM
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In my experience no matter how long you have quit (if you’re an alcoholic) you can never go back to just a drink or two. Alcoholism by its very nature is "progressive" meaning it gets worse the longer we drink. Example- I smoked a pack a day for 25 years. During that time I "quit" several hundred times. From 2 days to 6 months, every time I started back I thought I could control the amount I smoked. It ended up back to smoking a pack every day. In 1992 I quit for good, haven’t had a cigarette since. I still want one occasionally but I learned by experience I couldn’t smoke just one! To me the same is true with alcohol- except it PROGRESSES; you need more and more until it consumes your life. It destroys your ambition, your energy, your relationships, your jobs ect.ect......
Last year I came to realize I can NEVER drink like “normal” people. Unless I want to allow it to destroy my whole life I cannot drink again! I have accepted that as a fact of life and am moving on . I’m becoming creative again, more energy, healthier, happier, more at peace with myself and so on. I have lost nothing by quitting and gained everything!
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