Wow, this is a really good thread. I also experience the conflict between past and present/future on a daily, if not hourly, basis. And it is so hard to let go of the past which you think is your friend but which also holds you back (or beats your down) in a big way. That idea of a gray-area is spot on. Thanks.

Thanks pointmagnet. Fellow Okie here :D Glad you revived this thread, I reread it and it's still quite relevant for me 6 weeks later. Getting better but still can be hard to let go and move on.

Tonight a friend called and he was in a rough spot, having realized his girlfriend keeps him around as a paycheck because she doesn't want to work. It kinda brought up all the issues involved with my ex-bf and him using me for dope and rent money, similarly keeping me around as a paycheck. Every time I think I've put it to rest, moved on, I get a little reminder, especially of how stupid I felt when I realized it. It's one of those things I keep trying to accept and learn from, but it still hurts.