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Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part VII

Old 03-25-2010, 07:32 PM
  # 381 (permalink)  
Not all better, getting better
 
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There was a thread on the Newcomers board about a substance called K2. It is sold as inscense but used to get a high similar to marajuana. Reading about it really has me craving. Legal pot that doesn't show up in a UA. Gotta stop thinking like that.
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Old 03-26-2010, 08:20 AM
  # 382 (permalink)  
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not doing well today..not wanting a drink..just full of selfpity and uncomfortableness....

gotta do errands all day today...see you guys later.
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Old 03-26-2010, 10:27 AM
  # 383 (permalink)  
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Windy, just made your image a little smaller. Alera

Last edited by shockozulu; 03-26-2010 at 04:06 PM. Reason: resized image
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Old 03-26-2010, 10:13 PM
  # 384 (permalink)  
Never settle.
 
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Yet another "WTF?" moment brought to you by Windy. LOL Thanks.
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Old 03-27-2010, 06:37 PM
  # 385 (permalink)  
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I just keeps up.

Ended up getting pretty lit last night. Last night the folks were away. What I find so discouraging is that I'm 41 years old, living with my parents, and I'm not sure how I can make it any other way. The few times I've lived "on my own" in my adult years have been disasterous.

My college roomates and ex wife kept me in some degree of check, but the times that it has just been me were all bad. There have only been three times. After college I broke up with my girlfriend (now ex wife) for about 6 months. We had pretty much been living together since I had finished school. Those were a lost 6 months. I sat in my recliner smoking pot, eating and getting drunk, pretty much 24/7, before talking her into getting back together (even though I was the one who broke up)

When we first seperated before the divorce, I spent a few months on my own before I lost it and ended up in a rehab in Florida, then back to my parents house. I gave it another shot after about a year and ended up with two stays in the mental ward, the last after a suicide attempt.

I guess I'm doing better now. I'm not nearly as self destructive as I have been in the past, but it still rears it's head, especially when left alone to my own devices. It's not like I spend much time with my folks. It's a big house and I pretty much live in one wing and they live in the other. There are sometimes days that go by without seeing each other, due to my work schedule. But for some reason it helps. At the same time, I want to have the freedom of living on my own, but the thought of it and the past issues when I've attempted it, scare me. It's just frustrating. Oh well. That's about it for me. Take care.
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Old 03-29-2010, 09:57 AM
  # 386 (permalink)  
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Had to make some important changes in my addiction treatment regimen. Necessary changes that were way past due. I'm inclined to believe this change grew out of an awareness that my PTSD symptoms are prompted and then acted on by a desire to avenge some past religious trauma. There are some aspects of a certain recovery method that I can not be involved with...ever. It just gets to ugly...ack.

As for everything else...been feeling good and likewise doing good for some time. I have a regular routine that has been keeping me on track with living life as it comes.

Been focusing more on my mental well being recently. All that time spent in PTSD groups has been paying off big time. Applying the skill learned in group that help me manage my mental illness has made all the difference in my addiction treatment too. Knowing what treatment works and how it makes a difference in my wellness is a big advantage.
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Old 03-30-2010, 10:55 PM
  # 387 (permalink)  
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Hi all - wanted to join this thread, as I am more of a secular person as far as recovery goes. I've got just a hair over 3 months, and believe that I am responsible for my continued sobriety. I am powerless over alcohol once I start drinking it, but the decision to pick up is completely within my power.
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Old 03-31-2010, 05:38 PM
  # 388 (permalink)  
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Welcome humblestudent to the secular side of SoberRecovery.

I too believe that it is my sole responsibility to get and stay sober. Fortunately I can enlist outside resources to help me with this quest, but if I pick up a drink/drug or not is on me alone. I like to think I was the cause of my problems and drugs were only a symptom.
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Old 03-31-2010, 10:35 PM
  # 389 (permalink)  
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It's hot and my air conditioner is broken. Blah.

Someone called and offered me coke today; I said no but the fact that I still wanted to, even though I didn't, tells me I'm still not out of the woods. It's getting easier to say no. This one just offers it up and if I say no that's that, so at least I don't have a bunch of pressure to use, he's just being "friendly" in his own mind. I feel like I defied Satan... except I don't believe in Satan!

Night, y'all.
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Old 04-01-2010, 05:25 AM
  # 390 (permalink)  
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Cocaine is icky, Gneiss.
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Old 04-01-2010, 06:03 AM
  # 391 (permalink)  
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Indeed, it is Windy. Turns out Nancy Reagan was right: just say no. Glad I followed Nancy's advice.
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Old 04-01-2010, 09:15 PM
  # 392 (permalink)  
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Well, I spent last spring walking at the lake. Today I took my first trip out of the season. Only went about 3 miles, I've been riding a couch all winter and my ankles were done. Good times. It's about 10 miles to the lake, so that can get pretty pricey driving every day. Guess I might be forced to jog around the 'hood here close to my apartment.

And... meh. A/C still out. Compressor is dead. Even with the windows open sleeping is pretty much impossible. It's all humid and sticky and gross. How did we have snow just a couple weeks ago?!
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Old 04-03-2010, 06:15 PM
  # 393 (permalink)  
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Down with a migraine. The only reason I'm up is that I have to try to eat so I don't lose weight. Coming here keeps my mind off the food and water going down my throat. Hope to be doing better soon.
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Old 04-03-2010, 07:18 PM
  # 394 (permalink)  
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Oh, Alera. I hate migraines. I hope you get to feeling better soon. Now go lay in a dark quiet room and try not to think about it!

*hugs*
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Old 04-04-2010, 12:25 AM
  # 395 (permalink)  
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Had one of those this week Alera - hugs and good wishes to you - hope it's one of short duration

D
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Old 04-04-2010, 09:17 AM
  # 396 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by gneiss View Post
Indeed, it is Windy. Turns out Nancy Reagan was right: just say no. Glad I followed Nancy's advice.
Yep there's saying and doing. I like "just achieve behaviors that reflect what is said" Easier said than done of course...but can be done never the less.

Alera I hope the migraines ease up soon.

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Old 04-04-2010, 10:34 PM
  # 397 (permalink)  
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Thanks all. My eye is still numb and I'm seeing pretty swirling colors but the pain isn't as bad. Got some food down me and now time to listen to some old Art Bell shows and get some sleep.
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Old 04-04-2010, 11:57 PM
  # 398 (permalink)  
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Wowsers, Alera! Swirling colors? That's a bad migraine! Hope you're feeling better.

LOL Zen. Tacos are a drug to me. Dangerous ground there; if I say yes to tacos I will no doubt weigh about 800 lbs in a few weeks.

I decided to keep track of my walks so I downloaded a GPS walk meter onto my phone and it maps my route as I walk, gauges distance, elevation, pace, etc. It's HORRIBLE. I paid 5 bucks for my phone to tell me I'm a fat, lazy [email protected] I knew I'd have a slow pace to start with cuz I've been so lazy all winter but somehow having a number to stick on it does not make me feel better. It does, however, motivate me to walk a little faster.
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Old 04-05-2010, 04:47 PM
  # 399 (permalink)  
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Have had a rough time, you might say. First, I had pneumonia, so I was laid up in bed for quite a while, on the plus side, I got better, and have managed to stop smoking, it's been about a month. And for about three weeks, no drinking, a big improvement. But then I went out one night, had a few drinks, and a few days later, it was warm and I was feeling nostalgic and there I was, getting drunk at home, watching footage of the poet Anne Sexton, laughing, and then I blacked out. I woke up two days ago to a very bad black eye, almost swollen shut, a sprained finger, skinned knees, scraped elbows and a lot of pain. I must have fell, I don't know. What makes me wonder is why, why, why I do this.

I know there's a lot of things in life I'm not happy about, I'm 42, own no house, no car, am in horrible debt, have bad credit to the point of lawsuits/wage garnishments, live in a rustic warehouse space with no oven or bath-tub, and find it harder and harder to relax. I miss cooking, I even miss baths. I thought at first I might be OK in such a place, but Iím to oldÖit just happened they didnít check credit, and I needed a place. I see little hope for the near future in having any time or means to change things and get out of hereÖI mean, I canít see how Iím ever gonna fix this credit till 7 years or whatever it is, and that makes me desperately sad. It would be so nice just to have a normal place again, a couch to lie down on, and especially a bath-tubÖI can take showers, but thereís only about 5 minutes of hot water, so I often skip them, whatís the point, I donít sweat much, Iím small, and not hairy.

But I have to stop all this before there's nothing left...I have to find some way to have hope.

I don't know how I ****** up this badly in life, I was always smart and creative and had nearly a 4.0 in highs-school and college but could never seem to find my niche, always worked jobs that were just jobs, now I feel too old to change, and too tired. Sometimes, I think I do these things because I want o die. Normally, I would be to scared, and when sober would certainly never choose to die...yet drunk, I worry, the day will come I jump out the window or something, I mean, I don't even know what I do those times, anything might happen.

Well, Iím sorry for all this, I wish I could say I was better, but this seems like a low point. I just wish I could believe in anything anymore, and have hope. But it just slips away.
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Old 04-05-2010, 06:25 PM
  # 400 (permalink)  
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get it together, broham, don't drink.
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