tyler

Thanks guys.

Allport: I didn't find anything you said to be flippant, so appoligies needed. I may indeed try the whole online thing, if for no other reason, than to push myself. I may never get any replies, and I'm cool with that, would kinda be a relief actually!! Anyway, thanks for your replies.

Fubarcdn: I definately need to go to the gym. I live in a neighborhood that has a very nice workout room, minuets away from me, and totally free. It's open 18 hours a day, so I'm about out of excuses. I'm not in that bad a shape, I'm 6'3", about 240-245. It's not even the weight, I just hate the way I look. I don't really think I'm ugly, it's just my mind messing with me. I think the gym would also help with the depression end of things. I just somehow need to get the motivation to just do it. Having a hard time with that right now. Take care.

Fubarcdn

I wish I had a free gym.
If you need an extra push Tyler why don't you join us for the twelve week fitness challenge to get a little support and inspiration. We are only on week 3 and there are a lot of participants with interesting posts and inspirational stories.
It is under the health and fitness section so if you feel so inclined check it out.

tyler

I'll check it out.

4ever

Thanks for the welcome everyone....I love being apart of SR, but sometimes its hard for me to read the posts because of the negativity, arguments, ect....Sometimes it just gets to be a bit much and when I saw all of you here it seemed like a great thread to be apart of.

Hope everyone is doing well today.

Ananda

we are a pretty settled and calm forum at the moment...of course we also have our moments of conflict and discontent

When a thread starts to get nasty...I just leave that thread alone...and don't read it for a week or two....things usually calm down.

anyhow...thanks to Alegra's great moderating and everyones genuine desire to not get nasty....we do pretty well!

Keep posting

gneiss

Hey, even without a free gym they can't keep you from going for a run on city streets!

This one's even longer than usual. Thanks to anyone who has the courage to proceed! LOL

I really don't like living alone, I miss my roommate. I know we fought and bickered and weren't necessarily the best in terms of being roommates, but he's my friend-- one of the best I've ever had-- and not having him around, even down the road where I could go say hi, is pretty tough to get used to. Yesterday was the roughest day I've had in a while and I couldn't call him. It was hard not to go to the bar. I got about a week ahead on my homework instead. We both are still cleaning up from drugs and we had the same circle of drug buddies so for a long time he was the only person I hung out with because we lost all our friends.

I really didn't have a bad day yesterday, but I didn't feel right. I wanted to go drink. I miss my friends, miss just hanging out and having normal fun. And making it worse, my coke dealer has started coming around again; he was calling last night. The second he found out my roommate was gone he bought me perfume and started calling me creepy pet names, and even brought some coke over once. I have not accepted any of the gifts and asked him to leave me alone but he's still calling. It's not comfortable. I've quit replying to his texts-- I won't even tell him to leave me alone since I tried that twice and he won't-- and do not answer his phone calls (which is becoming a cat-and-mouse game. He keeps calling from new numbers so I'm screening my calls now). I'm starting to think not only a new phone number but perhaps a new residence might be a good idea. If I presented such a case of harassment to the housing office at school I'm sure I would be allowed to choose a different apartment. Calling the police makes me nervous because first they dig into everything and obviously I only know this dude because I did drugs; and second if they arrest him I still have to deal with his thug friends. I am between the proverbial rock and hard place.

To correct the "no friends" problem last week I became active in a student group. It's a professional organization for women geologists, though we have a few *honorary women* in our group. I used to be active in it, and I decided the best way was to throw myself into it. I volunteered to help plan and organize the major fundraiser for the year: a chili cookoff. Time will tell if I have chosen wisely! :rotfxko

Sadly, I got my laptop back today. They detected bad sectors on the hard drive and replaced it completely. However, I sent it in because the keyboard didn't work and it still doesn't. So I sent it back and have another 7-10 business days of borrowing mom's computer. I'm annoyed. Learning to take things in stride again. Not so long ago that might have been an excuse for a case of beer and some dope.

Ananda

gneiss

I lost a freindship that was someone I had daily (several times a day) contact with last June. I was devistated, and never was quite able to get past that one....So I know it's tough.

I also know that as someone once told me...people come into our lives for a while and then they go....and another person said...when you say you love someone forever...it just means you plan on dying first....


Anyhow...It still hurts, but I try to keep it in perspective by remembering those two things...

In fact you know..if every friend i ever made were still in my life activily...well...er...crap I wouldn't have time for a job and my house would continue to be a mess...and ...well you know

Fubarcdn

Sorry to hear of your difficulties Gneiss.
It is always tough when people we care for and rely on are around less and less but it is good that you are taking positive steps to enlarge your circle of friends and improve your social life.
Good luck with the chili. cookoff. I hope it doesn't leave you with heartburn.

4ever

gneiss

I've lost many friendships over the past 38 years. Some were good some were bad. I know how difficult it can be to feel like you are all alone. It took me a long time to be comfortable in my own skin. Comfortable enough that it was okay to be by myself.

I have friends now...mostly coworkers, but I still don't hang out with them outside of work. I don't know why, but I like my life now. I am married, but my husband is never around (which is probably a good thing) so I really enjoy my time to myself.

Good luck with the chili cookoff!!!

allport

Ha I am going to have chilli for my dinner tonight now

Ready made (unfortunately) and I am sure English chilli isn't quite the same as yours but I'm going to enjoy it anyway

Ananda

alley...next time I'm over I'll make you chris and my superb wonderful hot hot chilli and deviled eggs

Zencat

All is manageable in my world. Been having some depression and anxiety yet nothing drastic. It dose slow me down mentally until I have too much coffee...and then the caffeine crash. So for the past few days Ive been laying low with the christian crank and feeling better. Still soba & clean...day by day. Although the psych meds I take for when my anxiety is up above tolerable levels makes me drowsy, I still manage to do what needs to get done.

I dig chili and I make a wicked good batch of the stuff I might say.

Ananda

yeah Zen...taking my phsyc meds correctly and working with the Dr on adjustments as needed has been a huge help in my recovery journey.

Just got one of the meds adjusted...bought a "pill splitter" .....now hopefully i won't sleep 12 hours a night

shockozulu

Did I accidently change my name when I changed my avatar or is there a new mod around? *looks around suspiciously". All in fun ananda, all in fun.

Thank you for the compliment. It means a lot to me.

gneiss, sorry about your roommate and friendship. It can be hard, but you will find more friends. Knowing that and feeling it are two different things, I know, but please remind yourself often. Glad to read that you are getting involved in extra-curricular activities. I enjoyed my time in the clubs as well.

Ananda

:rotfxko alera....i've got your name as alegra in my head since the first time I met you....i'm just suprised its the first time i slipped up and called you that

:rotfxko

tyler

Doing better here. Saw my new theripist today, hard to tell from a first appointment, but she seems OK. I had to dump my last one because it was too hard to schedule appointments. I liked her as a threripist, but she was completely on her own with no office help. Because my work schedule (retail) changes on a weekly basis, I couldn't commit to a specific time or date. I get my schedule 6 weeks at at time, but it just didn't seem to be working out. I'd end up seeing her once or twice every 3-4 weeks. I leave her a message on her machine, she's leave me a voice mail, we could never get in touch. So off to a fresh start. This one works in the same office as my psychitrist, so that may help.

I've come to the conclusion that social anxiety is a big part of my problems. You wouldn't think that would be an issue for someone in sales, but the difference is the people approach me. I floundered in outside sales, as I had to cold call, and eventually go to the point where I just couldn't do it. I would throw up at the thought of entering someone's office. Now I keep myself pretty isolated outside of going to work. I've turned down several invitations to go out with my co-workers or go to a party they are having. I always said to myself it was because I was afraid I'd pick up, but when I really look at it, it's that I'm just afraid period.

This also has a great deal to do with the fact that I've been divorced 5 years, and seperated almost 7, and have yet to go out on a date. I've always written it of to saying "I'm still holding out to get back together with my ex," but that too is a BS excuse. I'm afraid to ask someone out, afraid what will happen if they say no...or yes. Afraid I won't do the right thing on a date, just afraid. I still do have strong feelings for my ex, but going on a date, going on with my life, is not going to change that one way or another. What if I go on a date and really like her and she doesn't like me? What if we both like each other and then my ex wants to get back together? I gotta find a way to get past this somehow. Not just with dating, but my life in general.

My doctor started me on Zoloft and reduced my Welbutran dose, with the idea of stopping it altogether if the Zoloft seems to help. I've tried all of these meds and more before. Of course I was still activally using at the time...could that have had something to do with them never helping me??? I feel like a bit of a walking pharmacy. The doctor is kinda just throwing a bunch of stuff at me, seeing how it works and then stop taking what isn't effective. Overall I'd been feeling pretty good until I went into a funk last weekend.

Well that's what's going on in my world. Hope everyone else is well. Take care,

gneiss

Hugs Tyler. Heck hugs all around.

It isn't that we aren't friends. In fact we are much better now that we aren't roommates. But I was used to having him around and he is 150 miles away and has bad cell service where he is out in the boondocks. He's my go-to guy and it's a rough adjustment.

New phone! New phone number. Couldn't come fast enough. So no more people I don't want calling. And I am checking in here on my phone since I still don't have my laptop back.

Things are looking up. I just have to make it through this adjustment. I passed up an offer of coke tonight just before I got my new phone so right there I proved to myself I can do it. Sometimes my worst enemy is my lack of confidence.

Ananda

yeah...i hear you....relationships of any kind are soooo volital and full of potential pain that it's easier to just isolate and stay with a continual dull pain that you get use to...

but at the same time...I want a real life....

(see signature line)

gneiss

Agreed. I don't think if you really cared about or loved someone that you ever really get over it. If it was real you don't get to stop caring just because you can't make it work out. But at the same time, as miserable as it is, you have to move on. Easier said than done, and not something I'm especially good at. The best advice I've heard is bascally that you have to wait it out. Go on a few dates, but don't put any pressure on yourself. It's dinner, not a marriage proposal. Ask people you don't see regularly so if they say no or it doesn't go so well you don't have to awkwardly avoid them at the office for two weeks. Maybe don't make it a romantic situation, tell your date there's no pressure, you just want to have a nice evening and thought they might like to enjoy it with you. Then at worst you've got a friend and you had a good time. Or even ask someone you aren't especially interested in, like a practice date. You might get a little confidence and you won't feel pressured.

Now sooner or later I may get up the courage to take my own advice.

shockozulu

Tell me where to find these guys that are willing to go out to dinner? They know I'm into things Bond, Computer Science, gaming, baseball and politics. I'm lucky to get a first date