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This one's for the heathens

Old 09-03-2009, 04:08 PM
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This one's for the heathens

Okay, atheist types.

You know I'm one very gay non-believer, so this is going to be a very gay thread. I need help.

Still in therapy and have yet to talk about why I have no self-esteem and confidence. All of this can be traced back to my religious upbringing. I believed I would burn in hell for all eternity for liking the womens. I had no role models (I promise this isn't a sob-story) or anyone around me to say that being gay rocks....only people who thought it was evil/sinful/disgusting/blahblahblah...


...so, I repressed my sexuality. I did a bang up job, too. It's amazing how a person can take something and bury it deeply and live in blissful denial...for a while, anyways, before everything explodes into a huge thundering sh!tstorm.

Today I'm doing much better...but I really need to bring this up in therapy. I need to talk about how my experiences with my religion royally f*cked my brain up. I'm trying to pick up the pieces...still. Only problem is I don't know how to bring this up in therapy without sounding like I'm totally bashing religion. Should I even care? I'm the one paying for this, anyways, and if I don't talk about it how do I move forward? Anyone in heathen land ever have to talk to a therapist about how religion messed with your head?

My therapist got her degree from a religious institution, did I mention that? Not that it matters...but religion is a touchy subject...
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:15 PM
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If religion has played a big part in your current problems and you can't talk about it with your therapist I can't see how it's going to work.

Sorry to be blunt but as I see it you are thinking about tailoring your experiences to pander to your therapists (possible) predjudices.

Since when was therapy meant to keep the therapist happy lol
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:19 PM
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I know, allport. You're right. I have a problem trying to be a people pleaser and I assume how someone is going to react even though I have no f*cking clue.

I really, really need to work on that. That's the fear that comes into play...wanting people to like me and not be angry with me, especially the people who provide a very important/necessary form of support.

I need to get over it and just do it.
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:53 PM
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I think it's important that you bring this up with your therapiust. Religion causes a lot of feelings of guilt and worthlessness in terms of sex, and not just in gay people. If the therapist is not comfortable with this, I'd get a new one; there's a TON of therapists out there, they're a dime a dozen...well, more like a $1,000 a dozen :P

Good luck,

HP
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Old 09-03-2009, 04:59 PM
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I'd say bring it up with your therapist, no matter where s/he got her/his degree. If it's important to your life, bring it up. And if the therapist has problems with it, look for another one. They are not supposed to let their personal feelings intrude on their giving advice/therapy.

I agree: early religious upbringing can do a lot of harm...
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Old 09-03-2009, 05:58 PM
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I can't quite relate to the problem as I was brought up as an atheist. But I agree with what everybody is saying. If it's important to you to work on this issue, bring it up. If the therapist is not happy, find another one. However, I am pretty sure that a lot of them are very rational and can talk you thru these kinds of issues even though they personally don't agree with your attitude toward religion.
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Old 09-03-2009, 06:23 PM
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any good therapist should seek to put their own beliefs aside in your best interests Bam - if you feel this therapist doesn't....you know the drill.

The issues not really 'religion' anyway - it's how 'religion' made you feel - right?

Hugs
D
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Old 09-03-2009, 07:23 PM
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Stop being so rational Dee lol

Let us bash religion a bit

Just kidding (kind of)
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Old 09-03-2009, 07:40 PM
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you asked for this Ally...

:praying

oops sorry

< leaves discussion

LOL

D
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Old 09-03-2009, 07:44 PM
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Are you paying this person? to...like...help you and stuff?

Then they can "suck it up" your job is to tell the truth, their job is to help you.

One of the best things I ever heard was "If you tell the truth it's no longer your problem"

If someone has a problem with your truth, it's their problem, not yours.

Look, we love you, be Gay as HELL, be Gay LOUD, be Gay PROUD
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Old 09-03-2009, 10:48 PM
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ummmmmm D, your NAUGHTY!!

Do what ever it takes to help find your peace and joy honey, dont let anyone get in your way
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Old 09-03-2009, 10:54 PM
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Bam, she may have a better idea of the damage religion can do because of her education/experience. Might even have stories of her own.

Good luck.
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Old 09-03-2009, 11:37 PM
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You should definitely talk about itó like everyone said she should be able to put her own views aside. That is in fact her job. If she gets visibly offended and projects those judgments outwards then that is cause for concern.

All of that being said, you also should definitely after you bring up the topic, tell her that you didn't want to talk about it with her. And then basically say why you didn't want to talk about it with her. That could lead to a whole other conversation about people-pleasing but also hopefully to something along the lines of you not having to worry about that with her and maybe working on leaving those people-pleasing concerns with other people.
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Old 09-04-2009, 01:51 AM
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If you're happy with your therapist, and if I recall correctly you are feeling much better since you've been seeing her, I think you should be able to talk about everything. The therapists job is to help you, she is not there to give you religion, if she can't get past that then you should change, but in my opinion she's been through this before and knows her job. Give it a try, this is important to you, so it should also be important to your therapist.
And darn if it doesn't work out, come back and complain to us, and we'll all sympathize and tell you to find another therapist !:ghug3
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Old 09-04-2009, 05:42 AM
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I heart you people.
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Old 09-04-2009, 11:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Bamboozle View Post
Okay, atheist types.

You know I'm one very gay non-believer, so this is going to be a very gay thread. I need help.

Still in therapy and have yet to talk about why I have no self-esteem and confidence. All of this can be traced back to my religious upbringing. I believed I would burn in hell for all eternity for liking the womens. I had no role models (I promise this isn't a sob-story) or anyone around me to say that being gay rocks....only people who thought it was evil/sinful/disgusting/blahblahblah...


...so, I repressed my sexuality. I did a bang up job, too. It's amazing how a person can take something and bury it deeply and live in blissful denial...for a while, anyways, before everything explodes into a huge thundering sh!tstorm.

Today I'm doing much better...but I really need to bring this up in therapy. I need to talk about how my experiences with my religion royally f*cked my brain up. I'm trying to pick up the pieces...still. Only problem is I don't know how to bring this up in therapy without sounding like I'm totally bashing religion. Should I even care? I'm the one paying for this, anyways, and if I don't talk about it how do I move forward? Anyone in heathen land ever have to talk to a therapist about how religion messed with your head?

My therapist got her degree from a religious institution, did I mention that? Not that it matters...but religion is a touchy subject...

I'm not a heathen and I'm not gay but I want to respond anyhow. I was raised with a religion that I found extremely hypocritical (get drunk and laid on Saturday night-get forgiven on Sunday morning) so I can relate to religion screwing up people. Also I believe we are all God's creation so if he made ya gay then he made ya gay, I'm asexual and that's just the way it is. Now, I'm obviously not a therapist but I can understand, and have heard, how people can can use religous dogma to defy homesexuality, I think it is wrong. Your therapist should be able to separate HER religious views from her patients views, if not you should find another therapist. You deserve to be heard.
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Old 09-04-2009, 02:49 PM
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I'm religious now but religion screwed me up. I found that I had to be able to talk about my time in a religious cult to get over those issues. The fact many don't know the cult side of the religious group I was a member of made things very hard. These parts of my life are very important and the longer I held them in the more screwed up I became. My shrink was great with that, as was my therapist. The first is a bi-sexual agnostic, the second was a gay Jewish man dating an active Mormon. It didn't matter what religion THEY are, what matters is their ability to practice psychology. If I had a rapport with them, and I did, then I trusted them with my life. And in those years of my life, that was not a figurative term, but literal.

Good luck.
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Old 09-04-2009, 03:16 PM
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you ought to be able to say in therapy anything that portends to your reason for being there.
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Old 09-04-2009, 07:56 PM
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I heart you too!! Whats the opposite of asexual, hypersexual?
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Old 09-04-2009, 08:23 PM
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I know all about being overtly distressed about my childhood religion. That stuffed lingered for a very long time and it still pops up from time to time in my life. I think I need a partial brain transplant to fully get over the damage done from my past religious indoctrination.
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