SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/)
-   Secular Connections (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/secular-connections/)
-   -   This one's for the heathens (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/secular-connections/183689-ones-heathens.html)

Bamboozle 09-03-2009 03:08 PM

This one's for the heathens
 
Okay, atheist types.

You know I'm one very gay non-believer, so this is going to be a very gay thread. I need help.

Still in therapy and have yet to talk about why I have no self-esteem and confidence. All of this can be traced back to my religious upbringing. I believed I would burn in hell for all eternity for liking the womens. I had no role models (I promise this isn't a sob-story) or anyone around me to say that being gay rocks....only people who thought it was evil/sinful/disgusting/blahblahblah...


...so, I repressed my sexuality. I did a bang up job, too. It's amazing how a person can take something and bury it deeply and live in blissful denial...for a while, anyways, before everything explodes into a huge thundering sh!tstorm.

Today I'm doing much better...but I really need to bring this up in therapy. I need to talk about how my experiences with my religion royally f*cked my brain up. I'm trying to pick up the pieces...still. Only problem is I don't know how to bring this up in therapy without sounding like I'm totally bashing religion. Should I even care? I'm the one paying for this, anyways, and if I don't talk about it how do I move forward? Anyone in heathen land ever have to talk to a therapist about how religion messed with your head?

My therapist got her degree from a religious institution, did I mention that? :) Not that it matters...but religion is a touchy subject...

allport 09-03-2009 03:15 PM

If religion has played a big part in your current problems and you can't talk about it with your therapist I can't see how it's going to work.

Sorry to be blunt but as I see it you are thinking about tailoring your experiences to pander to your therapists (possible) predjudices.

Since when was therapy meant to keep the therapist happy lol

Bamboozle 09-03-2009 03:19 PM

I know, allport. :) You're right. I have a problem trying to be a people pleaser and I assume how someone is going to react even though I have no f*cking clue.

I really, really need to work on that. That's the fear that comes into play...wanting people to like me and not be angry with me, especially the people who provide a very important/necessary form of support.

I need to get over it and just do it.

HuskyPup 09-03-2009 03:53 PM

I think it's important that you bring this up with your therapiust. Religion causes a lot of feelings of guilt and worthlessness in terms of sex, and not just in gay people. If the therapist is not comfortable with this, I'd get a new one; there's a TON of therapists out there, they're a dime a dozen...well, more like a $1,000 a dozen :P

Good luck,

HP

least 09-03-2009 03:59 PM

I'd say bring it up with your therapist, no matter where s/he got her/his degree. If it's important to your life, bring it up. And if the therapist has problems with it, look for another one. They are not supposed to let their personal feelings intrude on their giving advice/therapy.

I agree: early religious upbringing can do a lot of harm...

OceanBound 09-03-2009 04:58 PM

I can't quite relate to the problem as I was brought up as an atheist. But I agree with what everybody is saying. If it's important to you to work on this issue, bring it up. If the therapist is not happy, find another one. However, I am pretty sure that a lot of them are very rational and can talk you thru these kinds of issues even though they personally don't agree with your attitude toward religion.

Dee74 09-03-2009 05:23 PM

any good therapist should seek to put their own beliefs aside in your best interests Bam - if you feel this therapist doesn't....you know the drill.

The issues not really 'religion' anyway - it's how 'religion' made you feel - right?

Hugs
D

allport 09-03-2009 06:23 PM

Stop being so rational Dee lol

Let us bash religion a bit :)

Just kidding (kind of) :)

Dee74 09-03-2009 06:40 PM

you asked for this Ally...
 
:praying

oops sorry :c018:

< leaves discussion

LOL

D

Ago 09-03-2009 06:44 PM

Are you paying this person? to...like...help you and stuff?

Then they can "suck it up" your job is to tell the truth, their job is to help you.

One of the best things I ever heard was "If you tell the truth it's no longer your problem"

If someone has a problem with your truth, it's their problem, not yours.

Look, we love you, be Gay as HELL, be Gay LOUD, be Gay PROUD

Gypsy Feet 09-03-2009 09:48 PM

ummmmmm D, your NAUGHTY!!

Do what ever it takes to help find your peace and joy honey, dont let anyone get in your way

mistycshore 09-03-2009 09:54 PM

Bam, she may have a better idea of the damage religion can do because of her education/experience. Might even have stories of her own.

Good luck.

sfgirl 09-03-2009 10:37 PM

You should definitely talk about it like everyone said she should be able to put her own views aside. That is in fact her job. If she gets visibly offended and projects those judgments outwards then that is cause for concern.

All of that being said, you also should definitely after you bring up the topic, tell her that you didn't want to talk about it with her. And then basically say why you didn't want to talk about it with her. That could lead to a whole other conversation about people-pleasing but also hopefully to something along the lines of you not having to worry about that with her and maybe working on leaving those people-pleasing concerns with other people.

californiapoppy 09-04-2009 12:51 AM

If you're happy with your therapist, and if I recall correctly you are feeling much better since you've been seeing her, I think you should be able to talk about everything. The therapists job is to help you, she is not there to give you religion, if she can't get past that then you should change, but in my opinion she's been through this before and knows her job. Give it a try, this is important to you, so it should also be important to your therapist.
And darn if it doesn't work out, come back and complain to us, and we'll all sympathize and tell you to find another therapist !:ghug3

Bamboozle 09-04-2009 04:42 AM

I heart you people. :ring

jamdls 09-04-2009 10:01 AM


Originally Posted by Bamboozle (Post 2353613)
Okay, atheist types.

You know I'm one very gay non-believer, so this is going to be a very gay thread. I need help.

Still in therapy and have yet to talk about why I have no self-esteem and confidence. All of this can be traced back to my religious upbringing. I believed I would burn in hell for all eternity for liking the womens. I had no role models (I promise this isn't a sob-story) or anyone around me to say that being gay rocks....only people who thought it was evil/sinful/disgusting/blahblahblah...


...so, I repressed my sexuality. I did a bang up job, too. It's amazing how a person can take something and bury it deeply and live in blissful denial...for a while, anyways, before everything explodes into a huge thundering sh!tstorm.

Today I'm doing much better...but I really need to bring this up in therapy. I need to talk about how my experiences with my religion royally f*cked my brain up. I'm trying to pick up the pieces...still. Only problem is I don't know how to bring this up in therapy without sounding like I'm totally bashing religion. Should I even care? I'm the one paying for this, anyways, and if I don't talk about it how do I move forward? Anyone in heathen land ever have to talk to a therapist about how religion messed with your head?

My therapist got her degree from a religious institution, did I mention that? :) Not that it matters...but religion is a touchy subject...


I'm not a heathen and I'm not gay but I want to respond anyhow. I was raised with a religion that I found extremely hypocritical (get drunk and laid on Saturday night-get forgiven on Sunday morning) so I can relate to religion screwing up people. Also I believe we are all God's creation so if he made ya gay then he made ya gay, I'm asexual and that's just the way it is. Now, I'm obviously not a therapist but I can understand, and have heard, how people can can use religous dogma to defy homesexuality, I think it is wrong. Your therapist should be able to separate HER religious views from her patients views, if not you should find another therapist. You deserve to be heard.

shockozulu 09-04-2009 01:49 PM

I'm religious now but religion screwed me up. I found that I had to be able to talk about my time in a religious cult to get over those issues. The fact many don't know the cult side of the religious group I was a member of made things very hard. These parts of my life are very important and the longer I held them in the more screwed up I became. My shrink was great with that, as was my therapist. The first is a bi-sexual agnostic, the second was a gay Jewish man dating an active Mormon. It didn't matter what religion THEY are, what matters is their ability to practice psychology. If I had a rapport with them, and I did, then I trusted them with my life. And in those years of my life, that was not a figurative term, but literal.

Good luck.

splendra 09-04-2009 02:16 PM

you ought to be able to say in therapy anything that portends to your reason for being there.

Gypsy Feet 09-04-2009 06:56 PM

I heart you too!! Whats the opposite of asexual, hypersexual?

Zencat 09-04-2009 07:23 PM

I know all about being overtly distressed about my childhood religion. That stuffed lingered for a very long time and it still pops up from time to time in my life. I think I need a partial brain transplant to fully get over the damage done from my past religious indoctrination.

jamdls 09-05-2009 07:56 PM


Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet (Post 2354988)
I heart you too!! Whats the opposite of asexual, hypersexual?

yup ha ha

coffeenut 09-05-2009 09:01 PM

Bring it up, Bam. You should feel comfortable bringing up ANYTHING. If you're not.....you need a new therapist.

I think I just said the same thing everybody else did. :)

btw...don't know what else is going on in your world, but your posts are sounding very 'healthy'....not sure if that's the word I want. I'm trying to say you're sounding Really Good!

Bamboozle 09-06-2009 08:16 AM


Originally Posted by coffeenut (Post 2355983)
btw...don't know what else is going on in your world, but your posts are sounding very 'healthy'....not sure if that's the word I want. I'm trying to say you're sounding Really Good!


Oh, I hope so. I'm trying. :)


I'll do what I did with some other topics...I'll write out everything I want to say and she can read it...then we'll talk.

Mrak 09-06-2009 09:13 AM

Hi Bamboozle,

Interesting topic for a 'Sunday' morning. Here are some of my pea-brained thoughts on the subject.

Books and specific religious rules are written by humans based upon their interpretations. Nothing wrong with asking questions. But it is counterproductive to argue or attempt to dissuade others from their religious beliefs.

God does not meddle in the personal affairs of Her followers or dissenters. A loving God shows no favoritism. God is busy making sure that nature and the universe function properly.

Organized religion is used to instruct (and instill fear into) those incapable of governing themselves in a civil fashion.

Live your faith. Draw me in by living as an example, not by pounding it down my throat.

Embrace your Deity for love and spiritual guidance.

As for me, I am attempting to treat my fellow man with dignity and respect to the best of my abilities.

Raised Catholic - living agnostic.

Disclaimer: These statements are my own personal opinion and I reserve the right to be wrong.

Chef99 09-06-2009 10:15 AM

Hi
 
I consider myself to be a somewhat religious person, however...

It is OK for you to bash religion all you want in therapy. It wouldn't be therapeutic if you couldn't.

My point is that you are there to talk about whatever you need to. Unless you are personally attacking the therapist, they will be able to handle it. Yhe things we come up with reasons not to talk about are probably the things that we need to get out the most urgently.

Live 09-25-2009 03:57 PM

I thought therapy was all about stirring through our belief systems and trying to work out the kinks and missing links and reorder them to a rational functional system to live by.
As far as I know, Bam, when in depth therapy was the thing, rather than the faster cognitive approach, it was always crucial at some point to address one's religious beliefs and the beliefs that were ingrained into us.
And our sexuality is such an integral part of our being.
I thought about editing out the word "kinks" but I think you know me well enough that I didn't mean it in any way towards you and then when I saw it, I thought it was a funny pun.
For you a kink would be trying to bend you into someone you are not, whether it is sex, religion or whatever else.
hugs,
live

Bamboozle 09-25-2009 04:41 PM

We talked about it...a little.

She interrupted me and began talking about parents reinforcing the idea of Santa Claus. I interrupted her and told her it's not the same. One's a lie about a fat jolly man bringing presents. The other is a lie about eternal damnation. I was never afraid of Santa Clause. The other? I was so afraid I lived in a total cocoon for nearly 20 yearsand Ive been doing my best to break out of it for the last 8. Its hard workit involves changing my personality. Ive had to un-learn everything and build myself up from the bottom. Not much happened during those last 8 yearsI spent that drinking. Most of the work Ive done has been during the last six months.

I think if I were to talk about this Id have to talk to someone who is an atheist who went through what Im going through.

I know Ill get through this. Im finding out that Im a strong person.

I suppose what p!sses me off the most about this is that some kids are still being force-fed this crap. They are growing up right now hating who they are and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Its very sadand completely unnecessary.

windysan 09-25-2009 08:14 PM

That indoctrination of kids really burns my ass. Y'all seen the movie Jesus Camp?

sickening

least 09-26-2009 04:29 AM

I've seen enough of it to find it disgusting and frightening.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:59 AM.