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Old 08-12-2009, 05:22 PM
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Hi Husky,

Here is a video that I think you might like, Pema Chodron has some very enlightening videos (misty mentioned one about the sandals... 2nd video ;-)



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Old 08-12-2009, 06:53 PM
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I really love Pema. I have fantasies about visiting the monastery in Nova Scotia and just running into her. A friend of mine did happen to run into her at DIA. I guess Pema was lost, in danger of missing her connecting flight and very stressed out. LOL. She's human too.
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Old 08-13-2009, 06:52 AM
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Ohhh, that's a haircut right there.
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Old 08-13-2009, 11:09 AM
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Yeah Misty, she is a beautiful person. I think she would be the first to admit she is human.

Haircut, yeah not a good one... I cant wait for the day that I'm spiritually at such a level that how I look has no influence on me whatsoever.

I meant to post this one as well, I posted the same video twice... ops

.
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Old 08-13-2009, 11:36 AM
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Hey again, me, here. Thanks for the videos, but I can't see them...I only have computer access at work, and it wont let me download the player to play them....I think I will have net access on the 18th at home, I just moved & they have to send a technetium.

Not doing well in the drinking department, have got home and blacked out now three days in a row, this seems like a new low. A lot of it is stress, and physical pain, from TMJ, very sharp pains in my neck/jaw/teeth and muscular tension that I have struggled to 'treat' for years now, and that make it hard to think or do anything, all circuits are busy, you are in pain. So I want to shut that off, shut off life, even. And all the old medical bills trying to fix this, now in collection, my wages getting garnished trying to find a solution, but not having the money for the ‘right’ treatment. So there is booze, it’s a lot cheaper, you can pay as you go, less than 10 bucks will knock me out.

I was also wondering: I know everyone here has been real helpful, but is there any busier place to post where the steppers and hardcore AAers won't come out in attack mode? Feel like I need maybe a daily 'check in' kind of thread that's active, and wonder if maybe I'm just missing it. But I'm real scared of the steppers, because I have always got into so many ugly fights with them in the past, and I want to recover, and not fight.

I know it's hard to stop them when they do, but any suggestions are appreciated.....

HP
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Old 08-13-2009, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by HuskyPup View Post
Hey again, me, here. Thanks for the videos, but I can't see them...I only have computer access at work, and it wont let me download the player to play them....I think I will have net access on the 18th at home, I just moved & they have to send a technetium.

Not doing well in the drinking department, have got home and blacked out now three days in a row, this seems like a new low. A lot of it is stress, and physical pain, from TMJ, very sharp pains in my neck/jaw/teeth and muscular tension that I have struggled to 'treat' for years now, and that make it hard to think or do anything, all circuits are busy, you are in pain. So I want to shut that off, shut off life, even. And all the old medical bills trying to fix this, now in collection, my wages getting garnished trying to find a solution, but not having the money for the ‘right’ treatment. So there is booze, it’s a lot cheaper, you can pay as you go, less than 10 bucks will knock me out.

I was also wondering: I know everyone here has been real helpful, but is there any busier place to post where the steppers and hardcore AAers won't come out in attack mode?

I know it's hard to stop them when they do, but any suggestions are appreciated.....

HP
Most newcomers post here Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I dont think anyone is going to "attack" you, some will offer AA as a suggestion. Take what you like & leave the rest
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Old 08-13-2009, 11:45 AM
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Maybe I should make a post there.....I just had so many bad experiances with the many of the steppers, it's almost like I'd rather keep drinking than have to fight with them again over things. Maybe the ones here are more gentle than the ones I have encountered elsewhere about the web
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Old 08-13-2009, 05:31 PM
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I find that the safest place for people like us is right here in the heretic den of the doomed.
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Old 08-13-2009, 06:07 PM
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A quick scan of the boards leads me to believe that some are in perpetual attack mode. Ignore them or ignore the forums they post in. Sorry it's not busier here. You could try private messaging people and get conversations going that way.
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Old 08-13-2009, 06:44 PM
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Just started some of the SMART worksheets and they seem to make sense and am going to go to some live meetings as they are available near me. As best I can figure out the world is not going to adjust to me so I'm going to try to adjust to in in a way that makes me feel better most of the time. I have degrees in Econ and Psych and totally relate to Economic inequality thing; but also have come to realize that that sort of stuff have existed among all societies as long as we have had societies. Socialism only really seems to work on a very small scale (think kibutz). I keep thinking Sherryl Crow..." It's not having what you want.... It's wanting what you've got. Any time you want to BS about history etc. hit me up; I love fun spirited debate. Bets of luck to you in all you endeavors.
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Old 08-13-2009, 08:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Windy
I find that the safest place for people like us is right here in the heretic den of the doomed.
Windy makes a good point. There is a giant active community of steppers here at SR. So be aware of that mess.

What I get when I read through your post Husky, its the very common pull of between using and not using. I know its the simplistic version of what I read...yet that's how I operate. I tend to try to simplify. I only do that because it helps me stay on track with my beliefs. But I see it would be better for you to keep exploring...no matter how long that takes...find an answer that makes the best fit to your situation.

I kinda feel irresponsible if I didn't encourage you to find a solution to your...your endeavors that would bring you to a better well being...however you see that to be. I believe that's all I would ask of others for myself.

Ah to put out a old and tired maxim to rest: ""love others to death". What is left is..."tough love" or tell one the harsh subjective narrowed minded reality of...its easier to bury the dead than deal with the living. Yea that's [email protected] gleefully give love than that toxic "tough love" of bullheaded [email protected] slingers.
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Old 08-14-2009, 11:34 AM
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3 days of blackouts don't sound very good, bro. I ain't judging you. I'm jes sayin. You know?

Get well soon !
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Old 08-16-2009, 07:06 AM
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Hello, I usually stay right here with the secular crowd, because I do not like tough love, normuch of the AA banter. It is true that sometimes I feel that there are not enough posts on this side of SR, so I have ventured into "Eating disorders" and "Fitness Health and Nutrition". No one has bugged me there. But as Misty suggested I think you can try sending a PM here and there.
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Old 08-16-2009, 11:43 AM
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OK, back from my days off, no internet at home yet. Maybe I will make a post on the newcomers thread and just see what happens. Have still not been doing great. Went a few days, but last night I got pretty weird/crazy drunk, had a kind of spiritual crisis after reading Swedenborg or perhaps it was that and the heat, the city stays hot all the time, that seems to get to me.

Zen, nice to see you here. I agree, tough love is not for me.....it just makes me even more rebellious, and resistant, and I am a very rebellious person as it is, a teen-age punk rock boy caught in a 40 yr old body.....how did this happen??!!

Windy, I agree these blackouts are not good. I think much of what fuels them is wanting to dampen physical pain, in my face and jaw......it makes it feel better, I am not so distracted by the pain that I can't think, but then I go too far.

Cali-poppy, Maybe I could try posting on some of the other social threads as well, maybe on the pain management or GLBT threads.

Well, back to work and it feels relaxing compared to the stress of having moved, all the errands we are still running to change the car registration, and all these things you forget and think of later. Lots of running around. But it is nice to be back in the city, to have things in walking distance. I am the type that tends to like either the city, or the country, but not the burbs. I’d really prefer the middle of no-where, just can’t seem to find a job there. Someday, I hope, before I die, it will happen.

HP
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Old 08-16-2009, 01:19 PM
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:ghug3
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Old 08-17-2009, 06:01 PM
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Made it through last night, but am feeling iffy now......what seems to act as the big trigger is my neck/jaw, and how much they hurt. My brain knows a few drinks will numb this, it is hard to deny...ah, but the costs. And the feeling of hopelessness over my body, that this stupid TMJ has no so lution after many attempts at 'treatment' that have driven me into deep debt......ug........I wish my body just felt OK, so I could think striaght.

HP
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Old 08-17-2009, 07:56 PM
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HP, what causes the TMJ? My jaw is clenched more often than not I'm afraid, so I'm no stranger to headaches and jaw pain. I'm with Windy on the chronic blackouts. Maybe you could at least hit it a little less hard? If sobriety isn't a priority, keeping yourself safe should be. Peace, DK
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Old 08-17-2009, 08:54 PM
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hey DK

hi Husky Pup - come on up to newcomers sometime if you like - I can't promise you won't get stepped - AAers are people too LOL....they're just trying to help...

but I'll always keep an eye on things when I'm there

I know the self medication trap - I have cerebral palsy - a few drinks or a few joints loosened me up and stopped the shakes and the pain'n'discomfort...until I got a whole new lot of problems along with the drinking/smoking....then both the weed and the booze didn't work so well...

there's got to be a better way to manage physical pain HP - preferably overseen by someone else

D
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Old 08-18-2009, 01:58 AM
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The self-medication trap IS malicious, my stepson (who also had cerebral palsy) drank himself to death.
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Old 08-18-2009, 03:58 AM
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I'm sorry for yr stepson - I came very close, CP.

It's so incremental, and so insidious - who knows better than you what you need, right?
Nearly everybody in my case as it turned out.

D
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