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Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part VI

Old 08-25-2009, 07:35 PM
  # 141 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet View Post
grats misty!

yay, id love to meet you=) Let me know if you see any places that have a closet or shed for rent in your search hahah=)
I did see an ad for a shed, but it ran 700 bucks!

Today, we visited a "studio" that is literally a converted barn without a bathroom unless you want to use the one in the house. Cost was over a grand. We will likely be leaving town.

Hopefully I will have a day free soon, if so I'll let you know and we can get together!
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Old 08-26-2009, 06:53 PM
  # 142 (permalink)  
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Old 08-26-2009, 07:49 PM
  # 143 (permalink)  
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knobman I miss you!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 08-26-2009, 08:02 PM
  # 144 (permalink)  
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HuskyPup I may never get my mind around suicide as an option...at least without the knowledge that I may have one day an illness that would certainly kill me. Like some slow agonizing deteriorating death kind of thing...but beyond that I have cultivated hope in the face of some direr conditions of life. How is it I can find hopefulness and then partake in that optimism when all seems lost and then have a grave problem with the mundane day to day living...when a single glimmer of hope seems illusive.

Maybe its the unrelenting trials and tribulations that bring forth hope. Maybe being seeped in the desperation of a life or death fight that I can summon forth a will to live beyond any recognizable capacity...a capacity I could have not reckoned to have resided within me otherwise.

All that I can suggest for you my friend is... do not give up on the fight for life but give away the fear of death so that the mysterious ways of striving above all circumstances takes hold...or so as I have experienced such. My way of saying: surrender to win.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:48 AM
  # 145 (permalink)  
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Dee, thanks for the links, I diod take a look at them, and maybe I should contact the Samaritans. One big problem is finding help I can afford, or is free….often, I am told I ‘make too much’….but with all my bills and garnishments, I take home almost nothing….so even if ‘on paper’ it says I make 30k, in reality, I make almost nothing. So finding ‘free’ help has been hard, ‘cause they generally look at income, and not debt……anyone have advice for how to get around this? Maybe those Samaritans will have some ideas.

Ananda, I hope better years are coming. It’s just very hard to picture right now……or how long it will take. I think that is the problem: a sober look at the bills, and making a budget has only made me think that things are even worse and more hopeless than I had pictured…….

Alera, I live in a rustic studio space in an old warehouse, artist lofts they call them. Very crude kitchen, we have a shower, though in our space, burners, but no oven. It has a great city view, but is in a sorta dicey area, lots of broken glass, we get hookers on the corner, guys as girls, mainly, though the police have been rounding them up more often, gives us something to watch.

Zen, I sure hope I can surrender to win, as you say, and find something to grasp hold of. This schedule change has not helped, next week is back to normal, but now suddenly, I have to wake up in the morning, and being a night shift worker, the adjustment has not happened, I’ve been functioning on maybe 3 hours of sleep a day nowfor the past three days, got real drunk last night, took pills, woke up to broken glass even inside the flat: I worry more about an OD than suicide, I lack the nerve for suicide, but an OD worries me more, one of my bfs co-workers just OD on pills and booze, and it sounded very similar to things I have taken……

Each day I wake up and am still alive seems like a kind of miracle right now, even if I drink or not…..I think, I am still living, I have done so for 41 years now, isn’t that something? All those times I thought I would die, all those plans I had made from the age of 12 on, and here I am. Alive, after all that.

On one hand, I have been very good at not pulling the plug…..on the other hand, I am pretty sure I know how. It’s funny, like that.

Maybe I ought to see a shrink soon, and just not pay for as long as I can get away with it. Then I might be able to file bankruptcy again in a year or two, will have to see when I last filed….and if it’s been 7 years……that would help……

Rambling……..

Trying to find ‘hope’ today, but being so tired…….

SP
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Old 08-27-2009, 05:08 PM
  # 146 (permalink)  
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My financial house was in such as wreck after all the years of using, charging up credit cards, living beyond my means, etc., I ended up filing for bankruptcy. I really didn't want to, as I didn't feel it was a very "responsible" way to deal with thing, but I got to the point where I was taking one step forward and two steps back.

I'm not sure what kind of debt you have, some can not be effected by bankruptcy, but even if you could look at credit councing and restructuring, it might help. If you are in NYC, or any big city for that matter, I know the cost of living can be crazy. Not sure what else to suggest other than trying to negotiate a more lienient deal with your creditors. Good luck, I know it's a tough place to be. Take care.
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Old 08-27-2009, 05:44 PM
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that was some spicy @ss pork !!
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Old 08-27-2009, 05:57 PM
  # 148 (permalink)  
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Old 08-27-2009, 08:19 PM
  # 149 (permalink)  
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Old 08-27-2009, 08:22 PM
  # 150 (permalink)  
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Tuzki Rabbit!! My favorite!!
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Old 08-27-2009, 10:33 PM
  # 151 (permalink)  
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Hi all. Staying sober here. No time to drink . . . no time for much of anything, but I guess that's good. I'm also losing some weight, which is great, but I could sure use a bit more sleep.

Rant Alert (decrying postmodernism - feel free to skip to the hug)

It's good thing that this is my last semester because I'm all out of patience with literary theory/criticism. If there is a bigger waste of academic effort in the western world, I can't imagine what it would be. How bad is it? . . . well, let me tell you:

Today's class studied "research" (which means a very different thing in Lit than it means in science) of a theory (which in Lit means "a notion"). It proposed that any contact between two men involves a sexual component and so is "homosocial" in nature ("queer theory" is all the rage in academia). The same theory applies to women. So, I asked in class what it meant if someone wants the companionship of a child - the class went dead silent. Then I asked what it meant if someone wants the companionship of a dog, and they cracked up.

Mind you, this trendy academic nonsense is not presented as simply as I've written it here and generally involves long strings of four and five syllable words. Example: A simple phrase such as "Contemporary buildings are alienating'' would be worded like this:

"Pre/post/spacialities of counter-architectural hyper-contemporaneity (re)commits us to an ambivalent recurrentiality of antisociality/seductivity, one enunciated in a de/gendered-Baudrillardian discourse of granulated subjectivity."


Every now and again in life, you run into something so spectacularly ridiculous that it's very existence seems impossible. Such is the state of English departments at universities across the free world. The professor of my class required a written response to the reading on homosocial theory. Mine began like this: “This essay struck me the same as most literary papers of that type, regardless of their subject: – as a multi-paged mass of impotent mental masturbation that possesses little meaning and accomplishes nothing." So, now the professor is going to think I'm a sh*t stirrer.

Remember: Friends don't let friends major in English.

Hugs to all.
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Old 08-27-2009, 10:36 PM
  # 152 (permalink)  
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nice oppositional reading there, misty

D
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Old 08-28-2009, 02:43 AM
  # 153 (permalink)  
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Picked up the keys today. Although we both have bad backs, I can guarantee the stress of finding a place was much worse than the physical packing.

I can tell things are calmer because our cats are sleeping tonight
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Old 08-28-2009, 05:27 AM
  # 154 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mistycshore View Post
Remember: Friends don't let friends major in English.

Hugs to all.
Your post literally made me LOL, Misty I was a French major and had to take a grad course, 3 hours a week, discussing Derrida's philosophy of deconstructionism...I can think of a whole lot of other, better ways to waste my time! So...

Friends don't let friends major in English, or French.
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Old 08-28-2009, 05:34 AM
  # 155 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by mistycshore View Post
Hi all. Staying sober here. No time to drink . . . no time for much of anything, but I guess that's good. I'm also losing some weight, which is great, but I could sure use a bit more sleep.

Rant Alert (decrying postmodernism - feel free to skip to the hug)

It's good thing that this is my last semester because I'm all out of patience with literary theory/criticism. If there is a bigger waste of academic effort in the western world, I can't imagine what it would be. How bad is it? . . . well, let me tell you:

Today's class studied "research" (which means a very different thing in Lit than it means in science) of a theory (which in Lit means "a notion"). It proposed that any contact between two men involves a sexual component and so is "homosocial" in nature ("queer theory" is all the rage in academia). The same theory applies to women. So, I asked in class what it meant if someone wants the companionship of a child - the class went dead silent. Then I asked what it meant if someone wants the companionship of a dog, and they cracked up.

Mind you, this trendy academic nonsense is not presented as simply as I've written it here and generally involves long strings of four and five syllable words. Example: A simple phrase such as "Contemporary buildings are alienating'' would be worded like this:

"Pre/post/spacialities of counter-architectural hyper-contemporaneity (re)commits us to an ambivalent recurrentiality of antisociality/seductivity, one enunciated in a de/gendered-Baudrillardian discourse of granulated subjectivity."


Every now and again in life, you run into something so spectacularly ridiculous that it's very existence seems impossible. Such is the state of English departments at universities across the free world. The professor of my class required a written response to the reading on homosocial theory. Mine began like this: “This essay struck me the same as most literary papers of that type, regardless of their subject: – as a multi-paged mass of impotent mental masturbation that possesses little meaning and accomplishes nothing." So, now the professor is going to think I'm a sh*t stirrer.

Remember: Friends don't let friends major in English.

Hugs to all.
good god that sounds horrible. you should take up welding.
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Old 08-28-2009, 06:31 AM
  # 156 (permalink)  
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day one...just coming clean..pretty humilitated...but... start where you are right?
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Old 08-28-2009, 09:04 AM
  # 157 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ananda View Post
day one...just coming clean..pretty humilitated...but... start where you are right?
"Start where you are right?" Most certainly Anan!!!

I'm about where you are...day 3 . Have been slipping up for some time now. So I'm back on track with upping my commitment to stay beer free as I have remained dope free for the past 3+ years. Going to my duel-diagnosis (addiction) IOP group at the clinic this morning and returning to bi monthly counseling (more if needed).

It is what it is so I'm not going to get all trippy about it. I did throughout the backsliding stay in addiction treatment with my other duel IOP (PTSD) group and regularery attended some self-help meetings and keep close to SR. That really, really helped me to minimize the possible damage that could have happened if I abandoned all treatment. So my motto "stay in addiction treatment no matter what" saved me some potential living nightmare stuff.

Anywho...I'm in good spirits (alcohol free ones ) and looking forward to the day ahead with some hope, optimism and joy.
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Old 08-28-2009, 09:40 PM
  # 158 (permalink)  
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Old 08-28-2009, 09:52 PM
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a multi-paged mass of impotent mental masturbation that possesses little meaning and accomplishes nothing
Ahhhhhh...the best reading I've had in a while...A nice metaphor for life itself.
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Old 08-29-2009, 08:33 AM
  # 160 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Daisy09 View Post

Friends don't let friends major in English, or French.
Friends don't let friends major in liberal arts.

Checking in, have been off here for a few days. I think I've pissed off a few people this week so I feel like I'm living right. I've noticed that people who were very nice when I put up with their b.s. don't take it so well when I won't let them get away with it. *Sigh* I despair of the species.
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