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Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part VI

Old 10-25-2009, 06:04 PM
  # 421 (permalink)  
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Sorry to be such a stranger, a few crazy weeks for me. I decided to check in as I really have no other support network for this, have not been brave enough to go to AA, too many weird things about it keep me away. The last thing I need is a program that dwells on ‘character defects’, and is centered around negatives: odd one never lists one’s character assets, or talks about how the ‘ego’, as the self, is the mediator between the drive for pleasure and the social values that hold it in check, a negotiator and not a nemesis. But I digress.

My old Dr. moved away, and the new one decided a few months back I should stop taking Klonopin, which I took for anxiety and TMJ related facial pain. So now it’s been 15 days totally off, and I’ve felt pretty freaked out, on and off. It’s starting to get better, but at first I thought I wasn’t gonna make it…panic, dread, digestive troubles, headaches, nausea, ouch. Not an easy med to stop, by any means. I’m hoping it will keep getting better, but am told it might be a few months. It’s one thing less to be taking into my body, so there is that, I feel more free, even if restless. I was taking about 1 mg. a day, sometimes less. Then I tapered down to .5mg for a few weeks, then the same amount every other day for 2 weeks. I wonder how long until I feel normal, assuming ‘normal’ comes back, or is something I can remember.

I have been spending more time on my furry site, meeting other people into animation, anthropomorphic animals, dressing up in crazy costumes, and discussing their affinity with nature and wildlife. Would be nice to meet some folks like that in real life, maybe one day.

I saw some amazing pictures by a German photographer/animal lover named Tanja Askani, here’s a link…go to the ‘Fotographie’ link, and there’s a number of albums, the ones with her dogs playing with foxes and wolves are fun, and on page two, there’s some amazing shots of a deer and a bunny hanging out together, nosing each other. Odd, but touching.

Tanja Askani - Wolfsexpertin, Fotografin und Autorin

Have not been drinking too much, went 7 days, and went out one night, but did not black out or wake up strung out, so that’s an improvement. Have drank once in the past two weeks, a week ago.

Hope you’re doing well, those prescription mood pills remind me of the dangers of psych meds, and how, when you stop, or even while you’re on them, it can sure be a living Hell!

Glad to be rid of them, the pharma business can takes their Prozac and all that, and shove it where the sun don’t shine.


H. Pup
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Old 10-25-2009, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by HuskyPup View Post
‘character defects’...centered around negatives

Dwelling on my negatives kills my self-esteem.


I have a tendency to do that. I already know what's wrong...now if I could just convince myself what's right with me.

I'm getting slightly better.

Sorry about the WD. Hang in there, HP.
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Old 10-25-2009, 11:10 PM
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Hope you're on the mend, Alera.

My weekend was AWESOME! My field trip was bomb, though my prof really ticked me off this morning. He woke up and announced that, after paying $50 for hotel rooms last night, he had decided to only go to our first of 4 stops today. He cut the trip short and we drove home. If he had really wanted to do that he could have trimmed a few minutes off each stop yesterday (including lunch), made an extra stop to see what we saw this morning, and gone home yesterday. That would have saved me a hotel bill. Geez, I'm in grad school here! Turns out he'd gone out with some of the students last night and they got hammered. That's right, my professor was too hung over to do his job that he dragged us 300 miles away to do. It's the only time I have really been upset about someone else's drinking.

And while I was gone someone broke into my apartment. All that's missing is my old laptop that I was about to chuck anyway because it's basically a sea anchor. It's not really a big loss but my roommate thinks he basically interrupted the crime. He came home and the front door was open, our video game stuff was pulled out and he was sure he smelled cigarette smoke. But he didn't notice anything gone so he didn't call the police. When I got home this afternoon my laptop was gone. We think we know who did it and we think he's actually tried to get in before (the security chain on the door was pulled out of the wall a couple weeks ago, but we each assumed the other had done it and never asked... but that means he tried to get in while I was here alone, because that's the only time the chain has been used) but since it wasn't reported promptly going to the police isn't going to help. My roommate has a felony record and since he was the only person here and didn't report it he's worried the police will think he did it. If we name the suspect it doesn't turn out well for us because the only reason we know him is he used to sell us coke. So, the loss of an old crappy laptop is going to have to be the cost of a lesson: don't hang out with thugs and don't do drugs. More than the laptop though, is that I'm just uncomfortable now. I'd be dead to the world right now, I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I hear every noise. Last week I posted on this thread that I dreamed someone tried to break in, and when I woke up there was someone on the front porch. My mom told me, "what if the dream was actually something you heard and it woke you up? You turned on the light in your room so whoever it was probably stepped out and shut the door quietly. You looked through the peep hole and since you were sleepy I almost guarantee you leaned against the door when you looked and he was standing out there, heard it, knew he'd been seen, and left." Yeah. That really makes me sleep better. Thanks, Mom.
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Old 10-26-2009, 06:29 AM
  # 424 (permalink)  
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gneiss, if you won't go to the police, can you at least have a chat with the super in charge of your apartment? Demand a better door and locks. Please. Listen to your mom...she makes sense.
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:46 AM
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Thanks Bam. I just called the maintenance office and asked them to come at least check the lock. I told them-- truthfully-- that I think something is wrong with it. It was ok when I moved in but since about a week after I moved in it's not been working quite right. Honestly, I know the guy's a thug but I never pegged him as a thief. However, he's very opportunistic. I know he was interested in that laptop (just proof he has no idea about computers. If he'd had half a clue he would have taken my roommate's netbook, which is about 5 times as powerful as the POS computer he took and it actually works... thank Whoever for ignorant criminals. Roommate's laptop would have actually been a significant loss), he had his eye on it every time he came over. So he probably came over to hang out or whatever, knocked on the door and it popped open. No one was here and he decided he was taking the laptop.

So here's the little kicker, the insult added to the injury. That laptop was crap anyway, the battery is old and doesn't charge, the hinge makes a creaking noise when you open the laptop so you know it's just about dead anyway, and the cord for the power supply is about to break and the wires are exposed... you get the idea. I'd be lucky to get $20 for it. But I had been watching my favorite movie and left the DVD in that laptop. That sucks. The DVD is probably worth more than the laptop.

It makes me want to request a move to another apartment. We both slept in the living room last night because we both kept getting up and walking around, checking the door, investigating every little noise. Gawd I can't wait for the locksmith to arrive.
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Old 10-26-2009, 06:54 PM
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still here.

still an idiot.
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Old 10-26-2009, 09:15 PM
  # 427 (permalink)  
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Hi, My name is Lisa. May I borrow your identity for a moment, I seemed to have misplaced mine!!
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Old 10-27-2009, 04:05 AM
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I'm not doing well at all.

Yesterday I scheduled an emergency therapy session for this morning....I'll be there in three hours. I'm still sober and I'm here.

I probably need different meds. When the meds don't work I'm not healthy at all. I don't like needing them...but the alternative is far worse.

Talk to you all later. Hugs for all.
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Old 10-27-2009, 08:37 AM
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That's good Bam, at least you have identified the problem and are taking positive steps toward working on it. Hope it helps, though as you know, med changes take awhile to take effect. Take care.
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:37 AM
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Talking

6 I persist with my addiction treatment efforts in a secular way and the current payoff is 62 continuous days clean & sober.
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:43 AM
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Congratulations, ZC.
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Old 10-27-2009, 11:24 AM
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good luck bam
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Old 10-27-2009, 02:12 PM
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Bam, so glad to hear your saw the possible issue and decided to do something positive. ZenCat, congrats on 67 days!
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Old 10-27-2009, 05:31 PM
  # 434 (permalink)  
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Still feeling a very bad withdrawl from those perscription mood pills. So far, I can group these mood pills in two classes:

1. Ones that work fairly well for anxiety, but are habit forming

2. Ones that make me variously blank, depersonalized, hyper, more anxious, unable to have sexual feelings, and generally more miserable.

I wonder, maybe some day meds will be less of a crap shoot.
I also wonder, will I ever feel 'normal' again, or have meds like these caused some kinda permanent change? Have I 'lost' myself in all of this?

Scary, scary, scary...I have lost all faith in these pill pushing Drs, they have failed so many times. It is weird, some people seem to be helped a lot, others, it has no effect, or makes matters worse.
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Old 10-27-2009, 05:55 PM
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Husky, I'm going through some crap with meds right now, too. I'm going to see my regular doctor...I don't have a psychiatrist right now. It could be my blood pressure meds messing me up or I maybe I hit a plateu with my psych meds...who knows.

When the meds work I'm fine...when they don't I'm a complete mess. If I ever get really bad going to the ER is always an option for me. I'm having a talk with my mom about the seriousness of this...I'm going to tell her what to watch out for if I ever get to the point to where I can't handle it.

Hope things work out well for you, Husky. Keep us posted. I'll be posting about my progress, too.
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Old 10-27-2009, 06:42 PM
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Hugs all around. Sounds like we all need it.

Hell, I could always use a hug. I'm just kinda blah today. I feel kinda run down. Honestly, I feel like I've been on about a 3-day bender but I haven't had any substances. I'm stressed out. But at least I'm still sober! I'm just chugging my iced tea and waiting for my roommate to cook dinner for me. At least I can talk him into that. Even if it's just guilt because he's behind on the rent... at least I get some dinner out of it!

Have a good night everyone.
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Old 10-28-2009, 05:39 AM
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I stopped the meds I had been on a couple of months ago, it seems sometimes that I have been taking anti depressants my whole life.

Although I wouldn't say I was depressed while taking them I was almost completely emotionally numb, this made my life managable but miserable.

I can remember in the past when I started taking a different type of anti depressants I would get an almost immediate lift which eventually disappeared leading me to switch tablets again.

I don't know if this qualifies as abusing the drugs but it seems to me that if I could become immune to the effects of one of them after a while, maybe I could become resistant to the whole family of SSRI's over time.

Of course this is all conjecture (and all my switching etc was done under the care of a doctor) but at the moment, having been off them for a while, I feel that I have done the right thing by trying this.

I get some very down days and some anxiety but I feel more alive than I have for years, being sober of course helps.

I want to give my brain chemistry some time to settle down before I decide whether I need to go back on meds again (I'm not daft if I start suffering I will try again) all I can hope is that being sober will enable me to work on any issues that might arise.
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Old 10-28-2009, 01:54 PM
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I'm getting things taken care of. It'll take some time...but I'm getting help.


Whatever you do, don't watch Paranormal Activity. I know...yes....I watch that crap sometimes. This was not scary or thrilling in the least. I almost fell asleep during the first half of the movie.


'Scary' movies suck anymore. That's two hours of my life I would love to have back.
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Old 10-28-2009, 02:24 PM
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Ha despite the fact I don't believe in any kind of paranormal activity, ghosts or whatever I love both scary films and books.

I also like a bit of sci-fi and fantasy lol shame on me
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Old 10-28-2009, 10:28 PM
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Still here.

Love me some ghost stories! And I think while there is a possibility things paranormal exist, mostly it's just good entertainment.

Sleepy tonight. Guess I'll go to bed.
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