Blogs


Notices

Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part VI

Old 09-16-2009, 01:39 PM
  # 241 (permalink)  
Not all better, getting better
 
tyler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Blog Entries: 8
Originally Posted by jamdls View Post
I too often turned to drinking because of a life long problem of insomnia. Now I tend to eat when I can't sleep and primarily junk food...Starting last month for 3 weeks straight I wasn't sleeping more than 2-4 hours a night I was becoming so angry and everyone and everything, my panic attacks were also increasing due to the lack of sleep. 1 night I even starting screaming at my little Pekingnese just because she was looking at me--that was the last straw- I made an appt with my dr and went to see her last Friday. She gave me a RX for klonopin(sp?) and I've only taken 2 pills since Friday (I took a whole 1 the first day and just 1/2 on 2 other days) and I'M SLEEPING AGAIN! I'm calmer and I can relax, life is good again.
Is it klonopin or clonidine? Klonopin is a benzo similar to Xanax, Librium, Ativan, etc. I used to take Xanax to help me sleep, but my new doctor felt that given it's addictive nature, and my history of drug and alcohol abuse, that it was not the best choice.

I have been having more sleep issues since coming off of it and she suggested clonidine. It has been traditionally perscribed to help with withdrawl symptons and cravings, but more recently has been perscirbed to help with insomnia. I haven't started taking it yet, but I understand it to be helpful with sleep, while not being addictive.

Either way, I'm glad you are finally getting some sleep. I've had periods like that as well and they can make you go crazy!! Take care.
tyler is offline  
Old 09-16-2009, 01:41 PM
  # 242 (permalink)  
Not all better, getting better
 
tyler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Blog Entries: 8
Happy birthday SR!!!

Just wanted to mention that yesterday (Sept. 15th) was the ninth aniversary of the founding of SR!!

:day1
tyler is offline  
Old 09-16-2009, 02:34 PM
  # 243 (permalink)  
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
 
HuskyPup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Hey Daisy, thanks for the warm welcome, It made me happy to see it.

Gneiss, sorry to hear about your sleep problems. I have very similar, long-time issues with this as well. Have you tried Kava Kava? This seemed to help a bit, very calming. I ordered the powdered root from Hawaii, and made an 'iced' tea with it in the traditional manner.

As for me, my own life has been a disaster. I need to get it together, but keep f*cking up.

Back to day one and a half.

Ooooooooof. This has often been a pattern: Somebody dies, I then drink, and it happened again, this time, ironically with Poet/Sometimes singer/song-writer Jim Carroll. It seemed to have a particularly strong connection to his song, ''People who died", which I first heard in the company of my not then but present boyfriend some 23 years ago on the 10th floor of a college dorm. It's a song I have always felt especially close to. But what irony: the mixture of booze and sedatives could have easily put me in his company.

I need to work on this 'hidden' death-wish, I think, in order to make some progress. I can't deny it's there, and not thinking of it/mentioning it doesn't seem to help much, either.

Well, another day, hoping this one can be better,

HP

Lyrics, "People who died"

Teddy sniffing glue, he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

G-berg and Georgie let their gimmicks go rotten
So they died of hepatitis in upper Manhattan
Sly in Vietnam took a bullet in the head
Bobby OD'd on Drano on the night that he was wed
They were two more friends of mine
Two more friends that died

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room
Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs
Judy jumped in front of a subway train
Eddie got slit in the jugular vein
And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others
And I salute you brother

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Herbie pushed Tony from the Boys' Club roof
Tony thought that his rage was just some goof
But Herbie sure gave Tony some bitchen proof
"Hey," Herbie said, "Tony, can you fly?"
But Tony couldn't fly, Tony died

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Brian got busted on a narco rap
He beat the rap by rattin' on some bikers
He said, "Hey, I know it's dangerous, but it sure beats Riker's"
But the next day he got offed by the very same bikers

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Teddy sniffing glue, he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

G-berg and Georgie let their gimmicks go rotten
So they died of hepatitis in upper Manhattan
Sly in Vietnam took a bullet in the head
Bobby OD'd on Drano on the night that he was wed
They were two more friends of mine
Two more friends that died

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room
Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs
Judy jumped in front of a subway train
Eddie got slit in the jugular vein
And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others
And I salute you brother

Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

...Jim Carroll Band.....
HuskyPup is offline  
Old 09-16-2009, 10:22 PM
  # 244 (permalink)  
Never settle.
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
Thanks everyone for your suggestions and love. I think I'm about to fall asleep (although it's staying asleep that's been a bigger problem). I'll catch up later.
gneiss is offline  
Old 09-17-2009, 06:32 AM
  # 245 (permalink)  
Member
 
jamdls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Blog Entries: 2
Originally Posted by tyler View Post
Is it klonopin or clonidine? Klonopin is a benzo similar to Xanax, Librium, Ativan, etc. I used to take Xanax to help me sleep, but my new doctor felt that given it's addictive nature, and my history of drug and alcohol abuse, that it was not the best choice.

.
It says clonazepam substituted for klonopin (low dose .5mg); I also take clonidine but it was prescribed to me for high blood pressure but she did tell me at the time I started taking it (2 yrs ago) that it would help w/insomnia as well
jamdls is offline  
Old 09-17-2009, 06:39 AM
  # 246 (permalink)  
Member
 
jamdls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Blog Entries: 2
Originally Posted by HuskyPup View Post
Back to day one and a half.

Ooooooooof. This has often been a pattern: Somebody dies, I then drink, and it happened again, this time, ironically with Poet/Sometimes singer/song-writer Jim Carroll. It seemed to have a particularly strong connection to his song, ''People who died", which I first heard in the company of my not then but present boyfriend some 23 years ago on the 10th floor of a college dorm. It's a song I have always felt especially close to. But what irony: the mixture of booze and sedatives could have easily put me in his company.

I need to work on this 'hidden' death-wish, I think, in order to make some progress. I can't deny it's there, and not thinking of it/mentioning it doesn't seem to help much, either.

.....
Husky as long as you keep trying that's the important part. You may die trying but hey that beats just giving up. I had the death wish for over 30 yrs and it often wasn't so hidden. My surroundings/job/family/etc haven't changed in the last 2 yrs but was HAS changed is -- through sobriety I now love life and I have gained the strength to forgive-my self-my abusers-my circumstances and I no longer have a death wish (course I still smoke and some say that's a death wish) I have strong Christian beliefs so I do not fear death at all, when my time comes I will go out smiling but I now know and accept that choosing when that time is is NOT my choice.
There is so much freedom in sobriety I pray you find that freedom and peace.
jamdls is offline  
Old 09-17-2009, 02:13 PM
  # 247 (permalink)  
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Thread Starter
 
shockozulu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Still trying to shake off the death of Mary Travers of Peter, Paul, and Mary. I grew up to their music, and was planning to see them recently when she got ill again.
shockozulu is offline  
Old 09-17-2009, 03:26 PM
  # 248 (permalink)  
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
 
HuskyPup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
I feel I am at a turning point. I am wore out, feel a bit feverish, but like maybe I can turn my life around. About three days ago, I was in a state of total delirium from drinking/sedatives that very nearly had me in the hospital, or off to Happy Hills. So I have decided I can't drink anymore. It’s hard, as I used to work in the wine business, but these days, I feel like I am playing with fire: my moods + drinking = a huge mess.

I never drank every day, but when I do, I go too far, can't remember things, and worry I will jump out a window in such a state, do something stupid. So it's been three days, and I'm trying to watch my health/body, and shake off this death- wish/reckless living.

I'm also tapering off my psych meds, and looking for a more natural approach. I feel sometimes I am in danger of losing myself, and want what I had, long ago, that boy who so much wanted to accomplish great things, back.

Judy, thanks for your support. I am really trying to believe that things can get better. That has been a huge problem for me: believing in things. Such a pessimist, I have long been!

Alera, you mention you are a resident Goth.....does this mean you liked bands like Bauhaus, Joy Division, The Cocteau Twins, This Mortal Coil, The Cure, and the ilk????? Curious!

HP
HuskyPup is offline  
Old 09-17-2009, 03:32 PM
  # 249 (permalink)  
Big Idiot Man Child
 
windysan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: La
Posts: 5,664
Love this one....

YouTube - Bauhaus - She's in Parties
windysan is offline  
Old 09-17-2009, 07:58 PM
  # 250 (permalink)  
Not all better, getting better
 
tyler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Blog Entries: 8
Originally Posted by HuskyPup View Post
Alera, you mention you are a resident Goth.....does this mean you liked bands like Bauhaus, Joy Division, The Cocteau Twins, This Mortal Coil, The Cure, and the ilk????? Curious!

HP
Ahhh, brings me back to my early 90's days in college radio!!! Played them all, liked them all to some degree!!

Congrats on your newfound determination Husky, that's really the biggest step. Making up your mind and sticking to it through thick and thin. It's not an easy road, but a necessary one.

One thing I would mention regarding the psych meds...is your doctor aware you are trying to ween off thes meds?? This really should be done under a doctors supervision as it can be more harmful than helpful sometimes. I know many of us want to be more "natural", but usually the best thing you can do in this regard is to get off the alcohol and see how you are doing off of that, then take on the meds. Just a thought, best of luck!! Take care.
tyler is offline  
Old 09-18-2009, 10:22 AM
  # 251 (permalink)  
☯ ⓌⒾⓁⓁ☯
 
Zencat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 8,279
Blog Entries: 12
Originally Posted by tyler
Congrats on your newfound determination Husky, that's really the biggest step. Making up your mind and sticking to it through thick and thin. It's not an easy road, but a necessary one.
Husky~ Like Windys 2-Step program suggest: "don't do dope" has been practiced by me. What I did to counter those early urges that come on strong right after I stopping using was to dig deep in my firm resolve to not pick up. It also helped me to wright out why I was not going to pick up. Like I would convince myself that 'I can do this because' and then list my strengths.


I can do this because:
  • I'm very determined to make healthy choices.
  • I'm in charge of my actions.
  • I'm learning new ways to seek support.
  • Urges may be powerful but I can resist them all.
  • (continue with more positive affirmations)
Zencat is offline  
Old 09-18-2009, 10:43 AM
  # 252 (permalink)  
☯ ⓌⒾⓁⓁ☯
 
Zencat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 8,279
Blog Entries: 12
Goth check-in time:




Zencat is offline  
Old 09-18-2009, 10:50 AM
  # 253 (permalink)  
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
 
HuskyPup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Hi Tyler, thanks for your concern. My Dr. knows about this tapering off, the only thing I take is Klonopin(also cheap), which has been working less and less anyway. It was also for pain/TMJ, as it relaxes the facial muscles, sometimes you see it used for fibromyalgia and such. So I'm a bit more moody tapering off, but I can't say I trust psych meds much, have tried so many, and none have helped, except habit-forming sedatives, and then, only for a time. The others make me hyper, paranoid, tense, sleepless, sexless and miserable, especially the newer SSRIs and things like Wellbutrin.....worst I have ever felt.

Hey Zen, I have also tried to list reasons not to pick up, things that might give me strength:

My health, my sanity, my connection to other creative interests…it is day 4 now. I’m feeling OK, if not a bit sore/sleepy, but alright otherwise.

Some bozo decided it would be cute to totally knock the passengers side rear-view mirror off the car, and odd, that side was facing the sidewalk. I recovered the pieces, now wonder how to put them back on, maybe epoxy them? Am worried about getting pulled over for not having a mirror (ironic, getting pulled over and getting a ticket for being the victim of a crime, but such is city life). Also, about the cost, as money has been very bad where my bf waits tables; for the past two weeks, he has made about 60% of normal, and it’s scary, how we can live if it does not get better. It must feel weird to own a house, a car that runs OK…..not to be one mishap away from disaster. Has been like this for me since I graduated college 20 years ago with an English degree and debt: never did land a job/situation that paid the bills, 3.7 GPA or not. Have always been doubtful that effort=reward. Mabye sometimes.

Well, need to go…….

Thanks for all the input here,

HP
HuskyPup is offline  
Old 09-18-2009, 11:57 AM
  # 254 (permalink)  
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Thread Starter
 
shockozulu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Originally Posted by HuskyPup View Post
Alera, you mention you are a resident Goth.....does this mean you liked bands like Bauhaus, Joy Division, The Cocteau Twins, This Mortal Coil, The Cure, and the ilk????? Curious!

HP
You forgot Siouxsie Sioux!
shockozulu is offline  
Old 09-18-2009, 02:07 PM
  # 255 (permalink)  
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
 
HuskyPup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Ha! Was going to list her as well, but was to scared to atempt the spelling:P

HP
HuskyPup is offline  
Old 09-18-2009, 08:24 PM
  # 256 (permalink)  
Never settle.
 
gneiss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Under immense pressure
Posts: 1,505
HP, I'm glad you've turned that corner.

Sounds like folks are generally doing well and making good choices, from what I read. I'm proud of us.

I'm in TX on a field trip. Which means everyone else in my class is at the bar next door and I'm about to go to sleep in this... er.... lovely hotel we're staying at. I wonder if they charge extra for the stained towels? Maybe they're tie-dyed! Yeah, I have tie-dyed towels!! I'll just keep telling myself that. I'm not snobby about motels, when I choose where to stay it's usually a Motel 6 or something similar. But seriously, bleach isn't that expensive.

Yesterday I had one of the hardest exams I've ever taken (who would have thought geophysics could be so hard?), then I had to get up early this morning, didn't feel good, was bounced along in a 15-passenger van for about 9 hours, got a sunburn, had creepy stains on my motel towels, and had burned, cold food for dinner because the take-out place I went to really had a bad night cooking. But hey, I'm not in the bar with my classmates because I'll just feel crappy tomorrow. I've come a long way I think because my thought process has changed. A few months ago I would have gone to the bar because I had a bad day. Now I know it'll just make me have another bad day, and who wants that?
gneiss is offline  
Old 09-19-2009, 12:09 AM
  # 257 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: France
Posts: 783
Good going Gneiss !
californiapoppy is offline  
Old 09-19-2009, 01:33 AM
  # 258 (permalink)  
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Thread Starter
 
shockozulu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
WTG, Gneiss. Nothing worse than a field trip with a hang-over. Been there, done that.
shockozulu is offline  
Old 09-19-2009, 05:02 AM
  # 259 (permalink)  
Not all better, getting better
 
tyler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Blog Entries: 8
Originally Posted by gneiss View Post
(who would have thought geophysics could be so hard
Uh.....Me!! Gotta be easier without a hangover though!!
tyler is offline  
Old 09-19-2009, 02:17 PM
  # 260 (permalink)  
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
 
HuskyPup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Day 5 here, a bit scared feeling, mainly about money. The car needs work, and not just the side miror, which I still need to figure out how to fix. I'm woried how I will get to work, if I can't maintian this car, and have no money/the worst credit for another. But doing OK, I guess, given the messy state things are in.

HP
HuskyPup is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:52 AM.