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Fantabulous Secular Connections Check-in Part VI

Old 09-13-2009, 11:38 PM
  # 221 (permalink)  
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Sup! I used to "belong" to this thread, but I have too many issues so I have to spend time in the codie and family and friends sections too

The last addiction I decided to ditch was booze, but I have also abused valium and meth, and used pot, coke, shrooms, acid, and what not enough to forgive my body all of its ailments if it will forgive me hahah.

I just moved back to my high school town, santa barbara california and it is pure bliss after living in the dessert for a decade+
I work a very physical job meant for a 20 year old male, and my 43 year old body is in better shape than I have been in 20 years, but man am I sore!!

I left a pack of wonderful dogs behind with my daughter and ex when I moved, but have 2 jack russells here that belong to my roomie. I love working with kids and the elderly, I love animals, water and the weather. I love being outside and ice cream.

I have strong spiritual pulls now that make me almost a fraud here, but I like these folks so I just pop in now and then anyway.

windy sort of scares me, but his sobriety program rocks.
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Old 09-14-2009, 01:25 PM
  # 222 (permalink)  
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Hi Alera, nice to meet you, I had no idea fiorinal/fioricet was a true barbiturate, I had always thought those were pretty much phased out long ago. Was kinda surprised just to see the term barbiturate, reminded me of Marilyn Monroe and Hank Williams, Sr.
But sounds like a struggle.

I have similar issues with chronic facial pain brought about by TMJ, and no great way yet to treat it....so have on and off self medicated, sometimes prescription medicated, but never have had the money to get it 'fixed' the way they suggest, inasmuch as that outcome is anything approaching assured.

Tyler, I had always wanted to have kids, is probably too late now to get our acts together and adopt, at ages 41 and 42 with MOUNDS of debt. It's something I think must be really wonderful. Well, maybe I will hit the lottery soon. Costs like 10k to 20k for gays to adopt, legal fees and all......not to mention, they look at your state of financial health, and in my case, they'd probably faint. Well, a pipe dream, so to speak, and not to introduce any kind of mixed metaphor.

Day three here, feeling OK, if not a bit crabby.

Gypsy, nice to see you here, what is Windy's sobriety program? He seems funny & like a nice guy, but doesn't say too much............rather an enigma.

Hope all are well,

HP
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Old 09-14-2009, 03:20 PM
  # 223 (permalink)  
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Gosh, I guess I know how to kill a thread!
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Old 09-14-2009, 04:07 PM
  # 224 (permalink)  
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C'mon, why so shy?
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Old 09-14-2009, 05:34 PM
  # 225 (permalink)  
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Husky has me LOLin every time I read his stuff. Husky, I'm from Louisiana so I follow my own "two step" program.

Step 1 - don't do dope
Step 2 - see Step 1
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Old 09-14-2009, 06:06 PM
  # 226 (permalink)  
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Husky, just tuckered, not ignoring you.

I'm 49, a full time student, working full time, have two little dogs, a hundred-year-old house that wants to fall down, a husband of 30 years (he's a keeper ), two grown children and my first grandchild is due exactly one week from today.

I first tried to stop drinking almost 20 years ago and fell into to AA (it was a hard landing). I'm doing better since I don't pretend that I fit in there, or even want to fit in there. I'm not around sr too much anymore (and tend to be overly outspoken when I am), but I love it here and love the people and have found it to be a wonderful resource - both for emotional support and for wide-range of ideas on how to approach recovery.

Glad you're here!

My daughter owns one pure husky (short-haired, blue-eyed beauty) and one husky mix who was a rescue dog - big-time rescue: poor thing had a hip so badly fractured that vets had to redesign the joint to be a "floating joint" - like our shoulders are. (PSA: Please do not leave dogs to ride unprotected in the bed of a pickup - it's terribly dangerous.) Both dogs are strikingly intelligent, physically beautiful and endlessly lovable. If I ever figure out how to do it, I'll post pictures of my "grand-dogs".

Wecome to SR.
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Old 09-14-2009, 06:16 PM
  # 227 (permalink)  
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Thanks for white and nerdy, D. I cracked up over that the other night. I love Weird Al. He's my hero.
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Old 09-14-2009, 06:24 PM
  # 228 (permalink)  
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Al is legend

I don't want to hog the thread but Husky? This song says more about me than any post every could




D
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Old 09-14-2009, 07:16 PM
  # 229 (permalink)  
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Last night, I was really jumpy at work (too much caffeine maybe). Then this YOUNG, skeleton of guy came in. The only time that I've seen eyes that red was in people who had suffered head injury. He seemed wired and was asking for food. I work in a hotel - the only food available to guests in the middle of the night is the junk in the vending machine. The hotel has an adjacent restaurant, but it had closed hours before and I don't have access to the kitchen. He seemed so desperate and he had a little dog with him. He must have known he scared me because he apologized for "talking to me" and ran out. I watched him for a bit and he tried to tear apart the ashtray outside (it's screwed shut). The episode did upset me - the depth and profundity of his desperation was both scary and heart-breaking.

There was food in an employee fridge that I might have offered him. I didn't because 1) He scared me; 2) I've been warned that if you give the homeless help from behind the front desk, they'll be back, probably in the morning, when the manager is there. When they get dejected there, they'll haunt the place at night.

I feel torn between feeling unfeeling and feeling the reality that I am alone there at night. I don't want to invite trouble . . . or feed the possibility of it.
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Old 09-14-2009, 08:28 PM
  # 230 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Bamboozle View Post
Thanks for white and nerdy, D. I cracked up over that the other night. I love Weird Al. He's my hero.
I spent most of last night watchin Wierd Al videos on YouTube. I guess I truly am White and Nerdy!!!

Husky...yes my son is the love of my life, I'm ashamed to admit how long it took me to really realize that. As are most addicts, I have always been very self-centered, not the best trait for a parent. Fortunately my ex-wife is as focused on others as I have been self centered, so she has been there when I haven't. It is something I am activally working on, sometimes more successfuly than others.

BTW, I don't think you are "killing the room" or anything. This just isn't the most active forum here at SR. Most of the posting goes on early in the morning or in the evenings. Congrats on the 3 days! Keep at it!!! Take care.
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Old 09-14-2009, 08:33 PM
  # 231 (permalink)  
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I'm an easy-going person for the most part. My political inclinations are of the communist variety with a strong desire to thwart all GOP policies. I enjoy reading and applying the Zen philosophy to my day to day life. I also like the Wicca way as an interest...also the Native Americans interest me too. When ever I can I'll go to a Pow Wow. I think the fancy dancers are so cool to watch. There is open dance too where everybody can join the circle and do what I call the two step shuffle. I also like artsy fartsy stuff...the stranger the better. I do a little drawing and painting or use my old photo editing computer program to make some crazy stuff.

My DOC was weed, whites and wine to quote: 'Willin' Little Feat. But I used/abused every sort of drug I could get my little sweaty paws on. In the past three and three quarter years I have made some good progress in my duel-diagnosis addiction treatment...even with the periodical back-sliding I would maintain my treatment, abet at lower levels, I still trudged onward.

Last edited by Zencat; 09-14-2009 at 08:39 PM. Reason: ops-e-dopsy
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Old 09-14-2009, 09:11 PM
  # 232 (permalink)  
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I feel like a moral failure. If I'd have given him food (which was all he asked for), maybe it could have made a difference. I can always call 911 and we have security service on call too.

This was not a one-time incident (just the first time for me). I hear it happens all the time. My husband and I live downtown and we're used to that here - the soup kitchens and homeless shelter are all within 1/2 mile of my house. But work is in a business area that is near the airport (not the railroad), and is "visitor" oriented = no resources for homeless people. I never would have imagined that that particular population (desperate and starving and addicted or whatever) was prevalent there. I worked in the area 20 years ago (for an attorney), and am pretty positive that I never once saw a homeless person in that area of town. Maybe that's indicative of how bad things are.

Just airing thoughts and trying to figure out the contradiction between what I think I should be and what I actually am when the rock the meets the hard place.
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Old 09-15-2009, 02:23 AM
  # 233 (permalink)  
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Misty

when you're working at a soup kitchen, you're working at a soup kitchen - when you're at work...

One of the hardest lessons I have to learn is I can't do everything and it's not always down to me to fix everything - and that's not a cop out...having realistic expectations of myself is one of the planks in my recovery.

Give some money to the charity of your choice or volunteer at a shelter if the (misplaced) guilt is getting to you Misty. The fact you are still thinking about this is a good thing, and is a real insight into your character. Beating yourself up over it tho? bad thing.

D
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Old 09-15-2009, 06:19 AM
  # 234 (permalink)  
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Hi all,

Misty, I understand what you're saying. Maybe for your own peace of mind & heart you could keep the phone number of a shelter in your purse to give out in case anything like this happens again...

Hi Husky! I'm a bit of a lurker, but the fact that you got Windy to post a pic of himself in that chicken suit really made me LOL I am 38, have two unbelievably fantastic little girls, and my husband is recovering from a heroin/cocaine addiction. I'm kind of the token "Friends & Family" here in Secular Connections, but my husband's and my lack of faith in a "higher power", as well as my decision to stick by him while he'g going through this difficult time, made me feel kind of out of place on the F&F board, where I got lot's of "cut & run" advice. Everyone here has been very welcoming to me, so I'll like to return the favor and welcome you

Daisy

BTW - "UHF" is one of my favorite movies
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Old 09-15-2009, 05:11 PM
  # 235 (permalink)  
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Still here. That's the best I can do today. I haven't slept well in a few nights. Nightmares, every night. I even had one while taking a nap on the couch the other day. I'm exhausted. I have an exam Thursday and it's interview season on campus, so I am supposed to get resumes out to company reps but I haven't yet. All the oil companies are here in the next month or so. No pressure, right? It's only your career! Haha. I'm stressing out.
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Old 09-15-2009, 06:30 PM
  # 236 (permalink)  
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Just breathe Gneiss...prioritise...work to the best of your ability...stay sober...take as good care of yourself as you can...it's all any of us can do.

D
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Old 09-15-2009, 10:40 PM
  # 237 (permalink)  
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Thanks, Dee. I think my main problem is that I can't sleep. Everything else just kinda sucks because I'm tired. These nightmares though... I don't really want to go to sleep. It's getting that bad. They are the most realistic dreams I've ever had and I end up feeling weird the entire next day. It'll pass.
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Old 09-15-2009, 10:45 PM
  # 238 (permalink)  
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Have you ever been in our Insomnia forum?
I haven't but it's gotta be worth a read?

Insomnia/Nightmares - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D
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Old 09-16-2009, 08:22 AM
  # 239 (permalink)  
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I understand what you are talking about with the insominia. It has pretty much always been an issue for me. It is one of the main reasons I started using and drinking in the first place. My mind just races on about all kinds of stupid stuff. Things that happened during the day, song lyrics, past screw ups, future worries, it can be anything, but it goes on for hours. It really doesn't matter how physically exusted I am, it always takes at least an hour, sometime several for me to get to sleep. I used to have a Xanax perscription for this, but my new doctor took me off of it. I always took it as perscribed and have been on it for at least 3 years, but I can understand my doctors concerns given my addiction issues.

I used to get terribly frustrated when I couldn't sleep, but lately I've seemed to be more able to just "deal with it" and fall asleep when it comes to me. I'm not really sure why this change has come about, but I've been clean now for about 5 months, so perhaps that has something to do with it.

As far as dreams go, I have been fortunate not to have to deal with many nightmares, but my dreams in general are very vivid and I actually remember them when I get up. I know when I was using, I rarely dreamed or if I did, I never remembered it. That must really suck to desperatly want to sleep, but to be afraid to do so.

My young son has insominia and nightmare issues as well (I guess he was destined as both his mom and I have suffered from it our whole lives). His psychologist suggested several thing for him. Establish a bedtime routine. Try to do the same thing every night at the same time. It's best not to do "stimulating" things like watching TV right before bed. A bath or warm drink right before bed can help as well. Use your bed only for sleeping, don't read or watch TV there, let your body know that when it's there, it's time for sleep. Relaxation breathing or meditation can be helpful when you first lie down.

I think a lot of it is just our bodies getting used to sleeping without the assistance of drugs or alcohol. That will usually work itself out over time. Hang in there and try not to return to the drink just to get to sleep. I know I've used that as an excuse to go back to smoking time and time again, and all it did was prolong the pain. Take care.
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Old 09-16-2009, 02:02 PM
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I too often turned to drinking because of a life long problem of insomnia. Now I tend to eat when I can't sleep and primarily junk food...Starting last month for 3 weeks straight I wasn't sleeping more than 2-4 hours a night I was becoming so angry and everyone and everything, my panic attacks were also increasing due to the lack of sleep. 1 night I even starting screaming at my little Pekingnese just because she was looking at me--that was the last straw- I made an appt with my dr and went to see her last Friday. She gave me a RX for klonopin(sp?) and I've only taken 2 pills since Friday (I took a whole 1 the first day and just 1/2 on 2 other days) and I'M SLEEPING AGAIN! I'm calmer and I can relax, life is good again.
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