Feeling better now I'm back on track with my duel diagnosis addiction treatment. Partial treatment equals part time sobriety...strange that I can forget that http://bestsmileys.com/silly/9.gif. But staying in treatment however limited it was did save me from going back out with vengeance.

Me being on psych med's makes for screwy dreams. Sometimes I wake feeling betrayed by my unconscious...kinda like being victimized by my brain. I relive old behaviors that brought me plenty of shame when I was was in full on addiction. So sometimes I awake feeling all those old emotions. Ah but it is what it is...dreams...thank my lucky charms for that.

I just heard a news story that kinda sent chills down my spine. Last night I went out to The Strip, which is a 2-block area right off campus with a bunch of bars. I had a couple drinks with a friend (yeah, I know. I'm back on the wagon today), we met some guy that we talked to for a while and barhopped with him. We ran out of money and went home, no big deal. I just heard on the news that last night while I was out on The Strip a 40-something man brought his 24-year-old son to town and went to The Strip. The son has some emotional problems and was "looking for someone to hurt." It didn't matter who it was, and his dad actually drove him to town to let him find a drunk college kid to hurt. Who does that? Anyway, I guess he found some 19-year-old kid at the bars (they hardly ever check IDs when it's quiet at the bars around here, it's pretty normal for 19- and 20-year-olds to be in the bars) and took him out to the lake where I take my walks and beat him up pretty badly. Some guys fishing found him this morning, he was still alive but he couldn't talk because he was kicked in the throat. He wrote a note to the police and they found the guy who beat him up. I have no idea who the kid was, it's possible (though unlikely) that it was the guy we were barhopping with.

That's terrifying, easily could have been me. It's been weird. I did some coke a couple weeks ago and the next day started hearing all sorts of stories about people who overdosed on coke. And now I got this sort of cosmic warning about drinking and hanging out in bars. I'm feeling quite unsettled at the moment.

AND...

This guy in my Basin Evolution class has a roommate who got Swine Flu. And tonight the guy in my class missed class with a fever and sore throat. Not cool. So now I feel like I narrowly avoided being killed and have been exposed to swine flu .That is uber bad because I drank for a few days and my immune system is probably shot because of it.

FML.

Gneiss, your life is important, don't play around with it,drugs and alcohol make for a miserable life. Get back on the wagon, hang out with non users and non drinkers, and really think about what a life is like when all you have is your addiction. I'm sure you can't be really happy and addicted at the same time. Addiction destroys.

Ca... yup. I'm back to it. And I actually got some stuff done today. Like straightened out my bank account after the last week (I refuse to add up how much I spent last week... the overdraft fees were enough of a reminder). Went to class. Got some homework done. Feeling good now, didn't drink last night and I'm good. Each bad night being dragged behind the wagon is a little easier to recover from now, they get easier as they get farther apart. It's gonna be ok. Thanks!

Hope everyone else is doing excellently!

Some random thoughts...

Dreams
Been having very vivid dreams lately. I think some of it is from not smoking or drinking as much, and part due to med change. My new doctor has taken me off Effexor and Xanax and started me on Wellbutren and Naltrexon. I am still taking Trazadone, mostly to help me get to sleep.

The dreams are very real and non stop all night, or maybe I'm just remembering them now. I've been dreaming a lot about my ex-wife, whom I still am very much in love with. In some of the dreams she is herself, and in others she is another person, but still looks like her. She's in my dreams almost every night in some fashion. It's actually quite nice and comforting, I hate to wake up sometimes.

I've also had dreams that in the past were "stress dreams", mostly from when I used to work in radio. In the past it's always been everything happening at once, screwing up on the air, etc., but lately it's been more plesant stuff, more being sucessful with it. It's not that I have any thoughts of going back to that business, but at least maybe I'm not as stressed. Anyway, for the most part, they have been plesant dreams, so that's nice.

My brother's wedding

I went to California for my brothers wedding last weekend. It went pretty well. I begged out of the bachelor party, I was tired and thought it was probably for the best anyway. As it was a "Napa Valley" wedding, there was much wine at the rehersal dinner and the reception. I really did fairly well. I had about 3, fairly small, glasses at the rehersal dinner, which was over the course of 3 hours. And I think 6 glasses at the wedding and reception, which was over about 6 1/2 hours.

I didn't feel "drunk" at all. I felt like I drank fairly "normally", more than some people, and less than others. I didn't feel any after effects the next morning or anything and no desire to drink further afterward. I haven't drank since, and that was 4 days ago. So I hope maybe the Naltrexone is doing it's job.

One thing was interesting though. Sunday night I went over to my brothers house to copy some music from him. I know he and his wife occasionally smoke pot. They would never do it around me as they are aware of the havoc it has wrecked in my life over the past 20 years. Anyway, I've been clean from pot for almost 5 months now, the longest time is 20+ years. I was starting to become fairly comfortable about being "done with it" When I was in his office copying the music, I could smell what had to be some killer bud somewhere in his desk. All I could think about was trying to get him out of the room so I could pinch a little out of his bag. I'm not sure if he sensed this or not, but he hung around the whole time, so fortunately I had no chance. It may have just been good luck, as he has no sense of smell after an accident a few years ago, so I know he didn't smell it. He may have picked up on me though. Since I've been home, I've really been jonesing for it. I've though about getting up with my boy down the coast (2 1/2 hour drive!!) to see if he could "hook me up". (Bad idea!!) I haven't done anything, but it is still on my mind. Crazy what a wiff of something can do!!

Job
I am almost done with my training for my new job. I take my final assessment on Friday, and when I pass that I'll be able to sell and earn some comissions. I really don't think I'll have any issues with this, as I'm expereinced with the product and the company already, and have completed a month of training as well. Still any good thoughts, prayers, or karma ya'll can throw my way would be much appreciated.

That's pretty much what's going on in my life. Hope everyone is doing well. Take care all!!

Snitching
 

I worked with a guy last night, clean cut, nice person type. I'd heard from another employer that he was a recovering meth addict, and he told me and our trainer as much last night too. The trainer departed about 1 am. About 2 a.m., he went outside for a smoke, and he came back smelling really . . . smoky, but not like cigarettes. I kept trying to decide if it smelled like marijuana - it was different from MJ but it was that strong a scent. Shortly thereafter, he was tapping his foot, but it wasn't like people normally tapping a foot - his whole body jerked with the force of it, seizure-like. He seemed to get that I was aware of this strange motion, and it was like he'd try to stop, but the attempt wouldn't last 20 seconds. His foot or feet were in constant, jerky motion.

Okay, the bad part for me was that we were sharing a cash drawer, on the orders of the trainer who is teaching everyone the new computer system. Like I said, he seems like a nice guy, but the thing about meth addicts (if he is an active one) is that then tend to run out of money and then do really stupid things (like steal). I was worried that if we came up short, that there was no way to prove it wasn't me. There is a camera that could not have helped catch his hyper-hyperness. Anyway, the drawer came out fine.

My problem: Do I tell my boss of my suspicions/concerns. I'd really hate to be labeled as the company snitch. I'd really hate for someone else's drawer to suddenly come up terribly short. I'd really hate for my employer to get ripped off or, even worse, a customer.

Am I overreacting? What would you do?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ons/icon10.gif Check, check, checking-in.
:agree

That's a tough one Misty. I think since he's already somewhat acknowledged his addiction to the trainer that he would be a likely suspect (whether warranted or not) if cash came up missing so I wouldn't say anything unless you see him first hand smoking or shooting dope however it's done?

Hey all, just checking in here. Has been several days now, and no drinks.....feeling a bit off, but OK overall. I need to remind myself how one drink=more drinks=hangover. My problem has been mainly 'binge' drinking, drinking way to much one night, then feeling crappy the next day, swearing it off, but then going out several days to a week or two later. Need to break this pattern.

Gneiss, wow, what a scary story. Sounds like you might want to stay in for a bit:P

Hope all are well,

HP

The older I get the less it takes to achieve one...

Here's a husky pup (mix) for ya!

http://i97.photobucket.com/albums/l2...001/Blue15.jpg

Hey folks. Checking in. Staying on the minivan (I think wagons are ugly).

Misty-- tough one but I wouldn't say anything just now. I do think where there's smoke there's fire and what you described sounds like he could have been using meth. But on the other hand you really don't know since you didn't see anything yourself. He admitted he has or had a drug problem, but the cash drawer was fine. Seems like maybe he's trying to get it together a little bit (like many of us on here) so unless there actually is a problem, why stir up trouble? No one's life but his own is in danger and he didn't steal the money. Cross that bridge if you get to it. *Spoken like the methie I am, right?*

Husky... yeah! Haha

Much on my mind tonight. I basically ratted out a friend to his mom today. My friend is really out of control with his drinking, Rx drug addiction, gambling problem, etc. It's a long list. Friends and I have been kicking around the idea of calling his parents for months and we realized today we're in the perfect position to do it. He will be dead in a year if it doesn't stop, it's that bad. The last week or so has been bad, he's getting worse and we realized that none of us has a relationship with him any more so the worst he can do is be mad at us for calling his parents. So we made the call. His mom wasn't surprised by anything we said but we confirmed what she suspected and hopefully she'll start trying to get him some help. I still feel weird about it though, I think it was right in this case but I partied with the guy, I bought him dope. I made things worse for him. I feel like a traitor, but at the same time I know he's way past being able to quit on his own. And I don't want the guy to die knowing I watched it happen and didn't say anything.

*Sigh* Still having one of those FML weeks I guess.

Long time no see Doorknob. Hope life is treating you well.

I know the power of smell, Tyler. I opened a textbook of mine that has, for some strange reason, the smell of smoke in it. After quitting a week+ ago, I HATE the smell of smoke. However, now I am craving a cigarette like there is no tomorrow. I just have to remind myself that like cravings before, this will pass.

Good to see you, Doe Knob.

seconded DK! :c014:

D

blah! nevermind...

(stoopid youtube)

Al never allows embedding LOL
just click the link :)



D

dang i love some weird al

Let's see....

Dr. Murray....
in the bedroom....
with the Propofol....

Hi Doorknob, nice to meet you. I think, when I have a bit of money saved up, I will get a dog, as they allow them where we live now. It's an artist loft, with cement floors, mainly just one big space measuring about 20 feet by 80 feet with a bedroom at one end, pretty rustic, crumbly, in a building of similar spaces, art students, odd-balls and the like. It's a of open space, so I doubt a dog would feel too cooped up, plus, training it, the floors are just cement, spattered with paint from various artists who have lived there, not as if would ruin our beautiful no-wax floors.

My friend Soo-Ok came over on Saturday, with her mother’s two little dogs, Shih Tzus...not my ideal dog, but very well behaved, and they knew a lot of tricks. Then we went to a neighborhood festival to see some bands, and it was amazing how many people I met just walking her dogs. You really get noticed. I think it could be a great way to meet people, taking walks with your dog....seems very social. If I was single, the first thing I;d do, is get a dog, and walk it all the time: I bet I'd have a date in a week.

So aside from all the things a dog has to offer, it seems to also offer this social out let in urban life.

I would love a Malamute, but too hot there, and not quite enough space, spo we're thinking maybe a pug or a Boston Terrier, maybe even a wire haired fox terrier/welsh terrier. Something not too big, but cute.

Seems kinda quite here.........how about we all tell something about our selves/backgrounds/interests/dreams/fears? Would like to get to know folks a bit better, I can babble all day, in person, or on-line, so I'll stop for now.

HP