jamdls

Husky, you got to keep trying. I was doing some reading last night and part was a section on 'life goals' and I got to thinking I never really had any. I'll be 53 this month and I love my life, I raised a child, I have a decent job/own home/dog/grandkids and now that i'm sober I really do love my life and i never had any goals (partially do to fear of committment it seems). So just live in the now, just today, it's not a bad place to be.

shockozulu

Try anything that may work. Although we don't discuss the steps in this forum, that doesn't mean you can't get peer support from others in those programs. I know many that do.

In the early days of quitting anything, peer support is so important. I am quitting smoking and one of the first questions on EVERY questionnaire I have seen is "who will support my quit?"

joinedintime

Husky, keep posting and ready on SR while you seek out other forms of support. We're not perfect but we can help.

Zencat

mistycshore

I have rediscovered a miraculous thing: Naps. Even just a 20 minute nap makes a world of difference - the difference between CRANKY and fuzzy-headed all day/night vs. cheerful and fairly clear-headed.

Husky, if you are standing at death's door - go somewhere else. I get the feeling that you probably need something beyond "social support." I hope you find it, but anything difficult is more bearable when you know people are pulling for you. People in AA will pull for you, whatever your differences.

Dee74

I agree with the consensus Husky - pretty much anything is better than doing nothing, and reaching out beats the hell out of trying to deal with this alone.

You owe it to yourself to try all avenues - not just AA but SMART, LifeRing...all that stuff.

D

Freepath

Postmodernism becomes a little unclear when it is applied to everything from culture to law to architecture to literature. How can all of those things stem from the same basic pretense? So, with modernism being a rejection of traditional religion, literature, architecture, ect, is postmodernism embracing the “traditional?” The entire concept becomes so stymied because these are simply ubiquitous buzzwords with no real meaning. I prefer to address ideas independent of their categorizations. Same thing with politics. I don’t like to refer to things as “liberal” or “conservative” because anyone who is truly thinking for themselves will have opinions that span across all political platforms. To me, it’s a serious red flag when you begin to see things exactly the way someone else tells you to see them.

Just a brief point to Huskypup. I think that you need to seek out support. AA has agnostic groups that do not pray or have sponsors or chips or stick to the 12 steps. You are not alone in your desire to quit and your rejection of a cult-style solution. If your life goals seem unachievable, make new life goals. Make a life goal to be happier, to have more interaction with people. Something general and uplifting. I don’t claim to have all the answers, I just know that I have recently had my head handed to me in a bucket with regard to my life goals, and I am in the middle of revamping this kind of stuff as well. This time I am aiming for balance and less specific outcomes.

HuskyPup

Hey all, thanks for all the support. Am doing a little better, thinking of maybe going to a meeting, if I can find one that fits into when I don't work. The time I think I most need support is when I get home from work, at about 12:30 AM, past mid-night. I doubt any groups meet that late, but maybe, or even just a person or two.

I tried SMART at one time, went to a local meeting when I had a day job. It was just me and the moderator, and I really liked it. Then he moved away, and for many years, no meetings. Now, they have some in Baltimore again, but on the nights I work. I tried SMART online, but it turned ugly, and I was more or less kicked off, along with many other people. Somehow, the online version always seemed to devole into fighting and bickering, it was not very helpful, totally unlike the face to face meetings. So I have rather soured on SMART; they can just as stiff and doctrinaire as AA, tossing out slogans and catchphrases at the same pace.

Something in me tends to resist structure, authority. I like to ask questions, and when I get the answers, more questions. Has always been like this, since I began to talk.

I will have to see if any other non AA groups meet around here, then consider AA as a last resort. I think they have an agnostic meeting in Baltimore, maybe that would be not too bad.

I'd also like to see a therapist again, when I can afford to. I think maybe in a few months, when I get bills caught up, and if I can get a second job, I will see one. I’m hoping to find one familiar with Carl Jung. I would like to talk about dreams.

Well, thanks for putting up with such a pessimistic person, it was very sweet,

HP

mistycshore

Gosh, I am silly tired. I woke up for a class on wedneday, rushed though shower and all, showed up in class at the appointed time . . . but I didn't know my classmates. And they were all packing history texts, not literature texts.

The disturbing part was: I couldn't figure out what went wrong. It felt like the world must have slipped a cog because I did everything I was supposed to do. Turns out that I was an hour early for class, but it took another classmate to point that out to me . . . my brain was too fuzzy to grasp it.

I will adjust to graveyard shift, I will adjust to graveyard shift. I will . . . won't I?

Anyway . . . still sober, but not particularly clear-headed.

Hugs to all.

gneiss

Hi again. I'm done being Miss Grumpy Pants so I guess I'll post. I'm still here.

Not caught up on the thread, and buried in homework because I fell off the wagon last week. Hope everyone is doing well.

Off to do some geophysics...

Dee74

Welcome back Gneiss

D

mistycshore

About sleep: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/01/health/01mind.html

I can't tell if it's good news or bad news.

jamdls

What is sleep? For me lately it's just time spent in between waking up drenched having odd dreams --dreamt (dreamed?) the other night that my boobs were made of ground beef and it had gotten rather moldy so I got rid of them...I don't even eat meat. I've finally weaned myself off Effexor! Been on the stuff since 1994 but since I don't drink I'm not depressed but getting off that stuff was difficult! But I did it. Got to see my daughter and my 1 1/2 grandsons (she's due in January with #2) so that was good, otherwise it was a very booooooring weekend I did get a lot done, like putting up window treatments and cleaning and gardening and spending time with her Peachy-ness (my pekingnese). I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow.

californiapoppy

That's one wierd dream alright! You're not worried about breast cancer, are you?

gneiss

Speaking of weird dreams... last night I had a dream where I was either a cannibal or a vampire (not sure) and I had one of those masks like the dude in Silence of the Lambs. It was temporary though, I had to be tied up and masked for a while but eventually it went away and I was ok.

I've had lots of weird dreams lately. Next Monday it will be one year since the events that precipitated the worst of my drinking and drug using. I think maybe the dreams are related to that. And possibly the weird emotionality.

jamdls

I didn't even think about that, I do have a neighbor that I'm friends with who had a double mastectomy earlier this year and she just had her 6th and final chemo treatment 2 wks ago and I haven't seen her since but I have been thinking about her so that likely explains the dream, thanks!

jamdls

That could explain why I've been having weird dreams too Gneiss, as it was 2 yrs on Aug 25 that I overdosed and stopped drinking and it was 2 yrs on Sunday that my beloved schnauzer, Tasha, died.

shockozulu

Slowly unpacking. The cable company screwed up our connection so I'm piggybacking for a few days. The new home is nice, just taking time getting used to. Cats are already sleeping on our beds, so they are doing okay. Hope to check in soon.

Zencat

Feeling better now I'm back on track with my duel diagnosis addiction treatment. Partial treatment equals part time sobriety...strange that I can forget that . But staying in treatment however limited it was did save me from going back out with vengeance.

Me being on psych med's makes for screwy dreams. Sometimes I wake feeling betrayed by my unconscious...kinda like being victimized by my brain. I relive old behaviors that brought me plenty of shame when I was was in full on addiction. So sometimes I awake feeling all those old emotions. Ah but it is what it is...dreams...thank my lucky charms for that.

gneiss

I just heard a news story that kinda sent chills down my spine. Last night I went out to The Strip, which is a 2-block area right off campus with a bunch of bars. I had a couple drinks with a friend (yeah, I know. I'm back on the wagon today), we met some guy that we talked to for a while and barhopped with him. We ran out of money and went home, no big deal. I just heard on the news that last night while I was out on The Strip a 40-something man brought his 24-year-old son to town and went to The Strip. The son has some emotional problems and was "looking for someone to hurt." It didn't matter who it was, and his dad actually drove him to town to let him find a drunk college kid to hurt. Who does that? Anyway, I guess he found some 19-year-old kid at the bars (they hardly ever check IDs when it's quiet at the bars around here, it's pretty normal for 19- and 20-year-olds to be in the bars) and took him out to the lake where I take my walks and beat him up pretty badly. Some guys fishing found him this morning, he was still alive but he couldn't talk because he was kicked in the throat. He wrote a note to the police and they found the guy who beat him up. I have no idea who the kid was, it's possible (though unlikely) that it was the guy we were barhopping with.

That's terrifying, easily could have been me. It's been weird. I did some coke a couple weeks ago and the next day started hearing all sorts of stories about people who overdosed on coke. And now I got this sort of cosmic warning about drinking and hanging out in bars. I'm feeling quite unsettled at the moment.